Ellen Bee

Ellen Bee Sep 2013

Before

Her body lay crooked and peaceful on the pavement. She didn't close her eyes until she hit the ground and it was over in a way it had never been before.
The wind felt so soft against her skin yet harsh in her ears, blocking out all other sound. Falling, she was graceful in a way she had never been before.
She thought of her dog, and how she'd be alone and hopefully someone would feed her. She'd forgotten to do the dishes.

She thought of the time she met that guy from Chicago. Ben was his name. They had *** in his car in a dark alley, next to a dumpster.
He never took her shirt off and that was the only one-night stand she would ever have. Maybe she should have written more than "Goodbye" on that napkin.
She thought of her mother's grave and her father's will. Her whole life didn't flash before her eyes like she'd heard it would.

She ended up falling backwards like someone would catch her. She couldn't decide whether to leap or just keep walking.
As she stood on the edge, she noticed the city was beautiful in a way it never had been before.
The wind was cold and threatening
and she realized she was afraid of heights. She took off her shoes and it only took one step to get where she needed to be.

As she walked across the top of the building, she didn't cry and she was calm in a way she never had been before. She got off on the twentieth floor and climbed the two flights of stairs to
the roof. When she got on the elevator, six people joined her and no one
asked questions and she was alone in a way she never had been
before. She walked the eight blocks to the building she
knew and tried to appreciate all the small
things but the air smelled like
hot dogs and no one
on the street was
smiling.

She locked her apartment door and dropped the keys on the floor. They made that sound only that keys and loose change can make. Before she left she looked in the mirror by the door
and noticed her reflection was so confident in a way it never had been before.
She almost wished she could cry but that seemed silly so she closed all
the blinds instead. She looked at the clock and it was half past six
and it was time to go in a way it never had been before.

Ellen Bee Sep 2013

XO

Long before I knew you,
I didn't think you existed.
I find myself wondering
if you're really who I thought you were.
Now you're here and I'm scared
and I don't know why.
What if it's not right?
****, long before I knew you,
I didn't know me.
You found me and
I'm lost again.

Ellen Bee Sep 2013

Retrieving Shang

The feathers of the trees turn to ash
The wind dances coldly
The air smells of summer's death
And winter's rebirth
I realize the earth is a phoenix
And I am happy

Ellen Bee Sep 2013

2:08 am

She makes a *** of coffee like it'll help her sleep
and chain smokes at the kitchen table.
The smoke dancing off her cigarette fades
more gracefully than her love for him
and it's all she can do to keep from crying
over the fact that they're out of sugar.
It has nothing to do with grocery shopping.

She laughs alone most of the time.
Before she knows it she's lost in the dark again
and the only one she wants to save her
doesn't have a flashlight.

The ring on his finger might as well be strangling her
as she lights another cigarette and hopes for the worst.
They say you can't choose who you love, but what if
you can't love who you choose?

It hurts to think of the pain it would cause
and **** if she'll not regret it for the rest of her life
if she makes the wrong decision and does the right thing.

She lights another cigarette and realizes
she's almost out of time.
She can't help but wonder if something's a mistake
if you do it on purpose.
She lights another cigarette and notices
she never turned the coffee *** on
and the sugar bowl is still empty.

Ellen Bee Sep 2013

Feel This

Before you go
Hit this
Before you go
Don't go
It wasn't me
It was you
It's not that bad
Before you go
This was...
We were...

Ellen Bee Sep 2013

Six Word Poem

"I'm always alone," she told everyone.

Ellen Bee Sep 2013

Whiskey Sour

The lipstick on the glass only reminded her
That her windshield wipers didn't work.
She never had owned an umbrella.
That guy at the end of the bar probably won't talk to her
And the bartender will talk too much.
Somehow this was supposed to make her feel better
But drinking alone in a bar is still drinking alone.