there are some nights i find myself caught by my own reflection in a stranger’s mirror and i stand there scrutinizing every dip and curve trying to understand how this all came to be. the years of pain and disappointment have found a stable home in the lines of my face and it has altered the shape of it into a person i fail to see. i don’t recognize myself and these endless thoughts tumbling around are so foreign i fear they belong to someone else entirely. i don’t want them and need to give them back right now, take them back. i stare into the dark blue of my father’s hooded eyes and tighten my grip around my mother’s hipbones and understand that, with my grandmother’s hands, i will bury all that was left unsaid so deep until it becomes the very foundations for which i will build on.

28 oct, 2011

on late nights like these when i’m in this place all alone i can hear the trains periodically roll by like rhythmic thunder and it’s sometimes the only sound i’ll hear for several minutes, not even my own heartbeat loud enough to break the heavy silence. i am thankful for these moments and bury myself deep under the covers embracing the solitude like a casual lover. sometimes though it can be so paralyzing and everything from the past creeps up into my chest resurfacing old pains i hide in the deepest, darkest corners within myself that when the train comes thundering by it’s as if my past is charging through the night into my lungs all the way down to my curled toes.

30 may, 2011