I'm getting out to pursue within.
Appearing insane through the eyes of most.
A toast, to the late great sheep, who was always only half asleep.

Questions from the mind combined with adventure
Emancipating an explorer of experience.
Delirious, with eyes wide open,
seeking an ancient truth.

Love is the answer, love is what I got, love is what I will give..
But not within these walls I live.
My little run away, always astray but never lost.. a fine cost for a life to create.

"What will you do?
How will you make money?"
A reality I despise.

I prefer:
How will you rise and bring others up?
How will you change what is ****** up!?

"Look inside," my heart says with each life giving beat.
                      It's more difficult, with all these other voices,
                                                     to listen.
                                        So I close my eyes, and breath.

'Ignore what is not, and go with your flow.'

I exult my arms above my crown,
light up the heavens form the ground.
A request of peace.
through the vibrations in your soul.

My goal, is to grow
within and without.

She's not gone. She's still right here.
In your smile, in your laugh,
in that awkward way you stand sometimes.
In that urge to break out into a song or dance.
In the way the wind blows your hair toward the mountains, making you gaze over them in amazement, knowing that is where you belong.
She is in the sudden bursts of artistic inspiration.
She is in every flower that opens, every star that sparkles, and every time you think of the word love. She is there, smiling with you, laughing with you, dancing with you.

When I take notes in school,
I write down what I want to know,
for my own personal growth.
Not necessarily what's going to be on the next test or quiz,
which I believe sometimes are two completely different things.
I copy what gives me interest or intrigue
and what I think I should see.
I am not going to let myself over-look information I deem important
to conform to cirriculum and write down what the masses are.
It screws with my grades.
But I'd rather have the satisfaction of knowledge inside me than on a piece of paper.
Call me selfish, but I think the school system and who runs it is selfish."

This is the kind of note I hope you all have an addition to..

I think I've come to a realization. Just watched "waking Life" for the first time the other day and I've ALWAYS been super curious about dreams. The many discussions with my roommate Jenay Breden the many talks on deja vu with Ben Masters, and many others, I am open with dreams and like i said very curious and good at asking questions (To me it is kind of wrong because I feel dreams tell A LOT about people so I am getting all this information from someone and they think they are jsut telling me a silly dream that means nothing.) A dream is an opening into your soul and psyche. Its very personal yet can be profoundly universal.. Anyway, I had a strange dream last night: (haha though all dreams are strange)
but the premis of it was a personal moral I feel I had to overcome at this moment in time..

not all dreams are the same, it might not be a moral, but the conquering of a long journey. For example I've had many a re-occuring dream where I would be on a quest and every time I have not completed it but the next time I dremt it I got further. Till one night I will complete it, then not have the dream again..

about half my dreams are scary on all sides of spectrum, from having family in danger, to other dark things.. to monsters, to death, running from someone/thing, to real-life-stuff to not-so-real-stuff, to parkouring in a mansion while my friends and I throw random objects at each other (i know.. what? haha).
Random dreams about things I desire, or fullfilment of life goals (one time I wrote a song on the piano in my dream) or the dream I had about swinging on the vines in the jungle before my bday.
Such as adventure dreams: flying is a huge thing i do in my dreams that I savor each moment of. A very-young-me dream was I was a sto-away on a pirate ship, but it was fun to travel through the maze of hidden spots..
Or maybe other dreams that aren't so much scary, but things I fear happening. Like a boyfriend cheating, or losing money. I mean, we all have these dreams.
My girl Ashleigh was telling me how her and her boy, had a similar dream the same night.
I see random people I know, and people I don't know.. yet
Such as deja vu. Ever since I had the theory a couple years about deja vu being a dream you once had, I have only encountered moments that attest to this.
Almost every deja vu Ive had I remember it being from a dream.. How can your mind know what is going to happen in the future?
We all might have heard that our mind and the universe are one. In many ways you know. examples: positive and negative affirmations, how the way we think spans subconsciously to others (when you're thinking of someone and they all of a sudden call or text you), we are all connected, etc
SO, if the universe IS our mind (and our souls are connected to this unvierse, to each other) and the universe has no time, because how can you put a tangible definition to something intangible, (i also got that from reading "universe in a nutshell" by Sir Steven Hawking).. then the universe/your mind, already knows the many paths your physical self can take in future, past, and present.
But WHY then (always my question:WHY), why then would it want to show you this glimpse into 'the future'...?
I will leave with a lucid dream I had one night:
a re-occuring place in my dreams I've noticed is a housing complex that is many stories tall where many people of many different ages and ethnicities live.
In this particular dream we are being chased not by zombies or aliens but a mix of the two, they look like the creatures from 'I Am Legend'.
I first noticed I was 'just in a dream' when one of them was chasing me up a flight of stairs and i fell, on my **** hands and legs scrambling up I saw it come for me and kept telling myself to 'wake up wake up!' and i might have for a second or two but then right back to sleep. When i realized there was no way out of this and that it was: 'MY dream, i could do what i wanted with what I had' (sound familiar to one's waking life? hmmm) before this whole moment I had run out of amo and had no gun so was at a lose to be easy prey. I was in the basement with everyone else of the house or others who had run in for shelter, and the beings were on their way downstairs. All of a sudden I thought 'there is a gun on the person in front of you and it is loaded' i grab the gun and with excitement but uncertainty I shot at the beings, and sure enough, they one by one fell down. WE were all, now, safe. Then it cut to a scene that we were all at a bar dancing and celebrating. haha
I am excited that i have lucid dreamed before but its not like once you do it from then on you are capable of it, it is very rare for me to lucidly dream, but still very exciting.

