why is he so perfect
why does he have to be so good to me
he makes me feel happy which isnt exactly easy
he would never let me be upset
or hurt

i really wish i could stop feeling how i do about him
the heart emojis that mean something to me are shallow and playful to him
the "i want to help"s make my heart beat faster
the plationic "i love you"s make my heart both break and flutter

i love him
and he "loves" me

its just not enough

i loved him
i still love him, he doesnt feel the same
he left me, telling me
"i still want to be friends"
well guess what
i don't
you lied to me
hurt me
and broke me

but now
its my turn

a life where I always feel wrong
where I cant remember my left from right
my up from down
im just falling cause I cant make right choices

I found love, he found lust

he cant care about anything other then what I wont give him

because I cant give all of me to him he moves on

and once again im left to feel stupid

it
it follows me with its eyes as i walk past
it looks hungry
it follows me

it pins me to the wall
it puts its hands everywhere
it doesn't hear my pleads

it abuses
it hurts
it hates

it marks my neck
it thinks i belong to it

it knows i wont fight back
it destroys me

it
doesn't
care

what is hope?
is it the ache for better
or the bright side of everything

does it ever truly exist?
or does it just manage to be a shadow of an idea

hope isn't real
all the children who look for better are stupid

this is our world
it *****
and its not getting better

so what is hope now

hope
is
nothing