Love,
It is part sweet, part sour.
It may only last an a hour,
But that could be the best hour
U ever spent
With no intent
Of falling deep into the delightful pit of love

Please keep an open heart and soul,
But most importantly wide eyes
'Cause love comes
When you least expect it.

what happened to the positive feelings?
did they all fade away?
what happened to your promise
to see me in person someday?
we haven't been talking,
and honestly i'm worried
what happened?
what changed?
will we never be the same?

Tall chairs, no backs
Short chairs, tall backs
Arranged in geometric mazes of social anxiety

Round arrangements of fruits, salad
Burgers, comfort foods on rotation
Fruity drinks, PUSH here
Infused water to dull the senses

Alone and lonely
Tall chairs
In front of a screen projecting my insecurities
Stalkers and murderers
A Lifetime of Crime

Friendly face appears around the corner
Handsome tanned face, ***** blonde hair
Eyes clear as blue-tinted topaz on a sunny day
Music had connected us once upon a night
Briefly
And here we are again

Sunday small talk
Over eggs sunny side up and the false illusion of a smile
Church, homework, moods of days
Then on the subject of RAs
"I met him before school,
As part of the Summer Bridge Program"

"I know, I came early too.
Now we're even."

In the cast of all my burdening sensibilities
We are even
You feel it too, don't you?
Pretty face, pretty eyes
All just lies

Sixty fakers masquerading as one of them
Beautiful girls with tanned skin
Hair masterfully tangled into curls enrapturing
The male focus
The boys with smiles brighter than summer clouds
Chiseled so well da Vinci would be proud
Striped cards glazed with a sweetness so thick
Masqueraders envy

Can it be spoken of?
Can I do this?
Can I do that?
Why do I even try?
They know I'm not like them
But I want them to like me
But my conscientiousness, my pride, my will to stay alive
Threatens to swallow me whole
Until all that's left is crumbs
Of guilt, self-consciousness and greed

I am an imposter
I'm always the one that's not like the others
Alienation

I want to reach out and caress them

But they're u n t o u c h a b l e

To those like me

Do you ever feel like
The person behind the poem,
You know 'em?
Though they live thousands of miles away
And you don't talk the day

Do you ever feel like
You wanna get to know 'em
The behind the poem?
Their traits, their flaws,
Just cause.

People one,
People all.
Learn about someone,
Someone today.
It just might make their day,
Knowing someone out there cares,
When no inside seems to,

The door clicks
The light flickers off
You go from being part of "them"
To being you
Alone besides inanimate belongings
Lending only temporary distraction
From yourself.

In the dark,
There are no boogie men
Only your conscious berating
Assaulting
Worries rain
Tears fall
And no one's the wiser.

Every statement becomes a question
Every little insecurity metastisizing
Growing to ail the mind.

Fear not
The light will come again
And when it does,
Happiness will float down
Like petals after a summer wind
To comfort and ease your suffering

Do good
Do the best you can
And all that you deserve will follow.

I thought I was over you until...

I heard you answer your phone
Speaking perfect Spanish
clear and crisp
it was beautiful.

I saw your eyes up close for the first time.
Darkest and most decadent chocolate
I have ever seen

I saw a sign for a comic book shop
close to your home
You love comics,
DC comics.

All of these reminded
me so much of you
Every time I see these
I feel a proverbial punch in the gut
and a tear in the darkest corner of my eyes.
And I thought I was over you...

I swore I wouldn't do it again

I did it again

I hurt him again

I can't fix what I've done

I've cracked his trust three times now

I'm drowning in guilt

I swore I'd never hurt him

I did

I wish I could go back in time

Back to before all this happened

It's all my fault

All of it

I want to make myself feel pain

Like I made him feel

I need to make myself pay

So I don't do it again

I can't bear to lose him

Although I didn't deserve him in the first place

"I'm sorry," doesn't heal ****

I don't know what to do

I'm lost in my own pain

And the fact that I've hurt the one person I never wanted to hurt

I'm so close to losing him

I don't want to **** up again

help me, someone

anyone

But when he asks what's wrong,

I say

"Nothing."

What have you done to me?

You have...

Flirted and teased

Swept me off my feet

Been on my mind
And in my songs

Made me fall in love with you

Then you just dropped me
Like a nasty tissue
When at once you treated my tender heart
Like a porcelain figure

Why?

The sun is shining
The birds are twitter around
More than everyone after Miley's MTV performance

Schools are closed
Businesses are closed
The city is shut down
Because of a coating of ice
No thicker than my ring finger
That's Texas for you

I get to avoid all that
Homework
Those teachers
On a Monday morning

Isn't it an ice day?