Please Please coment and tell me ANYTHING relatable to this. your dream, your thoughts, your theories, your deja vu, your disagreements.. I am very intrigued. I would create a blog somewhere but have no idea where to start, so i started here..
I tagged people I know and love and people i've noticed who have also taken interest on any subject I've mentioned.
Sorry for anyone I missed but please feel free to comment anyways if you see this and are not tagged

How Beautiful it is, this Gift of Life!
           The Gift To Be!
The Irony is.. it is what you Perceive.
       How Vast your Ontology.
Idiosyncrasy shows you,
    what you know either Flows you,
              or Stills your Will to Grow.
To be Happy is a choice!
To be ignorant in an Age of Information,                  or to have a Voice?
The Absurdity is--
Our Transcendent Consciousness is within an Immense Majority of Reality.
            We are but a small Human Form; a speck in Space and Time.
                  Each Chain of Action holds many Justifications, and We are the Authority.
If there is no Reason to Believe that Anything Matters.
        Then the Opposite must be true.
     There is Reason to Believe that Everything Matters.
That is the Irony:
          We, as Conscious Beings Knowing!!
                    - Yet only Knowing that which we want to fit into our Epistemology and Ontology.
Perception: We See and Do only what our Self Allows us.
               The Collision of Reality and Perception within us, is like Chains Binding us.
Yet, we hold the Key to our Freedom..

                                                         "All of a Sudden I said, 'Could you Believe!?'"

Dance away to the dream domain.
Sleep sounds surreal to the insane,
body remains, mind flies.
She tries to close her eyes..

Please sleep, become of me,
like a rock to my feet in a mental ocean;
dragging me deeper to the depths-
Mind that won't stop, Thoughts that wont be.
Is it I who calls to them or them who calls to me?

Restless awakening,    is
a blind man's curse to one day see.

"I think therefore I am,"
a man once said.
On an Island in a book, that
a girl once read.

Born of the stars I'd be so wise,
To spread my wings and swim the skies.
Mind flies, body remains
dancing away to the dream domain.

(Instrumental break)

"Fly me to the Moon,"
a man once said.
On a record, in a room,
with a ******* her bed.


Restless awakening, cannot be tamed
a wild heart with a pretty name.

They came with swords, I came with words.
Above the clashes, they cannot be heard.
From the ashes arise a bird
open your eyes
and fly away.

Art is a kind of innate drive that seizes a human being and makes him its instrument. The artist is not a person endowed with free will who seeks his own ends, but one who allows art to realize its purpose through him. As a human being he may have moods and a will and personal aims, but as an artist he is 'man' in a higher sense— he is 'collective man'— one who carries and shapes the unconscious, psychic forms of mankind.

symbolizing that we are all pupils in the universe.

'The staff strays
and music plays
notes sounded, noises heard
silence speaks
feelings flow, energy bursts
clouds part
making way for the pitt patter
of rain.'

You say im so beautiful, yet you do not accept some of my flaws.
This is who i am, everything you see, I embody it all
I appreciate you trying to help me become a better woman
I need to learn things on my own and come to my own realization.
I'm not playing well enough yet.
I am enjoying what i am doing now.                   Let me learn.
It might not be the "right" way, but many ******* things were either discovered on accident or invented by straying from the norm.
Let me be beautiful.

I love my family, love my friends,
love an ongoing list that never ends,
because all kinds of love do surround,
patiently waiting to be found.
But you, my man, i love in vain
this heart feels physical pain
If it wasn't for you i would not understand
the love between a woman and a man

they* eat at me
why am i so tasty?
from the inside to the outside
a combustion of both
met at the ego

Angelic Being of OM
Life on planet Earth is a test of personal growth
the fabric of afterlife is pure LOVE
all communication is telepathic
you are precious and infinitely loved more than you can possibly imagine
Love is not jealous or selfish, but unconditional
You are never alone
Love dominate the Universe
If you want to know the Universe, know Love

Her dream surrounds a great movement amidst the winds and sands.
             The engulfing trees tower over the travelers upon entering the dense forests filled with                                                                      strange beings not of her land.

