When's it my turn?
When do I get to find someone who
-Knows if I say 'I'm fine' that I'm lying
-Understands sometimes I need a shoulder to cry on
-Will drop everything to help me
-Will sacrifice everything for my happiness
Because every night I've cried myself to sleep
Asking where's my person who cares?

I've always been the girl
-Who'd listen to your problems
Because I knew when you said 'I'm fine' you were lying
-Who'd understand sometimes you just need a shoulder to cry on
-Who would drop everything to help you with your problems
-Who sacrificed everything for your happiness

For the first time
In a long time
Things are starting to look up
Schools okay,
Work is fun
Life's drama free
But there's a catch
Every night I come home
And take a razor blade
To my skin
As a way to remind myself
Pain's still out there
And I'm not immune to it
So that way
When things fall apart
I won't be totally destroyed

'I'm cold'
I complain to my mother
As I tug down the sleeves
Of my baggy sweater
'I ate a large lunch'
I swear to my father
As I skip dinner
For the third day in a row
'I already have plans'
I tell my friends
As I sit at home
Alone in my room
'I've been working out more'
I promise my physician
When she asks me about my weight loss
'My cat's a little rough'
I say to my counselor
When she asks me about my arms
'I'm just shy'
I explain to my grandma
When she asks why I don't talk
During family gatherings

I used to spend my time
Imagining I would meet someone
     Who'd figure out why I'm guarded
     Who'd stay through the **** I'd put them through
     Who'd always wait for me
     Who'd never get fed up and replace me
     Who'd become a part of me
The scary thing is, I found that guy
But I was to ******* stupid to see
That he was right in front of me
Now it's too late
And there's never going to be another guy
So what's the point in trying?

Remember back in grade school
When we all had to say
Where we wanted to be in ten years
And I cheekily said alive
So when everyone else didn't grow up
To have the life they expected
I could look back at them and laugh
Only now, I don't know if in ten years I will
Because now being alive,
Doesn't sound so fun anymore

I crave for you to want me like you used to
I crave for your yearning glances
And I crave to be in your thoughts
I crave to be the center of your attention
I crave to be your girl
I crave for you to look at my arms
   And plead me to stop
I crave for you to want to talk to me
I crave for you to hold me
I crave for you to be there
I crave for you to be who you were
    And I crave for me to be who I was
I crave for the world I gave up