You are not a person,
******* it,
you are a nebula.
You don't have skin
you have island universes of stars
and your hands aren't hands
they're the whole ******* solar system branched out through your fingertips.

I can't look at you
without feeling like I'm spiralling through your galaxy
without losing breath
because after all
there's no oxygen in space

But the worst part is your eyes
those great opal voids
your infinite ******* chasms
that engulf me every time

And I always thought I'd be scared in space
like it's too big, too empty, too unexplored
but here I am
floating
not scared at all

there's something scratchy in my throat. behind my tongue. between my lips. it's ever-present, ever-changing, ever-clawing to be set free. it sits solemnly as i wake, stretching its own claws as i wind up, holding out for the moment i realize that i am conscious. once again. for another day. holding out for the moment i'm smiling, thinking this will be a better day. then it howls. scratches up, up, up. itches my tongue. pounds against my teeth, slithers between my lips, hisses. **maybe not.

an insect
dropped on my hand
I am not sure what it is
the size of a grain of rice
with wings
I have seen these things
all of my life
I let it live
it is a friend of mine
neither it or I
mean any harm
it heads up arm
only to reach my elbow
then jump off
then fly away

I am content sitting here
on my back porch
alone
staring at the stars
that blanket over my home
I do not need
to be seen
to be known
I am around
all types of friends
things that fly
and things that build
webs between tree limbs
or things that crawl
around my feet
their colors are beautiful
and I cherish the comfort
they seem to have around me
there is no love
that could compete
with the love
that mother nature brings

I used to think romantic love
were the only love to be real
then as I become older
I believe romantic love
does not exist
those pretty girls
are like the insects
an equal part of
the same world
that I live in

the same feeling
you get from a kiss
is the same feeling
you get when you bond
with a friend
or when you see a dandelion
take flight into the wind
scattering
only to land
and you know
it will begin again

As much as I can
I repress the one part
of myself that I can't stand
the hopeless romantic
that sits in my brain
trying to change the things
I think
drown them down
the kitchen sink

It's a laser light show!
Fit for all ages!
Just don't look too hard at people's faces,
you'll see how strung out they are.
Pick your poison, smack, speed or stress,
we got it all.

Bring your daughter!
Bring your grandma!
Just don't look down the back alleys,
you'll see kids shooting dope,
and mother's selling their bodies.

Inbreds!
Racists!
We got them all,
come and see them before the city locks them up.
But wait!
For a limited time only,
get a free half gram of baking powder with any order of ******* (you must purchase at least one gram for the offer to apply).

pushing for love is scary. people like to say that it's worth it. but love is a bitter boomerang; you push too hard and it comes back swinging, comes back pushing you, comes back beating you to the ground until you can't breathe. true love leaves you gasping for air, but not in the poetic sense. love leaves you tied to the bottom of the ocean with rocks in your pockets. trapped in a plane with your head out the window. inside of a plastic bag. love is suffocation. pushing for suffocation is scary.

handrail, wall, ceiling, stair
tumbled down the whole flight
by mistaking the door
for the staircase as the door
for the bathroom
as doom loomed near
nothing had been more clear
I've been falling down stairs
my whole life
bruising, aquiring contusions,
bleeding, clotting, bones snapping,
regrowing,
I'll be okay, I'll be okay
if I can just manage to crawl
back up to the party
to the... party
to the...
to...


**blackout