   Danni awoke after another one of what could only describe as her sleeping story, but it never seemed to go anywhere. The people she was with were always moving. Instinctively she knew that they had left behind their original home, and they never spoke.
   She took in a deep breath and exhaled as she walked downstairs to the harsh frequencies of the morning newspeople. That meant Ronald was awake, he always had the TV on if he was awake. But he was never really awake. He was always stuck in a blank expression, going through mundane motions of everyday. She nonchalantly passed him as he ate the food.  They never talked, in truth, Danni didn’t talk to anyone in the rest of the complex, none of them had the sleeping stories, nobody had the sleeping stories.  
   She met Jamie at the park, one of the only people she talked to because Jamie didn’t watch TV or eat the so called food, either.  They were able to speak on a higher sense of knowing what most people did not understand. But there was a premonition of change to come. There was a constant vibration reverberating throughout that promoted a positive oneness.  The others like her and Jamie, that seem to be the rare thinkers, were growing as well.
   The thinkers are a danger to the watchers, because they don’t want the change to spread. They put people away like Jamie and Danni but the masses are unaware.  Thus leaving the thinkers never to discuss this voice they constantly heard expressively.
   That day after Danni finished telling Jamie her rendition of remembering last night’s sleeping story, Jamie suggested something she never has before. She told Danni to try to wake up in the story being told and see if she can move on her own and interact with the others, maybe then she can find out the reasons behind these images.
   That night, as she lay and look up, she kept focusing on trying to wake up.  Finally asleep, the restless pictures started to show. This time Danni thought intently about each step and focused how they felt, to the movement of branches, to the wind on her face. She consciously blinked in her dream then tried to speak.
   Where are we going? She asked to no one in particular.
   Everyone kept moving but she heard a small voice behind her reply with another question: Hello? Are you dreaming too? Danni almost froze except something about the story kept her legs moving. In shock she turned her head toward the source of the sound. A boy, not much younger than her who had before been keeping a steady pace, was also able to move on his own, and speed slowly closer to Danni. What’s a dream? She almost couldn’t believe the words coming out of her mouth, but something about it was familiar.
   It’s those strange pictures you see every night that no one else does. Danni was silent, not knowing how to react to this new information. What is your name? she finally managed to say.            Andre, he replied, there are more people like us, that can dream, and more of us are waking up in the dreams.
   Anyone can do this?
   Yes, if you are willing to.
There was a comfortable pause as everything settled in.
Where are we going? Danni broke the silence right before awakening in her bed.

There is something making movement,
in my hand.
It is very warm, it inhales then expands
Thick liquid drips down my fingers to the floor
Thumping sounds like steps coming to a lonely door.
The soft top layer squishes when I squeeze.
Though strong, very strong indeed.
This thing I can tell is very much alive and i feel my fear creep up inside.
For I know that though it's as big as my fist, it will falter at the tiniest, misunderstood risk.
So delicate and fragile, it's a lot to handle
It's not a toy, nor something to take
for granted would be a huge mistake
Because to somebody else, this heart does belong
and they have held mine too, all along.

My newly gotten kitten,
was playing in the kitchen,
chasing a delectable treat

He pushed it around
on the cold-hard ground
as if it were live meat

Now that he's older
and learned cognitively
that treat is not what is seems

So now there's no push with a playful paw
No thrill, or excitement, or lifeless, I saw.

For there instead
in his bemused head
the thought his beliefs are a lie

So now he just eats it greedily
because it comes so easily

..this is our reality..

Imagination is a word
seldom ever heard
except to describe the child inside

That kitten, you see,
represents you and me
because we once had those ideas

Nothing is real,  Nothing is fake
it's all from inside, it's all what you make

But our society has told us what is right and wrong
and we have believed it far too long

You must follow a one mind track thinking
instead of listening to your truth

Just like this kitten,
who played in the kitchen,
chasing a delectable treat

tick tock, tick tock
the most frightening noise,
like the watch on your wrist,
counting you down.
                           The metronome used to keep time with the rhythm.
How can one be 'out of Time?'
Referring back
        to counting down
                  till time          runs            out..
but out of Time?
Completely dismembered from it,
in this space of four dimensions?
Of course not,
it's to keep time with the band, excite, Move the Energy of 'Time' and make people get lost under your control,
playing with the ripples of time through us..

The energy of Love flows through us and around us, always..


              A starving ****** sits
                alone in the dark
                      and waits;
     wishing, pretending, hoping
                     for Love..

