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 Feb 2014 Emerald Sapani
Fah
Hey....
 Feb 2014 Emerald Sapani
Fah
with war , we assume peace is a scary notion ,
that peace is worth killing for - worth maiming for , worth spitting at.

Peace is an idea that steals children from homes , and taxes from banks to the pocket of rank, and fee and file and fickle thumbs , where the money rolls plenty in the pockets of some.
 Feb 2014 Emerald Sapani
Fah
17/6/12
 Feb 2014 Emerald Sapani
Fah
A runner off before the gun , my hands tied behind my back
i made my way into the dark crevices of myself.

I turned my back on the outer world not to emerge until
i’d seen what was lurking in the shadows.
Demons. I walked into their ranks and told them to tear me apart…. I watched it all… My blood spilt into the torrents of rain….Once they were done…. all that was left was my eyes.


They are blacker than before, but with a hint of starshine in them now…
Whilst the deamons went to wash themselves and get a pint before closing time…..
I took alook around this new landscape.
The signs i was always looking for were all around me…. in every single thing i happened to see….and every unexpected turn i took looking around that town led me to new and brighter , bolder and almost iridecent signs untill the signs became me and i became the signs.

That’s when i began to dance , and dance i did. I danced with the devil and and fox trotted with the angels, we spun on the wheels of great time leaving all the business of past , present , future behind…. we existed only in the swish of a skirt or the click of the heel…..we were pirates of the cosmic tides , we knew only the ocean , never to set foot on land again. Unless, it was the island. The island where seven days a week i could just bask in the sunshine that is your smile, where only the surreal existed.
archive digging
 Dec 2013 Emerald Sapani
Fah
do you feel the breeze of cosmic dust,
as it rains down on eyes that can not see spectrums of brilliance?
 Dec 2013 Emerald Sapani
Fah
Even though it hurt alot
and it still kinda hurts sometimes i'm sure it will

but we are here

and we have healed so much !

Now i know why the de ja vu's were here

it's this, this bond ,

this life time millennia that flew into my arms as a lover ,
into my arms again as a child ,

out of my way as an enemy
into my closest circle as an advisor,

over my breast like a flame as a mother -

it's this unshakable bond that stems from wanting to heal as much as we do
so this one,

this one's for you mum

and all the people you have been with me.

*Wai's Kru
*Wai's Kru*

is translated in thai - saluting the Buddha nature in your teacher
 Dec 2013 Emerald Sapani
Fah
We have this notion that time is rigid
that time is a solo tick of a clock's second hand
or mearly the grain dropped into the hourglasses bottom

that the day needs to be broken down
that the night slips on by the hours escape us as we escape to lands of mystery and fog

but sometimes i love this about humans , i love that we like things neat and tidy ,

we're like ants - collecting for the colony although we seem to have lost the way back to the community centre

we're taking all we've found and putting it away in groups of 2 and 3 and 4 expecting to build hives that can outlast a rainstorm.

But here's the funny thing ,

sometimes i live in 3000 years past future present

and this confuses some people
who still believe that time is liner.

Once more i would like to point out the sorry truth that , whomever controlled the time -
would control us all

now who sets the clocks back??

Not me....


So i've set all mine forwards
some would call me a hoarder but i think i'm just taking back what is rightfully mine...
 Dec 2013 Emerald Sapani
Fah
it’s ok not to live UP to ALL the weighty labels forcefully pinned to you - heck maybe you should just cruise at mid altitude level until you decide you wanna take a dive in the self created oceans....

DON'T STICK YOUR NOSE INTO PEOPLES BUSINESS, JUST KEEP referencing The Matrix. While simultaneously revealing it - more Dharma , less drama is my motto.

Whoever told you , you just had 2 eyes , 2 ears , 2 mouths , 2 noses ? They were lacking vision. Look for yourself.

Ask yourself this also...

have you seen the chambers of your darkest thoughts?
If you have not, why not.

And if you have , how was it?

Expect better than the daily thoughts of dissections and ******

try going beyond to see how evil you really can be....
then ,

try seeing how heavenly you can think...

it's a fine line between tragedy and comedy.

Don't lose your heads now , lovelies ...

no ying without yang as the old'uns would say.

no ying , without yang....
just some thoughts. shared.
 Dec 2013 Emerald Sapani
Fah
silken honey dew essence ,
natural bioluminescence , Aura pulsates in time to the  flowing blood veins ,

fingertip lips taste like lightning just before it flicks the ground with his forked tongue -

stomach tingle , heart dip , drop.
lose it all , lose it again -
transfer the same -
enlarge the plane,

feel the vibrations of:  never the same , again. Expansive minds roll on ...