I find myself again
F
  a
    l
      l
        i
         n
           g

Towards pain
Towards pleasure
Towards desire
Towards love
Where talking to one person can make me so happy
Where not can make me so frustrated and sad
And I wish not to stop
My d
         o
           w
             n
               f
                 a
                    l
                      l
Despite the possible consequences
I will not live with regrets

Intimacy isn't just bodies for
Skin-to-skin contact to superficial
Swapping of spit
And all the other ****** fluids known to man.
Flesh degrades.
That's what medicine exists for.
Therefore *** is easy.

Intimacy is the heart-to-heart connections.
There is no shortcut, no replacement.
Those who have it thrive.
Those who don't feel the void
Yet cannot satisfy it alone.
Many try *** and fail.
*** exists to deepen intimacy,
And without such is simply a stream
Of happy, happy chemicals
An ephemeral high...
Meaningless.

I crave the ability to gaze upon
The surface of a soul,
To glide my fingers in the warm pool
Of emotion,
Of trust,
Of love;
To hold another being in my arms
And soothe a ravishing, ravaged heart
Much like my own.
And to know that such is reciprocated equally
To my broken self.

I crave this more than anything
So I must wait.

He was my light on the darkest night
My love from up above
My reason to wake up in the morning
He made my world rotate on its axis
His moods the seasons of the Earth.
He was my world.

a y e a r
Improptu
As sincerely as possible He says
"Elizabeth, I'm glad I'm with you.
Happy anniversary,"
With eyes like melted chocolate

m o n t h s  g o  b y
Inch by inch,
He inched away
Withdrawing from my world
Like a terminal patient
I clung onto my God
Believed He could see my pain
What He was doing to me
He would stop!
All would be well!

My World became so cold as He withdrew
The chills
The silence
The unending tears
He became bare
To any ornament of grace I have ever known
He imploded
And I was the collateral damage

Confusion wracked my mind for weeks
Which turned into months
Which morphed to anger and resent
How was this caring?
I put in all my faith and I was let down

This is why I'm not religious.

What if...
If I had more family?
More siblings?
Gone to a different school?
Been nice to the popular girl?
What would have become of me?
While I know that life can't be based upon ifs,
It's awful curious to think about.
Then after I contemplate those questions,
I come to the conclusion that although it might not be perfect,
My life is fine as it is.

You are
a rose so sweet
and
Without you,
My world is not complete.

I am not sure what to write about.
Too many topics,
Stories to be told.
Where do I start?
More importantly,
When do I yield to a gentle stop,
to look back at my progress?

Was I crazy to think you might be the one?
To dream of the fun we'd have together?

Was I crazy to daydream about you and I?
To fly into the land where daydreams wander?

Was I crazy to believe that this long distance thing could work?
To think that every song related to you and me?

Now that we're over
Tell me this:
Did you really ever love me?
Was I crazy to believe that?

I
am
   just
      an
        empty
            shell
                that
                    is
                      falling
                                  .  
                                    .  
                                       .....

I am confused
Of all this talk of love
What is it exactly?
They say
It is the beating of one's heart
and soul to another's rhythm
They say it is the need of understanding
Of acceptance
Of one individual to another.

This is love.

She says just write a poem
"It's easy to do."
Not true!

Blank page
Empty cage
Open stage.

Knock my head upon a wall,
To find anything at all
To write
Such a fight!

Should I seek war
With the air corps,
Or dance
With a lance?

Need it be love
Or death's mourning dove?

Shall it have fury,
Or shall it scurry
Like a mouse
Without a house?

All these I think,
But never ink,
Just not right,
None a delight.

But then...

Hold on a sec!
I'm not a complete wreck!
Here it comes to save my neck!

Victory is mine...
Isn't it fine?

Try to live a little better each day in some way.

dear lord,
i don't talk to you often enough,
i know.
are you disappointed in me?
no matter, don't make anyone pay for my mistakes.
though i am lonely,
bless the friends i have
and bless the ones i have yet to make (hopefully).
bless the musicians i listen to
to drive away the loneliness in my heart.
they always makes me feel better.
bless my ex's
mend my heart
and let me find my one in a million.
and finally,
forgive me Lord for what i have done
and for what i have left undone.
i'm not perfect at all.

This is the Prayer of a Teenage Girl.

Home at home
Home at last
Words come to fruition
In the fire's blast.

I have been gone
Too many years
Expired thought
My poetic mind
But alas,
True iron wrought

My pain dribbled
Syncope drawn
To the fain of a loving heart
Gone

So, joy!
I'm here again.
Words prove to be
My longest friend.