                                          As a hungry Lover begs
                                                         for­ more,
                                       seeing how much he can take;
                                         pleading, chasing, playing
                                                       with Love..
                  
                                       ­                                         An empty Child cowers
                                                          ­                                 and hides
                                                           ­             the sleeve with her broken heart
                                                           ­                      crying, missing, hating,
                                                         ­                                     Love

I cannot be tamed,
but I cannot be blamed,
for the way I behave.

I can tell you want me,
I can see it in your eyes,
when you look right at me,
and your pupils dialyze.

I'm just being me,
why can't you see?
You can't hate what's true, shows what you knew
about people, life, judging, and grudging..

You can't, for it only grows hate in your heart
When you think bad thoughts about yourself and others
there's a part of You that melts away
And the demon inside, is free to play..

When you get down to it, there's no stopping me.
To my moves on the floor, the the words in my flow,
         there's no copying me.
I just spit out some more,
Oh, I'm sorry, did I get that on your face?
      I didn't know this **** was a race.
Not one where the winner is the fastest,
but the one who can actually last this; stand this:
                 Conform! Please the Man!
                    bureaucracy,
                    hierarchy, or
                          do what you can
                                                  to ask,
Who Is Man?
Who Am I?
                 Often, hidden like Waldo in this world..
                          Where even 'Hello' is a Forgotten Word.

The beat you can't repeat,
   my flow's last defeat,
     will not be obsolete
            some teach
            some preach
             but i reach
             then breach
what others cannot see
even when they seek.
          For it's only seen when the weakness, and darkness, and harshness of Soul, disappears.
                                   As clear as the near drop of Life spills down your throat
                            As the lips slips and drips Truth that the Conscious Cannot Hide.
But it must be released
Or it will become deceased
            And crawl back to the Corner of the Mind
Where through the Door,
                         leading,
                              retreating,
              ­                       to the Imagination, Creation, Manifestation of Thought, Individuality, and Soul
The whole of the creature made up of this, separates it from the rest..

                Though all else is the same,
                                   aggression, survival, with no protection but skin
                                              Nothing guards our Minds..

uncanny     unrefined      
   undefined, but established
               Here, Now, In this Moment
                                                     then gone

Constant flowing imagination
creation, frustration, hesitation
  focus
freedom
rhyming
subsiding
rain came clear beyond
this cliff of addiction

Who knows, motion
beautiful mistake
mislead confusion
finding rise

Drugs, keep em coming
Escape, Abuse, Release

The show must go on,
no matter how heartless,
               mindless,
         brainless,
    caged
chained..

I slowly lose it every once in a while.
Get too "out there", philosophical thinking.
I lose myself in thoughts, but seem to find out more and more Truth.
I get a spark on insanity, but it helps me see the sanity in it all.
I get happy to know this is in existence, then sad and angry that no one else sees it.

Sometimes just want to drop everything and yell: "Do you not see this, do you not see what is happening right now to you to me!?"
We are incredible beings, with the ability to think and feel, and know we are doing so, the capability to create, destroy.
Yet some of us are still mundanely getting up at 5 to go to a job we hate to come to a broken home to watch our favorite t.v. show to help us escape from our lives, to drink some beer to chill out, to buy that bigger car to make us feel less small.

If everyone, right now, could just stop what they are doing, look up at the stars..
you are connected to everything

If everyone could realize that this Earth is our original Mother and our only Home, like really see, maybe even feel how she feels, would they respect her more? If they knew the natural givings she offered for us to live, the herbs, food, habitat, water, medicine, etc, would we stop destroying it?

If everyone would focus on meditating and Love as much as they do the clothes they wear or the shows they watch, imagine the exponentially positive vibrations this world would propagate!

I understand a lot of our ancient wisdom has been swept under the greed and power rug. I understand some people and cultures still adhere to these, and to other natural laws of love and life. But i also see the opposite, and the indifferent.

t's good to be good, it's bad to be bad, but it's worse to be indifferent. Some of you are. You hide in your magazines, your T.V. Shows, your gossip, your fake happiness. the happiness you create out of thin air and consciousness. That is how I make my happiness too, but I don't birth mine out of sorrow and lies.

I know what I know, and I am satisfied, but will always remain a student, and hopefully at times, a teacher.

The children are growing, evolving, and astounding me. I've always known there was something special about children, and there is. They are the closest ones to the realm between Life and Death. They know more truths than we do, and we tell them lies. We tell them what they know in their heart and soul is not real, which is a huge mistake. Because also as children, we start to believe it, so we conform to a society of one-way thinkers.
Indigo, calling out to you to color the spectrum with your radiance of intelligence. Watch out for these guys.. I know I have qualities, and I try to have many conversations with others that do as well.

