days
weeks
months
and I'm still flying
solo
not even close
to a special someone
I linked arms with
a lady
and that was hard won
even if it was only
to keep her from
falling
.

Nine months
I've been untouched
not a single brush
of passion from lips
or a traced design
from finger tips
I miss it
I miss it
I miss
being
loved

"The way you work
is so messy"
as paints lay all
around,
bits of paper
tacked, taped
in shapes
five shades
of blue
stain my arms
"And your pieces are so...
unclean, undefined"
I laughed a little
and replied
"Just like
life."

Why do so many
strangers
tell me they see
god in my eyes
when inside
I am
godless

What is this?
Does it even exsist?
Are they all just lies?
Is this just a dream?
You and me.
what does it mean?
I love you i do,
and that i know is true.
But do you love me?
Yes, we have a life.
Yes, we have a home.
But why does everything feel broken,
Feel missing and at times unreal?
When i look at our son
It's hard to believe he came from you.
Sometimes it's hard to believe he came from me
So what is this?
is it true?
Is this me?
Is this you?
...

Quitting smoking
is like pushing away
the only person that
will never...can never
leave you
her perfume calms the jitters
and if you really miss her
just open up the pack
grab another

but
she is
only
a false
replacement
for a
lover

a friend asked,
"Do you miss her?"
and before I could whisper
a reply
they nodded,
"You do, I can see it
in the way you look
at the sky
...
everytime"

I cling
to words
for fear
that my body
could
disappear

*******
cut above the
second knuckle
so I mean it
in blood
when I say
"****
the
world"