Each day she grows stronger.

All physical functions
require acute concentration
unwavering vigilance.

Her invisible shackle's bind me.

Tornadoes my conscience
weakens muscles, bruises skin
Splinters the soul.

Her outstanding weapon?
Relentless emotional chaos!

Such a taboo
it was never discussed
that forbidden topic
so how
how?
was I to identify
understand
accept what I felt
that tender age
Gay!
negatively tossed
about playgrounds
freely
pushing that thorn
ever deeper inside
burying
those give-away's
convincing myself otherwise
moulding
to average for the
ignorants acceptance
why?
so not to feel those
terrifying branding
labelling
Eyes.

So young was I,
Back then.

Tight buns with tutus,
An undefined fuchsia on that stage.
Curtseying along for the applause,
Branded by spotlights.

Typically oblivious,
Like others prancing in the herd.
What shackeld influence had,
Diluted our impressionable
Selves.

A petals detail grown
On such feeble foundations.
Stemed from those early teachings,
Of the parents own unachieved
Dreams.

So young I was
  Back then.

I'm
Bored
Chase me
Throw me down
Bind my arms legs
Let the wax drip burn
I'm tired of this control
Take it from me If you can
A Passion so demanding
Make me scream
Clear loud
Please!

My counter sits patiently
as always on that square
waiting!

For chance of your die
to land you on a merciful
ladder.

I have risked my way
now just before the finish
No. 99

Slid down those reptiles
Escaped their constrictions
fought.

It wasn't easy, what is?
I understand your reserve
Honestly.

My game was easier
I had a more forgiving
Board.

Whispered once before
I will always be there, still plays
True.

Only together will I brave
No. 100, so my counter stays
Roll.

If only it was so
to grasp claim bottle
delete
What is so
evasisive yet direct
as those mesmorising swirls
of memmory
such a sizable spectrum
shifting softly
drematically
caused by so simple
a trigger
Invading that grey
ensareing
A
previously lost
Sense.

I would be lying to say i'll miss you
For to truly miss someone
It requires more
Than a few
Shadowy memmories
A shared bloodline
Family name.

Does this make me cold heartless
The lack of tears
I have shed
For the news of your passing?
It has long been my responsibility
To provide a shoulder
Comforting words
Tissue's.

To those that are close to me
Who held stronger bonds
With you
Their painful loss expressed
So passionately
Reliving nostalgic moments
From childhood visits
Spent in your home.

You had been gone for a while
Altzeimers
Stole the person they once knew
Also made them stranger's
Despite the desperate reminders
"Mum I am your daughter"
For one glimpse
Any slight recognition
A brief act of yourself.

You are peaceful now
No more broken memmory
Living for being alive
Just a merciful sleep
Complete at rest
With
A loving family
To honour
Your fulfilled life
Memmory.

Is it wrong to feel relief
Instead of grief?

Miles
We have
Made together
Light and darkness
The latter bothered you
Not me for I ate my carrots
Cleaner feels the air still comforting
If our attire was less concealing
Challenge more would I
Not without you ever
Roads stretching
Far from
Here.

Is this all, everything?

Mistrust is easy, safe.
Love is torturing.

Pain is refreshing, expected.
Silence is deafening.

Darkness is soothing, complete.
Light is blinding.

Longing is natural, common.
Happiness is teasing.

Hate is power, strength.
Normailty is dreaming.

Is this all, everything?

Forced it to lie dormant
and non existent
for it crippled me before
that feeling
I had for you
like an addiction though
my heart wasn't in it
not for a second
did that feeling fade
magnificently
fragile as a glass wing
butterfly
Is love.