I need a form of closure
Because I don't really know if anything that happened was real
If your fingers really traced my thighs
If your teeth really broke the skin
If you really ever held me close
To know anything
Because even though you ruined me
You also created me

I've taken a new name
Because I couldn't deal with the
Constant reminder
The way you said Ellie
Sent shivers down my spine
It felt like cool cascading rivers washing down my skin

I stop to think if you've ever said my name again
In those dark prison walls
Locked away
You've never really looked good in orange

Sometimes I'll look at the scars on my legs and think
What would have happened if I hadn't met you
Would I still be Ellie
Wrapped in the innocence of ignorance
Or would I have still found out what I know now

You made me feel as though I had galaxies is my veins
And like my eyes were deep pools of the night sky
My mouth had been a grave yard
But you planted the tree of life on my tongue
My hair contained the winds of the world
But since the day I found out you left
I started draining my galaxy veins
Leaving empty universes
Reality with you holding her fogged over my night sky eyes
The tree of life was poisoned by my acidic voice
The day you left
The wind became extinct
And every metaphor I ever was, is gone

When I was young I wanted to be Crystal
It sounded so fragile and clear,
It was who I wanted to be
I felt so
muddy and alone
Then I wanted to be Lilly
Delicate and pure
The opposite of what I was at the time
No rough girl
with and older boyfriend could be called Lilly
I now want to be called Aurora
The galaxies on my skin
And in my hair
I am the light of the night
I am cold

I think my "drug problem" started in seventh grade
When my best friend opened her mouth and showed me her teeth made of pretty pills
And saliva tasted like whiskey
It progressed in eighth grade when we started sneaking ***** into school instead of water bottles
She started drinking spiked coffee on the daily
Bringing in baggies of rummy gummy bears
Over the summer she smoked ***
And I learned to swallow three pills at a time
Our freshman year we skipped three days in a row
And I learned how to disguise the smell of cigarettes into bubbly perfumes
I got prescribed yellow little bottles  
Over the summer I smoked ***
Sophomore year came and we skipped school l
Till my parents caught on
We snorted our first pill together
I started buying
Over the summer
We partied
Till we puked
She got arrested
And I learned how to line