                                                           ­          ~~~*

Escaped moan is free, darkness turns to light.
the whispers,
   kept between you and me.

Animal instinct , Divine instinct

        slips in.
                          slips out.

carving chasms and canyons out of skin...a glint of menace  and copious amounts of mischief dance in his eyes , like a snake charmer sashaying the imaginary into existence.
                        
                      the space dew tastes....like raspberry Champagne bubbles...


the energy flows are opening now,  to handle the cosmic ******...

one must prepare -
an untrained mind , might combust -
or worse yet , attract the dijins for foolish endeavors into treasure map waters...

Sensi bows - game , set , match.

Practice makes Perfect..
 Dec 2013 Emerald Sapani
Fah
tear apart the seams

it’s ok.

i, don’t wanna talk about it.

even looking at the writing i wrote about you makes me feel slightly nauseous , it ...it’s not that i didn’t love you but....

well perhaps it was my fault ,

i don’t know

i don’t know

i thought i loved you. Ok.

and how is it? that one moment i can feel the whole world for you and the next....
it's lightning struck tree all over again.


Do not get me wrong , you inspired me to write and to breathe , you showed me loving myself wasn’t that hard and yet , yet .... you...broke my heart just like aunty said.

you broke it good and well that i didn’t even realize until i was out from under your spell...
  
                                                                  * ~ * ~ * ~

Open my heartspace ,
you were golden in my eyes ~

heavy sits the stone in my chest , cracking as i walk, dropping bits of crystal on the floor, turning to molten liquid scorching the floor with unsaid words and dispelled feelings to seep into
the ocean of bliss

burning the waters to desert residues
in the blink of 3 eyes ,

i saw in you - the flash of brilliance that i know is holy. The kind that could rule the world if, you dared.

But you were too scared ,

i want to explore this world , step out of my comfort zone , feel like i add to the mass of human potential -
not accept my consumer status because it’s simpler ,
i don’t care about public image , i despise whittling myself down for some pre-conceived notion of etiquette, and i can’t stand people seeing they have the power and not taking it.

You are a reason and you have a purpose, we are only here for a short time , this is our chance at something great and i want to share it with you.

I wanted to help you , and maybe that was my mistake.
To make you see yourself through me ,
that you were golden in my eyes
and should think yourself no less.

So i let you in to the secret place , my choice , i don’t regret it, not one bit.
I guess you made me a woman  so to speak. But i don’t think you are any more of a man.

You were a 26 year old boy.

Nor were you anymore of a lover who was soft and fair ,
but you twirled my hair, turned my lips to ashes , sashayed across my hips, tore holes in my skin with your teeth , sneaked kisses on my inner thighs , you danced with my imagination and petted my ego...oh so gently.

I saw a newer version of myself through you ,
and maybe , i just like being adored,
but i would have given everything back. I’m all for fairness
and in some twisted way i hope i hurt you as much as you hurt me, just so you know how it feels, but somehow i think , it was me who ended up with the short straw on this one.

I’m sure there are gaps in your fingers you don’t understand, let alone loving someone, but i hope you get this , your lesson was : Love freely.

And you know , if that makes me stronger and more flexible and if it means that i can bounce back faster , then so be it. I will learn my lessons in time , because i’m shooting for the stars and i intend to be amongst the nebulas that shimmer so well.

And i intend to love with that ferocity again and even more , because i won’t give you that.


Not after i ******* my being in ribbons for you. No. I won’t and i can’t.
I’m worth so much more.
So these tear filled words are as much for me as for you , that i hope one day , someone comes along who can give you what you need to make you happy.



Because i’m *pretty sure
i’ve already found mine.
this is long overdue, i guess i didn't really wanna look at the scars , they're almost healed i guess.
 Dec 2013 Emerald Sapani
Fah
Listless lies the lizards ,
languishing in lantern lit caves ,
lavish , little , flies
adorn plates.
 Dec 2013 Emerald Sapani
Fah
A cloud is beautiful for a moment , only illuminated by the dropping sun.

It turns grey, dull and flat.

I hear no cries for what was lost , only quiet transformation into another.

There is peace in knowing that all this must move, all this heart ache and sadness must move , but first you must let it go , like the cloud.

transform into another.

do not shun the darkness…merge with it , guided by the light of the moon guardian , dappling the cloud with her ethereal light, a new beauty is taken on , until the promised sunrise appears.

And even though it may seem that night and day are places that we must dwell in , one look outside the planet and the sun shines on regardless.

It is always light. Even when there seems darkness.
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