Insomnia. Why? Idk. Several reasons. Writing helps. Maybe I have too much **** up in my head. I need to get some of it out.

Still I cannot help but fathom the fact that I know all these things, (and I know others do too) yet I walk around the bare white walls and see the blank step ford stares of other inhabitants of this planet.  They are all going about their business as if nothing is happening. As if all of this is normal!
Sure I can do all this homework, go to work, pay rent, pay for school, drive a car, text and drive, eat this fast food, study, make my parents happy, make the cops happy, don't step on anyone toes, just try to be the best in my field, find someone, marry them, have kids, raise demons in this Hell, cry, become old, wonder where my life went, buy a motorcycle to make me feel better, see my kids all of a sudden leave my house, get sad and lonely again, continue my mundane job or hopefully have enough money to quit and travel, maybe retire, maybe have a cool hobby, try to **** myself with cigarettes and ***** before I live old enough to really hate myself.
Yea, that sounds really normal. I mean comon' most People on this Earth live like This. (If you can call it living).

**** NO! WE have the powers and capabilities to think and to do, so ******* do them.
think for yourself, do for others

It makes me feel better to come across things like Spirit Science or The Emerald Tablets or The Flower of Life books. Because it proves my sparks of insanity are real. I am not alone in the way I think.
This non-believer found something to believe in.
Now I must be patient, I do not want to become one of those 'bible-pushers' i hate so much.
But the Movement needs to move..

We write because there is an unexplainable magical phenomenon surrounding us called conscious.

It is what expanded in the very beginning, it's will evolved everything living.
It invented these elements, that binded to create compounds.
With the help of gravity and expansion, these natural chemical compounds slowly started structures.
Other elements were produced, binded, and reproduced, exponentially manifesting other life.

Thankfully, consciousness is beautiful.
And it has an exquisite pattern that boggles the mind. Astronomers, mathematicians, scientists, artists, and other mortal men are astounded by it (even if they don't know 'it' yet). Because of this pattern, known as The Fibonacci Sequence, also relates to geometry, dimensions, and space, creates "The Flower of Life".

Look up into the stars and you will see them all pointing out, all moving still as one, there will be one brighter star that seems to serve as the center point for the flower. But focus on another and you will see the flower there too. Howl at the stars and you will see a dimension of movement as they shine a tail reacting to your vibrations. (I wonder if that's what wolves always see).

It is because of this pattern that the compounds "fell" into place. They happened upon a dimensional line and shaped nicely into spheres that includes all their elements they were attracted too. They followed the Sun and other stars for the light and a leading center point. Our rock (this planet) just so happened to be perfectly away yet close enough to the Sun, and had the right kinda elements, that it was able to form a livable habitat for something..

It was the first four main elements that came alive with activity on the surface of this land. Earth, Water, Fire, and Air started oozing, spilling, swimming, forming, into a place that gave way for the compounds that make up the cells of plants to sprout. Bacteria grew also out of cells and atoms and ****. Bugs and other simple creatures where the first to be bestowed upon this mass. This consciousness just wanted to grow, however way it can or does, it did. Even as reptiles, as dinosaurs, as birds, as sea creatures. The consciousness that started the craziness was snot stopping any time soon. It was going through trial and error, how we, everyday, always do. The consciousness just wanted to grow, to do, to be, it needed to replenish it's energy through eating whatever else it had created, it needed to reproduce so as to continue, and it needed to die to make room for the new and improved. But this consciousness is always there, always around, flying everywhere.

Other habitants of this universal consciousness has seen our Planet, and they were pleased. Good and Evil wanted to help or destroy.

The weather, and geology, are also still a part of this consciousness, and with their elements and the expanding evolution of the atmosphere and core of the Earth, were able to evolve as well. Other animals came about as a reaction and adapted to the ever changing environment.

Finally, the consciousness that exists in every thing that tells it to move, to change, to do, to be, to create: started having emotions.. Thus, humans were created. We still have that older consciousness of wanting to do, to be, to create, to reproduce. We have viral qualities of latching on to a host and slowly destroying here (Mother Earth), we have plant like and animalistic qualities becuase we have a male and a female that reproduce, we feed, we grow, we protect, we crave the Sun, we crave acceptance. But now we also crave Love. We encompass compassion. We have consciousness, and we KNOW we have consciousness, we not only think and make decision, but we know that we are. Isn't that crazy!? I believe many animals are starting to think this way too..

We embody emotions, the greatest being love. Fear was an emotion for the first creatures on this Earth, it is slowly evolving to Love. Fear made us make more. As bacteria and viruses, we fear deceasing to nonexistence, so we become stronger to keep up with the cures. As plants we feared being over powered by others, so we reached out our limbs and branches to touch closer to the Sun. As animals we fear other animals. As humans, we know what it is to love and be loved.