I think I like you
Your mysteries make me want to know you
I think you are a friend
You support me
I know I couldn't think when we hugged
Swift happiness flooded my brain

Why do I write?
I write, I guess,
to express everything I can't say.
All those thoughts
that run through my head on a common day
have to go somewhere,
right?

When you feel lower
Than the bottom of the barrel
Hopeless and lost
Think of me

When the rain
Can't keep down
Your soaring spirits
Think of me

Use me as your anchor
To keep you from wandering astray
Cry on my shoulder
If you need to anyway
Think of me

Think of me
My pride for you
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To make you feel
Just a little bit better
Our love is stronger than this disease
Of self-deprecation and need
Lean on me
Think of me

Just don't slip away
Or break yourself beyond repair
Because I too will be broken beyond repair
And I know you don't want to see that
Even from Heaven.

The people you love the most
Will always betray you the worst

The people you hate
Will be the ones that help you

Your "friends"
Will be the first people to ditch you

The people you never thought of
Will love you
When no one else will

It's The People you least expect...

If people only knew
What I went through
As a kid...

I had a messed up family
I never had a normal childhood really
Always lonely, single child...

Almost everyone I have ever loved
Has ran from me
Or messed up too badly to be forgiven...

But the past is the past
And there it must stay
For the future cannot come
If the past is in it's place

A friend of mine
Recently asked me a perplexing question:
"Why do you write?"
At the time, my answer was:
"Because I want to express myself."
But the more I thought about the question,
The less sure I was that my answer was sufficient.
Why I write is more complex than that.

I write to tell the stories
That I wouldn't dare say aloud.
People don't care to listen anyway.

I write to free myself,
To go beyond my ****** anchor,
And be something more.

I write to assure myself,
That someone cares about what I have to say,
When I'm lonely.

I write to keep away boredom,
When my mind is going nowhere fast,
And my day is crap.

I write to let it all out,
In the best times and the worst.
No matter what holds me back in life,
Nothing contains me here.

You have to wait for happiness
It'll come out of no where
And into your life
Seems so right
Seems so right

Snow is fallin
On my window
Dreamin about what I could be
Am I this?
Will I be that?
It's all left to fate
And for happiness I'll wait
Seems so right
for the rest of my life
Seems so right

When times get harder
My faith is weary
I'll just keep that dream alive
And it'll keep me goin
Goin, goin
I'll keep praying for my day to come
When you'll come for me
Only for me

Until then
I'll keep starin out my window
Looking the sea of white
I'll be alright
Alright, alright
Tonight

Music speaks to me
Heals me,
Lets me forget my situation

When no one else comes
Music is there
To give me hugs and cry with me

When I have something to celebrate
it's right there
Humming the song of victory

When there's something I need to release
It screams with me
Giving it to them

Music lets me say everything
Without saying a word.

i broke a major law
not city nor state nor federal rule
i broke someone's heart
i was incredibly cruel

he was already broken
he'd been hurt bad before
i can't believe i sunk his boat
and i swore i'd never hurt him

i lied to him
and the rose of regret falls upon me
being so far away from him
and bringing him pain i cannot see

what do i do?
i do not know
will he forgive?
if so, it'll be slow
just tell me
please

Sun
Stars
You're too far
For me to give you the kiss
That I miss
When I've got your heart
But we're miles apart
What can I do
If I can't have you?

So often I draw little things on my papers
First crosses
Then your name
Then how much I missed you
All the same
I never cried on those papers
Although somedays I felt like it
I didn't want to show such weakness
To someone like you
Next time I'll avoid someone like you

Poetry, oh poetry
How I do enjoy thee
Why, I do not
But yet I do.
It is because of your unending grace
The outlet of my emotions
The socket of my heart
I love thee, oh poetry
I do

Rainy day
Trees crashing on my window pane
I'm here
Thinking about lately
And thinking maybe
We could be

So I called you up
And asked you the question
That I've been wanting for so long
To say
And I hear your voice fade away on the line
And you say "Sorry, I just can't Caroline."
That's not fine

So now I'm sitting here
Drowning myself in chocolate
And tears
Dreaming
Oh dreaming about what we could have been
And sitting here
Wallowing in my misery

I thought I had you figured all out
I thought you could love me without a doubt
But you just leave me empty
And so I sit here
At my window
Dreaming of you

Well, friend
I guess in the end
You couldn't love me
Like I wanted you to
Or be who you wanted you to be
Silly stupid me...