Missing you daily.
Thoughts seeping in, caressing.
Wanting, constantly.

Here we go again
Insistent chirping
All night long

Does weariness
Not chase you?
If not I will.

Brandishing a
Wok!

Tears should be stinging my eyes
Yet nothing brews there.

Am I incapable of such emotions?

Fear
Sadness
Love
Anger

All I can muster is Numbness.
Is it a safety reflex?

To prevent me from facing what I truly feel.
From years of consoling others.

I remain robotic, incapable.

Earphones pumping rhythms to keep apace to.
Relaxed, steady, determined one leg at a time.
Hedgerows gliding past, forever long.

Blood pumping, harder stronger faster.
Chest is heaving, struggling gasping.
Back is tense, muscles constantly contracted.

Focussing on anything else but breathing
Impossible,yet it is lovely.
Like an old friend, thoughtlessness embraces me.
Caressing and Familiar.

Wanting, waiting, asking.
Expecting what cannot be given.
Youthful and inexperienced.

Yet they do not acknowledge this.
Told blatantly, ignorance is chosen.
Truth is not accepted.

Despite how it is needed.
False security, lies are wanted.
They will not receive it.

Not from me.

You attack me when I am weak, helpless powerless to defend.

Why?

Simply because you can!

Everything becomes a joke, nothing is meant or meaningful.
Not with you.

Words are spilt, not spoken.

Sense, Reason, Purpose.
None of these describe you.
I crave that escape.

Hate and Love collide, become one.
I no longer exist, you embody me now.

Still aware, you grant me with memory.

Why?

Because you can, simple!

Sleep, evading me.
Torturing agony, Please!
Awake, immobile.

Word's cutting me deep.
Not physical pain, But worse!
Misinterpreted.

Scared, eyes are heavy.
Adrenaline pumping fast.
Horror excites me.

Never unexpected, never planned.
Fuel'd by a liquid confidence.
Cheesy chat up lines slurred at the bar.

Flattered by attention, cheeks flush.
Speedy check up in the powder room.
Touched up, Taxi's dial'd.

Time enough for a lucky shot.
Address? unprepared, both are given.
Eyes are rolled in the rear view mirror.

Payments made hastily, no change wanted.
Front door provides a challenge.
Stumbling through in an awkward embrace.

Side lamps smashed as shoes kicked off.
Collapsing with satisfaction, gyration begins.
Clumsy, inexperienced.  Oh God

Knotted stomach, dry tongue and self loathing.
Clothes gathered in utter silence.
Taxi dial'd, coffee craved in want of a new identity.

Our hands entwined, expressing feelings no words can describe.
Fingertips reading every emotion with exact precision.
A new language fully mastered, due to necessity.

Sun, exaggerating our expressions for others to witness.
Penetrating the wall of friendship we are hidden behind.
Eyes asking the questions their mouths don't dare to utter.

Not in daylight public, that's against the unwritten rules.
Glares are probing, scolding, scrutinising and disgusted.
We are exposed to this criticism daily, without argument.

It is pointless, for they cannot hear our words.
Worthless is explanation, their small minds are made.
Creatures we are, unholy a different species entirely.

They preach mercy, forgiveness, and understanding.
Yet they do not practise it.
Unworthy of acceptance, is it that much to ask?

I sit alone, with a thousand friends
Each is silent, but screaming.

I struggle hard.

Shouting
Begging
Pleading
Each is silent, but screaming.

I crave to respond,
Tho realitys clutch is tight.

Summoning
Appealing
Demanding
Each is silent, but screaming.

I fill with desire, yerning.
His grasp on me is slipping.

Come on!
We're Here!
NOW!
Each is silent, but screaming.

I evade his last restraint.

Embraced by each with pleasure.
Addicted, I stay in hiding.

Reality gone.
So am I.