Some Earthlings know the powers we carry, and of the Mother and Father.
Some give praise to these every day, because we are the children.
Some don't, some have lost what it means to be.

Some have evolved in the opposite intended direction. Which is silly to say because as consciousness' only meaning is to grow, be and do, with this statement, consciousness is going in the 'right' direction. I do not know yet why there is good and evil sides of consciousness. did one come as a result of the other? were they nth part of consciousness at the same time? Can we all agree we need both? (cannot feel pleasure without pain, etc) or can we see what it is like with just good surrounding.. then in that case, who is to say what is good: The child dancing in the rain, watching her garden grow, catching droplet on her tongue, would say the weather is 'good'. The lovers' getting washed away in the flood trying to save each other, would not. But all this is 'the way things are'. Anyways..

to be continued

Day dreaming keeping my mind from sleeping. Lack of it is depleting me mentally. Or is it too many zzz keeping my eye from ease and not enough action to please my restless laziness. At home I feel safe to open up and express to explore my minds deepest recess. I don't like what I find half the time, but I must accept the darkness. Harness and caress though the thoughts never rest. What must I do but continue to stew this *** of rotting intentions. Innovation, manifestation, creation. Please become of me so I can of you. So much to give, so much to do. A need, a desire to feed the fire of knowledge and my capabilities. A challenge indeed is what I need. An endeavor, an adventure. An escape. So maybe that is why, I run into my mind.

In this race, we might lose the pace as it slips through our widened eyes and spacey minds
there are no posters here, no **** nor beer,
not much to be called my own,
shadows and light are my only friend tonight.
with the exception of my cat, the only air of what once was
i do not feel welcome in my own home
alone. no, lonely perhaps
but isn't that just a state of conscious?
Peel back and reveal a mystery;
meaning to be discovered, uncovered, justified
        Cried to be free!
so be it

Bright lights stare
as they whizz down the street in pairs
Judging me, not seeing me

I walk alone, head down.
my feet pass quick and steady as if a river and
Like a curious child I see below the bridge where I stand
Wishing to know the meaning of existence
Yet content with the view
And wanting to jump in.

No one can see me crying
Its too dark
Just to be safe I pretend I have something else on my face every time I wipe it
The fresh tears mix with the aged aqueous
And disappear with those of the past.

Their bodies of steel are cold,
Their eyes are sharp, their words easily glide through my skin like a razor held by a hopeless addict
Their man-made mistakes
Become by most feared and hated.
People with labels and names,
Are but just that

I’m alone within the voices
I push them back with my chair and whip.
Trying to tame the temptress
that seduces my escapist muses
But she growls and snarls and I feel the scratches slowly turn to scars and wounds on my inner most soul

How long can someone keep their chin up
Before they are simply just ignoring reality, ******* up their ‘control’
Should  I tell myself  again, “its’ gonna be okay”, or is it alright if I take time and break down

How many more drawings can be?
with the colors of black and white spilling from me and outside the lines
How many words regurgitated from my mind
Scrambled in a way they might be defined.
How many more patterns of vibrations will I need to resound to match my frequency
How much more art must spew from me that is otherwise calm and quiet
Should I open up and try this thing called talking?
Though I have tried.. I stutter, I get lost, I bore
I move my lips but the blank stares flare a hole in me like the Sun through glass on a scurrying ant.

I know they're not listening


My art listens
But it cannot talk
Just display to me what is inside
Escape that which I have been imagining
Or creating, or thinking.
Though it can speak, profound
Without making a sound

But I would like a voice
Not one of mine, of another
Who will listen
Not just talk

Introvert, shy, stuck-up, I’ve been called all the above because I don’t express easily what  others say so freely.
Nervous, intimidated,  Insecure
Sensitive, what will they think when I say something?

“I’d rather be thought of a Fool , then to open my mouth and remove all doubt”..

but  maybe an open mind cannot be,
without an mouth willing to open.

My arms spread wide for all who need, my heart is displayed.
But please don’t be greedy
Stepped on, used, abused, have I
Been because of my gratitude and compassion
I wish someone would listen to me, as if it were a silent pupil to a master whom only speaks the truth and only when he feels ready

Bright lights, blank stares

Water, moving, flowing, going, nature vs machine
Nature vs man
Spirituality vs reality

Healing powers of Love
stealing the pain

Biting my bottom lip, ******* me wet
Come in to me, and I will surrender

Hold up my arms, out, around your body embracing upon mine.

Animals, we are
just cannibals
eating hearts, sharing souls
your strongest hold
leave me free to move as one

Free birds have a reason to sing
I enter and stay, knowing any day, I could fly away

Leave the cage door open, and after my adventures have burned
to your shelter, I will return.

