why is he so perfect
why does he have to be so good to me
he makes me feel happy which isnt exactly easy
he would never let me be upset
or hurt

i really wish i could stop feeling how i do about him
the heart emojis that mean something to me are shallow and playful to him
the "i want to help"s make my heart beat faster
the plationic "i love you"s make my heart both break and flutter

i love him
and he "loves" me

its just not enough

i loved him
i still love him, he doesnt feel the same
he left me, telling me
"i still want to be friends"
well guess what
i don't
you lied to me
hurt me
and broke me

but now
its my turn

a life where I always feel wrong
where I cant remember my left from right
my up from down
im just falling cause I cant make right choices

I found love, he found lust

he cant care about anything other then what I wont give him

because I cant give all of me to him he moves on

and once again im left to feel stupid

it
it follows me with its eyes as i walk past
it looks hungry
it follows me

it pins me to the wall
it puts its hands everywhere
it doesn't hear my pleads

it abuses
it hurts
it hates

it marks my neck
it thinks i belong to it

it knows i wont fight back
it destroys me

it
doesn't
care

what is hope?
is it the ache for better
or the bright side of everything

does it ever truly exist?
or does it just manage to be a shadow of an idea

hope isn't real
all the children who look for better are stupid

this is our world
it *****
and its not getting better

so what is hope now

hope
is
nothing

Never shall I forget the day in which my whole life changed
The day I was introduced to my closest "friend"
Her name is Grief
She follows me everywhere  
She's been there for me since my father took his life
Grief likes to bring her friend along sometimes
His name is Guilt
The two are always there for me, reminding me of my uselessness
"you're the reason he's gone" they chant behind me
Every day
My only break from them is when I sleep
But even then, Insomnia creeps into my room and talks to me all night
Reminding me of how much I let Guilt and Grief in
But Insomnia is the one to show me how to deal with them
"Cut them away, they will leave your body in the color of red and escape by trickling down your legs"
So, I listened
And slowly, things got "better"
Then worse
Every night I had my "freeing session" but they just kept coming back
So I gave up
I let them stay, and gave up
My three friends still taunt me, but maybe I deserve it