I never thought my body would act without me

I'm not thinking of

The new work I'm not competent in yet
The test I need to pass today to get to
The next test
And the next
Every week
For a year
To the final test
Which determines if I'll be middle or lower class
For the rest of my life

I'm not thinking of
My roommate's problems
My boyfriend's problems
My parent's problems
(Which are as variant and serious as my own)

I'm only singing along with the radio
But my body knows
My body is thinking and worrying and working on overdrive
It holds my breath, it protects my vitals, it drops my blood pressure
My face tingles with the blood that leaves it,
My ears ring and my vision turns b l o t c h y
And I feel fuzzy and clammy, dizzy and heavy
I'm going to pass out

But I have to get to work!
Or class!
Or home!
Otherwise I will fail
At work
At school
At my career
At home

I'm holding on, I'm pushing through
But my body is stressing, and being
Hypotensive

Can a disease be a pet peeve?
This one can.
It has taken over my family and torn them apart.
It has grown inside of people I love,
Tormenting, restraining, and suppressing them.
It adds a higher level of suffering,
So that my bad days are comparatively fine.
My sufferings don't count
Their sufferings count too much, making them
Dangerous
I worry about the things they will do or say
I worry about their safety
I worry that they'll always feel this way
I can never escape this disease inside of people around me
I will forever have to be the strong one
The one holding it together, so they can fall apart
What happens, if I fall apart?
I feel alone, and afraid
All because of some stupid disease.

Stay
Hold me in your arms
Distract me with your charms
Keep the world at bay
Go
Take away my light
Leave me in the night
Quiet, and alone

It doesn't really matter, if you stay, or if you go
The world, it just moves faster, or it starts, to move slow
And I'm tired of it all revolving around you
Guess I'm craving something different and new

Go to School
Learn what you don't know
Try your best to grow
To make that money, babe
Go to Work
I've got to get a job
Relying on someone to pay the bills
Can be a drag

And I'm tired of it all leading to nothing
When every step forward is two steps back, you know
I just want something fun and worthwhile to do
Or at least a good distraction, like you

Change
Make my world brand new
Show me what to do
To make it get better
Make
Make me beautiful
Successful and well-loved
Charming and clever
Wait
Just give me some time
To breathe, to free my mind
Hold my hand once in a while
Give
Let just one thing go right
Take away my fright
Make it get better

Stay
Go
School
Work
Change
Make it get better
Because I'm one step closer to dying here
And one step further from caring
Please, make it get better