Em Glass

Em Glass May 2013

"And though you want this to last forever you know it never will. And the goodbye makes the journey harder still." —Cat Stevens, "Oh Very Young"*

goodbyes are before goodbye is said.
they are looming over everything, they
are ******* the joy out of the time
that is left.

it is so hard to remember to forget
the goodbye until it happens,
so hard to remember not to forget
the goodbye once it's over, when
forgetting seems so easy.

in a situation where goodbye is
imminent, we cannot win.
we can't be wallowing in self-pity
or we will waste away the time we've
got left, and all our times will be sad
and what will we have to remember
these days by? the sadness? that
will not do, these days are
marked by something far more
bittersweet than bitter.
but if we push away the sadness,
we will be able to enjoy our time,
and the end will hit harder,
and happy memories are hardest
to remember.

i am scared of remembering.
i am scared of forgetting.

such is the nature of goodbyes.

goodbye

[i miss you]

[i love you]

Em Glass May 2013

Pretending we know how to goodbye

What if today was the last day I'll
see you?

                                                     What if it was yesterday, and I'm
                                                                 not really here right now?

I love you.

                                                      Who are you talking to?


                                                      I love you, too.

I'll miss you

Em Glass May 2013

Salvation

I feel
that if
it hadn't
been for
you
I would
have sunk
back into
sadness

but since
I knew we
only had
a few
more weeks

[time,
dreaded
time]

I did
my best
to make
them
the best
weeks ever
and to
do that
we both
had to
be happy
and I
think we
accomplished
that very
well

no
regrets.

but I'll still miss you.

my savior.

Em Glass May 2013

To hide from the people

she used to say,
I want to go to a small school
where no one locks their doors
and everyone knows each
other

she came from a big high school
so many kids in the hallways
and naturally she got used to
being able to slip though the cracks

of the system and avoid the world,
to use the people to hide from the
people. oh, how she hated the people.
and now suddenly she is seeing

that in order to blend in and be quietly,
in order to hide from the people, you
need to be where there are lots of people.
humans are paradoxes in everything else

they do. why not this too.

[hiding would be nice.]

Em Glass May 2013

Either Way

i can't tell if you are
pulling away slowly
because you know you
are leaving soon
or if i am pulling
myself away quickly,
so rapidly you haven't
even noticed
that i am selfishly
trying to lessen the pain
before you go instead
of relishing our
last moments together.

either way, you are
unaware of any change

that hurts.

Em Glass May 2013

That is how much

I dive right in even though
I know that by the time I get
to the bottom the pool will
be shallow

and when I stand up and shake
the water from my hair and
open my eyes I know for certain
that the water will have drained

away entirely. Just me, soaking,
sopping, sobbing in an empty
pit of gray concrete. I will still
dive because that
                               fall

through the                      air

will be the most precious thing,
I suspect. I am sure it will be for
nothing in the end but before then,
it will be for you.

I will do it for you and for my
own selfish reasons, because it's
you, I know, and I will never find
another like you nor will I try.

When you leave I want to remember
you properly, with your eyes shining
but not from tears. Smiling eyes,
laughing pools of brown, open.

Always I will remember you and
I want the memories to be perfect
because I love you and I am not
as selfless as you and I want to

remember love this way so that
when I fall into the shallow water
and the shock flows up my spine
and stings my soul I can remember

your face and remember
that I did it for you, that love is strong
enough to push acrophobia off the
edge and send it
                               s       o    a    r       i    n    g

with arms spread wide and eyes wide
open. Maybe if I can remember that, the
soaring before the fall, I will try again
to find it even though I know it won't

be your fall. I will continue in search
of it anyway, a hopeless search for
something halfhearted, but I will
continue it whole-heartedly, that I

might always be reminded of you.
And now, I will embrace the concrete
floor, the stinging of the spirit and
the soaring of the soul, as I fall, that

you might see my smile and enjoy
the fall with me,
before it crashes.

That is how much I love you.

"It's you, I always, always knew." —The Vaccines

Em Glass May 2013

bend don't break

We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again. — P!nk, "Just Give Me a Reason"*

If you are flexible
you will bend
instead of breaking.
Bent.
Not broken.

But have you ever tried
to make origami?
A paper crane— so
beautiful, so white, so
pure. Innocence. A bird.
A dove.
A crisp clean sheet,
and you fold it over and
you feel like you are taking
the first booted step
into a field of
untouched snow.
You're folding, you're folding,
it's not working out.
It's bent.

You unfold.
You start again.
You find yourself absentmindedly
doing the same folds as before—
creases in the paper, so
deep, so hard to avoid. Little
traps waiting to be
fallen back into.

Even if you manage it
properly, the final product
(the cranes, the swans, the doves)
will have creases
folds where there should be
smooth whiteness.

But it was just bent.
Not broken.
No.
It was not ripped. Not
physically.
The heart never is.

It's still broken.

There is no reason. Hope feeds on hope and I have been hungry for days. There is no hope.