You got in!
You are going to the college of your dreams!
And I'm jazzed that you're getting what you need to be
You!
You're going halfway around the world to do what
You
Most want to do.
You
Couldn't be happier.
You
Couldn't imagine the questions that
I have.

First, and foremost,
What about us?
What do you expect me to do?
I feel guilty because, though I'm happy for
You
I'm depressed and angry too.
Six years I've
Waited
Wanted
You
Three more, without
You
But I'm stuck, because
You got in
To my heart.
I can't just leave you,
I can't do anything but wait for
You
Again and again, because
I love you.

So what am I supposed to do?
Learn to live with and without you?
I'm sorry, but I don't want to.

When will it be right to want what I want?

When will the world cease to stop me at all?

I don't think it's wrong to want what I do,

So why must I wait?                            
                                      Wait for the money?
Or for the timing?
                                      Or for that sweet day

When you finally free me and keep me?

For love can't be wrong when it's patient, but

I know not how much longer to be strong.

Or should I just take

                                    Myself out of it

And learn to make my dreams come true alone?

This is the question that keeps me at bay,

From either pulling or pushing away.

I smile
We laugh and talk of the usual things
Summer, Fall, Winter to Spring
I see you as more
You see me as well
So we're together, blossoming with love
I smile
I can't help it!
There's something in your eyes
I trust you with myself
You trust me back
We now have a bond, untouchable
I give to you, you give to me
We complete each other it seems
I smile
Doubts.
Suddenly you're leaving
Nothing to be done
I dream and pray that you'll find a way
You wonder if I'll ever betray
That's something I would *never do
Your doubts and distrust
My fears and panic
We are apart
I smile
You are not leaving, no
And even if you were, so?
Can't love break through anything?
I see that without you I am not whole
Part of me is gone
I'm lonely without you
You feel the same?
Then together again, we're glad
I smile
Now we take it one step further
You hold me, as I hold you
Never let this moment end* I pray
Then you surprise me
A kiss
So simple, yet so wonderful
Another, more, and longer
I feel the bond grow so much stronger
So strong in fact, and everlasting
I start to doubt
I smile
I feel I must, for your sake
If you detect anything amiss
You would be hurt beyond belief
But still this persistant nagging,
Too intense, too much pressure
Are you sure he loves you?
Do you really love him?
I smile
Yet you see right through it all
You know something is gone
Something is lost
You **** a little, and out comes too much
We can't be together
Living this lie
I don't love you, you don't love me
How childish do you want to be?
To believe in something you've never felt.
I see your eyes fill with tears
Of anger and distrust and sorrow
I see this pain and can no longer bear it
Anymore
I smile
For your sake
Maybe if everything seems alright to me
You will heal faster
I see you grieving, as though someone died
I want to run to you,
To hold you
To comfort and tell you I feel the same way!
....
But if I do, won't that just undo all of the
Acting,
Protecting, and
Careful avoidance of your eyes
That I've been suffering through
Only to try to help you?
So though it hurts more than words could say,
Though everything in me longs for us again,
Though all I want is your arms and heart,
I stand tall,
Act normal,
          And Smile

Fred
The little baby girl
So full of life
Elizabeth
The child so eager
To take all that life
Can give her
Lizzy
The superstar wanna-be
Creating a dream
Holding on so tightly
Liz
Responsible, caring
She sees the world
With new eyes
And drops her head
Ardilla
She copes, she lives,
Yet she knows
The hope is gone
Angel
In love,
In glorious
Infatuation
Idzy*
Growing patient and kind
Planning and learning
Making her own place in life
And carefully keeping
Her dreams at bay
So that he will
Ask her one day

Infected
Contagous
Marked

I know my sins
I guess I'm deserving
My eyes are wide awake
Life isn't easy
God is just
It was my time.

I love you God
With all my soul
I'm sorry, God, for among sinners
I am the worst
I never cared
Yet now I fear and love thee
Your powers are greater
Than I ever knew
To take an innocent like me
To put me through fire
And come back to see
That I need you

This scar upon me is fading
Yet the scar upon my heart
Stays true
A constant reminder
Ever present
You aren't your own
I can take you away

I belong to you, God
From you and this
I'll never stray
'Til the end of my life
From this very day