Your sentences border on senseless
And you are paranoid in every paragraph
How they perceive you

You are not your pain.
You are not your pain.
You are not your pain.

You are not what happened to you.
You are not what happened to you.
You are not what happened to you.

You are not what they did to you.
You are not what they did to you.
*You are not what they did to you.

You don't get to hurt me and then judge the way I respond.

i wonder what you would say if..
you knew you shattered my peace of mind.

i wonder what you would say if..
you knew you destroyed my self-confidence.

i wonder what you would say if..
you knew that seeing your face sends a shiver down my spine.

i wonder what you would say if..
you knew what we thought about you now.

i wonder what you would say if..
you knew that you crossed my mind every day.

i wonder what you would say if..
you knew i was simply trying to avoid change.

i wonder what you would say if..
you knew i forced myself to feel something.

i wonder what you would say if..
you knew i used you just like you used me -  but you used me knowingly.

i wonder what you would say if..
you knew that like you, i was just afraid of being alone.

i wonder what you would say if..
the tables were turned on you.

i wonder what you would say if..
*i said i never loved you.

I always saw stars in your eyes, but now.. my God, they're even brighter. They're so much brighter.

I will not change for you.
I understand, I understand, I understand.
You have never once asked me to.
But what you don't understand is that what you want would require me to change.
It would require me to stifle parts of my soul, of who I am to make it work.
I can't silence these pieces of me any longer.
I'm sorry, but I can't make that sacrifice.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, *I'm sorry.

Forgetting the past is the easiest thing in the world to preach about, until you're the one in question.

Not a single
demand,
expectation,
conjuncture,
influence
will keep me from living for me
and living out the hopes, dreams, and light
that I have suppressed for so long
at the request of others around me.

How dare you laugh at my faults when you're the epitome of human failure?

Quit selling your soul to the temporary.

I joke about being lonely all the time, but I don't think anybody gets that it isn't a joke anymore.

The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.

i can't touch my temples
without
excruciating pain

i can't draw in a breath
without
pounding pain in my upper chest

i can't pull myself out of a chair
without
my legs feeling weak and jelly-like, unreliable and about to buckle

i can't walk down the hallway
without
everything spinnng, spinning, spinning oh how disoriented i am

i can't lay my head down for more than a second
without
my heavy eyelids forcing themselves shut and my brain cutting off

i can't
focus
concentrate
motivate myself

i can't get through the day
without
exerting every bit of the fragile energy in my body i have that day

every day is a chore
every day i have to push and grapple with symptoms upon symptoms that will not go away and continue to increase in number

each day i collapse on my bed and force back leaking tears
caused by
the constant pain and aches that overrun my body
caused by
the inability to want to do anything other than sleep to rid myself of this neverending fatigue
caused by
the mental fog that just won't lift

i can't stop shaking
from
this constant anxiety

my body is breaking itself down
and i
i am helpless to stop it

i am
i am
i am

i can't
i can't
i can't

They only hurt you after you hurt them.

"It was like every **** second we didn't say 'I love you' was suffocation and letting it out was like finally being able to breathe."
**"I may not understand it all but God do I know the feeling of not being able to stand halfway. It's almost as if nothing is better in a twisted **** way."

No, I'm not bitter - I just don't have to stick around and tolerate your selfish stupidity.

And sometimes, people aren't.

And I want it, I want my life so bad
I'm doing everything I can

Well, I've got thick skin and an elastic heart,
But your blade - it might be too sharp
I'm like a rubber band until you pull too hard
Yeah, I may snap and I move fast

But you won't see me fall apart
**'Cause I've got an elastic heart

I will, if only for my own sanity.

I've been gone so long
I can barely say
All I know is now I want to stay
Has it been too long since I went away?
Cause I'm trying to find the words but I can barely say

"In a cold and sunshiny haze, I will forget about this."

And truly, it is an unnerving feeling to be both absolutely infuriated and completely, utterly heartbroken.

Everything is about to change.
Whether it's for better or for worse is unknown to me.

You've restored something in me that nobody else has been able to revive.
How do I begin to thank you?

"Love you, see you Monday"

You immediately came back after your response in our emotion-charged talk and told me this.
My immediate reaction upon reading this simple line was to laugh (out of shock and happiness, of course), but it was immediately followed by unforeseen cying - no, *sobbing - because you finally made it crystal clear.
I knew you cared about me.
They've been trying to convince me you don't, but I knew better.
Thank you.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I miss my family
I miss my family I miss my family I miss my -

Sure, I can say whatever I want behind a phone screen and you'll never know otherwise.
But if you told me to look you in the eyes and sincerely say I didn't love you still, I couldn't do it.

Still obsessed with what you lost, eh?
It's funny to think that you claim you aren't.

I thought the world of you.
How small my world was.

How was I pathetic for loving you?

One gonna hold my memory, another gonna close the door              
One gonna leave me restless, another wanting more

Simply shooting the word love from your mouth like gunfire across a battlefield proves nothing. Love is expressed in actions. The word alone is utterly useless and is just another string of letters in the English language. Words have absolutely no meaning until we give one to them through our behavior and animate them by utilizing our human nature and creativity. The feeling of love exists at the core of our very beings - it's natural, and it's what we instinctively long for.

Once again, I find myself entirely incapable of hate.

"Is there anything you're thankful for?"
*"Gradual transitions."

Sometimes, you have to shake your head and say "***** it." Divert your attention to something new and you'll find something precious.

I have anxiety about my anxiety.
It's a constant vicious cycle that is wearing my body down little by little, destructing my health and the little peace of mind I have.

You've always tried to keep me concealed, as if I was a weapon of sorts.
A weapon that could threaten everything you've built from the ground up.
I've never seen myself as dangerous.
I've never seen myself as needing to be handled with extreme caution, lest you accidentally shoot yourself in the foot.
Why is it that you see me as a loaded gun, love?
I'm not capable of such violence.

You've always been reckless when it came to me.
Why the sudden hesitation?

I'm sorry she led me to believe I didn't care about either of you.

Shocking, really, how quickly things can change,
largely due to this new burning and gleaming confidence.
I'm like a river - free, flowing, and coursing,
and nothing will ever confine me again.

"It's different with her."
Why?
Why am I always a different story?
Why am I always the exception?
It's been three years.
I still don't know.
It's been three years.
I *need to know.
It's been three years.
I'm scared to know.

There is not
one. single. person.
One person that I was close to in the past that is still in my life today.
Not a single person I loved once that still loves me in return.

Nobody believes it anymore, and those who still do don't know the extent of the damage done.

Will I ever feel like I have a place, a home?
Will I ever be enough?
Will I ever be a constant to somebody?

I think the answer is no, at this rate.
I thought it was starting to work itself out.
I suppose I was wrong.

Get out of my dreams, get out, get out, get out.
I'm not going down this road again.
Please don't do this.