Silent conversations
our eyes speak
our hands ******
The energy produces propagating waves
And I see the colors of the spectrum

Open me up,
and enclose me,
within your symmetry

In pain no longer,
your love heals.

On this winding ever last-
a road.
Referred to as Future, Present, and the Past.
Our souls, they journey throughout time.
In spaces they swim, in objects defined.
The present connects, we are all, and we are one.
The future reflects on what once was.
A possibility, a question, a mystery, best left to be unsolved.
The past, evolved.
As if poetry it rhymes but never repeats.
Some seek for answers, some seek to be.
Is it a selfish question to ask Who is me?
No, just micro, for the big picture shows.
It has it all, that you'll ever need.
We could embrace out own existence, ask the why and how but get resistance.
It does not want to be found; it wants to be lived.
One may drowned in the deepest depths they venture to swim.
Try to understand, all you can.
But greed is a fault of the mortal man.
Though, I still, cannot help but wonder
Who are you and who am I?
Mainly, I am along for the ride
It is the flow to which i subside
The answer is, we have a reason to be
known by the other, and just maybe
we're here to help each other.
On this path
of Future, Present, and the Past
Wandering on this winding road
An adventure has been bestowed
and maybe not a pondering question of why
but an action, our quest, will help us find.
For now, I have come to conclude,
it is this present to which i am subdued
and in it, I am happy to share it with you..

I do not get this thing called Time
     why does it move with the rhythm of my Rhyme?
I wait
     it slows
I start
    it goes
I do not understand
         it slips
                  it drags
    it bores
            it roars
Time,
     you should not Exist

Why is your soul so attractive to me?
       I wanted you before I knew you
I made you up
                    unknowingly
piece    by     piece
                          you came together
   in my past, endeavoring, thoughts
before I knew I had you
       in front of me

From the first moment I knew
   I felt like we've known each other before
                          maybe we have..

It sparked my curiosity
        why are you so intriguing
   it is rather exciting
        
Cognitively, I put up my security
      and held up my heraldry
But I am slowly seeing, you are not one to be fearing
       Why are you this way?
               Why are you so beautiful
    Perhaps because I am use to the hostile

You must experience darkness to appreciate the light
    I embrace your light and soak it up like the rays of the Sun
                    Of all the questions I have but just one
        to answer me,
please       can we continue to be

He told me once, he could tell
that I was Afraid.
   I didn't realize till now,
                the extent of my Pain.
            I pushed it away,
   "I'll be okay,
      I'm fine."
But its not what he sees,
                            I was never good at lying

     He wishes for me to let him in,
but first i must know it's Safe
              to give-in

          especially to one who's        
               Eyes Speak Truth
                          and
       cleansing words Spill like
           the 'Fountain of Youth'

Maybe it's just hard
      for me to Believe
          that between us,
                                                   'something,'
    is about to conceive,
          become affected by; a feeling:
               think of, dream up, devise, formulate,
          design, develop, create,

     when we are Together,
         the Air is so Clear
             and for him,
I want to
                Surrender my Fear

  I want to shake off my Shield,
          and Free my arms
      spread them like Wings
          Exposing my Heart.

  with his
they Beat,
      like the Rhythm of a Drum
           that has been waiting, patiently,
                   in the Shadows, to Sing to the Sun.

   my Mind comprehends,
        what my eyes See
                            then what is still Constricting me?
Fear,
     gives power and control,
             to something other
                   than your soul

i'm slowly taking back what is rightfully Mine
           if We can be resigned,
            we'll see with Time
    then there won't be anymore Lies
                     and Love
                            between us
                                    will be Free to Fly

I wish I could tell you
                how much I like you
    I can tell you like me back
           by the sound in your voice,
                     your excitement, your choice,
               to be involved
            to come to me asking,
                            to be enthralled.
Yes, yes, I will,
      just tell
  Me where and when?
         I want to see you
                I want to have
       a shared acquaintance
            or companionship
Please,
     to me,
         Open Your Soul
      and in turn,
                            I,
          (who never tells)
                               her secrets
                 for they open acceptance
                                      of Control
                                            for others
                                               to use
                                              against..
But no,
   I cannot
         I know I'm weird,
                                   absurd.
             I am for real,
         because I Am Me.
  So you be you,
     and what is True,
                 will show
                     within me too.
      I shall not hide,
          please be wise,
              I do not easily
                  show this side.
            They do not listen,
                   they do not see.
so I show Nothing.
    a facade,
       a face,
            a mask, does dotingly,
                   quickly,
                        replace.
           to adapt,
                 protect,
                       change,
                            to become
                       surroundings,
                            feelings
                       emotions,
                              flowing.
   If comfortable, I bring what, is me..     out
          enjoy, escape, be
                 that's me
                                    my friends,
                             the close ones,
                                       only ones to see.
But You,
        there's something,
                 I cannot describe
                      A mystical mystery
                             like science
              to be discovered
                         or maybe uncovered
          but that's half the fun.
                            I won't say out loud,
                    you are the One.
                                            I like you a lot.
                         so you are the one I want to show
                                      you are the one I want to see
                                                 will you too, then, show me?

