I had no intention of causing any more harm than she had done to herself, which became the catalyst for a series of letters. Pages upon pages of observations, one more prominent than the others; You wish you knew me like I wish you knew yourself.
I became under the impression she received the message, neither of us were fit to infatuate with the other. However, she still met me that afternoon in the park. She still approached me in her most vulnerable character.
Hi, i’m J-
I know who you are. I always have. I know you biblically and genetically alike. I know your mother’s maiden name, and the reason for your scar. What I don’t understand is, why me?

Quiet response, scared. Vulnerable. Scarred.

*I wish I knew myself like you know me.

Standing here in a crowded doorway, waiting for the signal to rush off, be somewhere new and make the choice. Where do I go now? Before my escape, she passes with her sparkling new faces. They smile at her, laugh with her and think she’s just the coolest thing since sliced bread. I watch her travel on, but her smirk is gone. Instead, a perfectly-placed pout over... Who knows? But I can see that this time, it’s real, although she’s even more ashamed of it than the smile she hid before. This pout, she herself doesn’t understand. She thought she was happy.

Thunderstorms still scare me,
so uncontrollable and startling. I like to lock me door against the rain and keep my light turned on, remembering all those times I silently held on to my mom, her warm arms shielding me from the danger so recently discovered in the word "alone".

I am still just one little girl
wishing she could run in to someone's arms for refuge from the storm.
It's raging just inside my walls,
beating against my heart and raining woes, searching for a warmth to call my own.

So arms are discovered,
found infinitely large and never abandoning, inviting me in to stay and share a dream with Him,
to have my heart beat
beat with Him.

I'm watching the fear of "alone" disappear.

I don't want your words
Because words can lie
And I don't want your lies
No matter how accidental they are

And you shouldn't want my words either
I know I lie
I know I change my mind
And I want the words I give to you to last forever

But you do
I know what you want me to say
I know the unasked question

It's in your eyes
Your stance
Your voice

I can see it in everything you do
I hear it in everything you say
I can tell

Or I'm just imagining it

Either way

I don't know how else to tell you

What I can't say
Anything I don't say
All the things you want to hear
That I just don't

It has nothing to do with you
Or your failings or shortcomings

Which sounds like a bad breakup line
I know
But it's not
I don't want to leave you

But more than that
I want you to know
That everything I say to you
That all of it
Is absolutely true
In every possible way

I don't ever want to change that
I don't even want to risk it
You're too important

Maybe I'm just being crazy
It wouldn't be the first time
I've just always believed that words
They have power

Maybe not magical power
Or spiritual
Or physical

But whatever they have
It's enough
And I don't ever want to hurt you with them
Not even a little

So just know

When I say I miss you
I do

When I say that you are wonderful
Breathtaking
Irritating
Handsome
Intelligent
And beautiful both inside and out
You are

When I say I love you
I mean it

Every word
Every syllable
Every letter
Always and forever

And we'll figure out the rest

Being with you is having a best friend.
Giggles and belches and pillow fights.
We scream out in joy, rolling and tumbling
Across the room.

Rummaging through the fridge,
returning with armfuls of food.
The mess spreads over the whole kitchen,
Eggs cook underneath the pan.

Meals fit for giants scarfed down in seconds,
our bellies grow three times their size.
We sit, and groan, unable to move.
Smiles splashed across our faces.

Legs tangled, heads in odd angles,
Your snore like a baby bear.
We toss and turn as we pull closer,
dreaming of our future plans.

Passionate kisses, soft touches,
We exercise in the one way we know how.
As close to each other as physically possible,
"I love you" 's whispered in ears.

I talk endlessly, and you listen.
You repeat things you've told me time and again,
But I listen.  Happily, for the way your eyes light up
bring happiness to my life, if only for the moment.

I know I am not alone,
I have a best friend,
A lover,
I have you.

The white blankets in the closet
The red blankets in the bed
An infant in his mother
His mother in pain
The father in the corridor
The corridor in the house
The house in the city
The city in the night
The death in a cry
And the infant in the life

Someday I hope to love you
          The same way small children love to name their turtles Speedy
                          and
                                 Three legged hamsters Tripod

Mother Nature gave me up for adoption
                    She was young
                                          I was destructive.