Okay, I brace myself, "okay" being a sort of mantra either spoken alone or placed at the end of every sentence with the lift of a question mark. I do try and keep this okay thing to myself, packed in my head along with other stuff, okay?
And so I stumble, verbally if not silently, okay okay (okay?) as I count down the minutes (25) when I absolutely MUST leave the house even if this time it is By Choice, For Pleasure, whatever that is. I'll call it Not Torture.
I haven't practiced removing the grimace for such a long time I fear it's stuck there.
I scared a Boy Scout earlier in the day and I swear I did nothing at all scary. I bet there will be Boy Scouts out there. Maybe not at the bar but at the Target. I've never seen a Boy Scout at the Target but one time my friend saw a Mormon in the parking lot. He was racing headlong toward him and he panicked, my friend, so  he blurted out "You are the devil." The Mormon was pretty upset.
By now I have to assume there are Boy Scouts everywhere and naturally I am scared to death. I assure you I can develop a full blown phobia over a matter of hours and that's when I try not to think about it. Well, you try not thinking about Boy Scouts! Especially after you've resolved to NOT THINK ABOUT BOY SCOUTS. Aversion therapy doesn't work in case you were gonna suggest that.
Can I sue the Boy Scouts?
How many minutes do I still have left?
Is it still legal in West Virginia to walk behind someone saying over and over again in either of their ears YOUR GONNA DIE YOU'RE GONNA DIE? I'm pretty sure they legalized it within the borders of NYC (even Staten Island, which surprises me). This was due to a statute made during the whole explosion of Performance Art.
How many minutes do I have left?
Why don't I get a prize, twenty bucks or something, for fooling everyone and convincing them I'm okay?

Give me what I want
and you will never hear
another peep
Give me the dagger
practiced blood
drawn from me
to you
Give me something
silent, creeping
and quiet, like
your love
never voiced
when you said
I knew what
you meant
but didn't

I want nothing more
of your sweet dumb
eyed camel looking
score, as if love can
come in at the eyes
rather than pulled
between my thighs

Well then! which course
is the worst for the wear
and tear?
to **** yourself beyond
some skinny little freak
of a girl's stare?

Dear sir I hope my
brown eyes followed
you every *******
where, I hope
they followed you
into each of your
legitimate beds,
one after the
other, Mr. Man
full of himself and
all that wasn't
said

Dear sir I hope I stuck
to you like a flea, drawing
blood from you as you
did from me

Took a Jenny, did
you now? in your
whirl and twirl
of a gal?
Who's to say
what inspired you
or what made your
hands lay where they
lay? Took a Jenny
for a girl,
(didya now?
a swirl and churl)
Who's to say what's
done is done
(and what ya done
with a Jenny
so far away?)
took a Jenny
from a poem plain
as plain, Jenny in
field of rye? catch
a Jenny by the hook
and I? (**** a
Jenny)
didya now?) and
what came next
for this flattened
doll? the flattened
grain, the flattened
wheat, brown eyes
staring up atcha
through the kernel
through the germ
through the wasted
bits of seed
when Miss Jenny
tried to become

Something

Through the
chaff, porch side
laugh, (a gaff
a gaff A GAFF)
Jenny by one
leg one foot
Jenny stumbled
(Have you heard?)
Jenny caught herself
a bird

Jenny got done
with it (did she
now?) of course she
did and right next
to a cow! (Jenny
winked and so did
the milk weighted
pretty brown and
white and big
brown eyes
Jenny looked up
between the wheat
between the teats
Jenny got herself
done awfully
sweet
(!)

A ******

A love story

Done

Win lose or draw saddle
swiped ripped out quite
between your knees
Your little ride (grab
me by the reigns my
two long braids rip) o
rip me sideways tear
me away from your
livid schemes
You, ****** (me,
******) o you death
squad you breath
of death nod torn
between yourself
and the rest of
your nothing
******* die
(Then Me)
there bleed out
on the floor there
that stretches
between you
and me and O
BUT WHAT a
naked valley! so
much dead and
amber waves
of withered grain
YOU ARE THE DUMB
AMERICAN of all my
heart and dreams
(your statue of
liberty a constant
reign on your watery
parade) ah ****
OFF DEAR thank
you right between
the ears the big ol'
shafted bamboozled
part of your brain
hoodwinked dear
(let's go ****
another pony
shall we?) a love
a hate poem for you
and so much less
thanks again dear I
never expected this
fat with your own
expectation pregnant
with your ***** and
your swastikas
BOO!