Someone please take this car away from me
before my road rage kills.
Third degree murderer on the high way chasing thrills.
Music from the stereo will be the sounds I hear last.
My mind and this machine are moving too fast
maybe i'm indifferent, maybe I want it to be
but this ******* ride will be the death of me.

Gracefully dancing standing still
no destination nor force of will
no catacombs can claim or tame the thought
one not to be abused nor left to rot.
as i stare in awe it amuses me
a weightless cloud is what I dream to be

Fresh out of the Cocoon.
                   Waking up in the Eastern Sun.

                    Truth is depressing,
              it only digs up deeper questions
                                    and empty answers.

The Secret is
          Embracing the Emptiness,
                         filling it with Breath and                                          
                                                      Compassion.
          
          The Wild Spirit
                  Seeks
             Adventure

                                          Yet the Open
                                              Hungry
                                                 Mind
stays quiet
     behind a composed exterior
              unafraid to have fun and be crazy.

that piece of personality is as real and
           humble as the quiet

                                                          ­  There is A Proud and
                                                              Un­spoken Spirituality
                                                               that Guides how you
                                                                ­    *walk this Earth.

Him:
     "The moon as you are, so soft in lazy motions.
  The ease of your comforting words.
     As a patron of this Earth I gaze for more than one night.
  I know there are all your Phases like frames in each Creation.
     Where I am is in the Water, and in the Waves you make me Move.
  I will continue on these tides for you are my Moon.

     'Fly me to the Moon,'
   a great man once said,
     'To your surface, surrounded with me in a crater.
   Like a Child with a telescope I gawk, amazed, lit up, and naked.
     See your skin, dark to begin
   still waiting as the Tides in the ocean Sin.
     To the Moon and more,
   If only I could tie a String.'"

Me:
     "Gravity pulls, her winds blow.
   Balance of the two create the Waves.
     When she feels Threatened, her senses are Heightened,
   and her Emotions cause Commotions in the Water.
     The Waves then shut down, not making a Sound,
   which angers the Moon.
     She is there to shed Light in the Darkness.
   When the Waves won't give in,
     she casts Dim."

Him:
"Yes, I agree, just keep your head up.
And yes, you can unleash
on me whenever you want.
Just understand I may do the same.
But I do listen to you,
and I do know how sensitive you are
that's why I don't..

I'm sensitive,
but I can look past
I'm not made of glass
and people need to vent,
or just tear someone down
and to pieces cause it makes them feel control
of something
and keeps them sane,
which is normal.."

Me:
     *is it?
     no but
    for real,
      is it?

Him:
"I love you,
the Sun will drop, the Stars move aside,
waves subside,
to the calming of a head on a pillow.

Here it is the case of blood and gold
that's backpacked a thousand miles
and the square footage,
of a Human Soul Infinite."

Me:
"Traveler's Dilemma:
                  never Satisfied.
  an Adventurer of the classified,
     to what might make the Questions
                                                              Real,
so the pupil will not live Insanity.

At least to know what she does not is Truth
so the Journey is not a wasted youth."

Nothing is Real.
none of this matters to me.
               I am going somewhere I feel I am making
         a Difference
              to a world
                  of Truth.

Goodnight,
       to the distant man
               who's always there,
                             but never here..

                                                         ­     forgetting
                                                 ­                 or letting,
                                    controlling,        ­                                open,
                           ­                      phrase,                                       cage,
                                                                ­                                         escape,
                                                                ­                   wage,
                                             tell me secrets,
                                                      li­es,                                  hide,
                                                                ­                                 lost,
     abyss,
                                                          ­                                           everyone wants,
                                                         needs,
                                                            desi­res,
                                                            ­                                               give,
                                                                ­                           take,
                                                                ­                                        waste,
                  ­                                                                 ­              why?
                                                            ­                   sigh
                                                          ­                    escape:
                                                                ­                high
                                            ­                                                 I don't know anything,
                                                       ­                                               too young to realize,

past tense too late,
                                       Help!
                                  I can't;
                                                          ­          sad song,
                                                           ­                tune of the world
                                                           ­                           slowly dying,
                                                          ­                                     crying
                                                          ­                                                  solves nothing,
                                                        ­                                 water the Earth?
                   Love?..
                   avoid,
                 = dismay
                                        confusion,
                                             never clear
go away,
   always there,
       but never here.