I am feeling inspired
By everything
My fingers are itching to write...
To blurt words from my fingertips
Nagging to scratch paper
With my sighing pencil...

However, I am longing for my muse

I feel it inside me
Inspiration...
Lightly bubbling
Begging to burst
Yet staying a light
Tingling
Nothing major...
Just a slight something.

Yet, I feel uninspired
I'm not sure how to make sense of if
I feel as if I am in the darkness
Trapped by my heartache
They say that heartache creates the best ink, it scribbles and scratches and begs to be let out of one's heart
It wants to tell its story
It longs for them to hear
About your sweet misery...

But, today, I am feeling uninspired
My muse has disappeared
Because my muse was you...

And maybe I need to find a new inspiration...
A new muse
A new piece of art
To wonder at
And disect my claws into.

But for now
I will feel inspired by everything,
Yet, also Uninspired...

I'm sick of being sad
I hate it
I hate that you wrenched my heart out
And you don't even give a ****
I hate that I trusted you
I hate that I let you hurt me
I hate that you've mutilated my heart
I am sick of being sad

10 minutes.
I give myself 10 minutes to be sad
To dwell in this
Nostalgic pain
In my despicable melancholy

I have decided to fake it
To throw away this heavy heart
And
To guard my heart in a
secret place
A secret sanctuary
That will wait for a secret symphony
Where no one else can find it
I will speak of love and sweet days
But, I will not give my heart away so easily again
I refuse
I rebuke it

But I will keep this heart safe...
In My
Clean
Pure
Sanctuary
That you blackened...
I am cleaning it
Purifying it of your words
Of all your lies
And I am shaking
For I am cold
From this pain
And your icy, menacing words
Piercing me still...

No! I will cleanse myself
I will dive into a lake
And hold my breath
For as long as I can
To purify my heart

And I choose not to be sad
Because I am sick of being sad
I am sick of this lament song
I keep humming
Quieten down!

You have 19 seconds left
Of being sad
Because you are sick of being sad
You will purify your heart
You will no longer sing your lament song.

10 seconds, my darling
9
8
7
6
5
4
3
2
1

I am sick of being...
Sad?
I will put on my facade
And no one will know
Of my ten minutes
Because I am sick
Of being
Anything but
My happy facade.

I
wish
he knew
how
much
his words
still
hurt.

Today I am hurting
I am hurting inside
With a pain I cannot bear.
And I am tired.
I am so tired
Of missing you
Of holding those sweet memories close to my heart
Because you have hurt me so
And I hate that I have
This desire
To cry.
To shed tears
For no apparent reason
Just because of this aching
Inside my heart
From a place where you used to dwell in me
From this place I made perfect just for you
How I miss
My eyes that smiled
Just from hearing your steady, unwavering voice
And I know, I was wrong...
I was wrong to put you on such a high pedestal
I heard the voice in the back of my head
Pleading me not to give you such reverence
Giving you a secret place in my heart
That belonged to Another
So much more worthy
I know I wasn't supposed to
Hold so much respect for you
And so much
Love?
Could one even call it love?

I know now that I was wrong.

But today,
Today
My heart is aching
I am forlorn
I am empty
Without you
Because the me that I saw in you is still the me I long to be
I miss her smiling eyes
And charisma
And change of thoughts because of you
I ache
I yearn
And today I am hurting
Because I miss you.

I lay my heart before your feet
So trusting
Unwary
Not a single fear
I gave you my dreams
I gave you all I had to give
I gave you all of me
I gave you the option to either tread
Or leave me be
And love every gritty part of me
and treat me with care...

But, you cast away
All trust I had in you
You betrayed me
And you tread on my dreams,
Not softly
But with force and
Intent
To hurt
Me
Such an innocent being.

Oh, "tread softly because you tread on my dreams"
But you decided not to
You decided to
Tread
On my dreams.

Out of the ashes, she will rise shouting her name.

It's 3 am
The air is dark
And I can see the outline of the desk in front of me
It's pitch black around me
And all that crosses my mind are those swirling brown eyes.

I'm worried about you
I don't know why
My phone is off
The power's out and there is no way I can hear your unwavering voice

My mind drifts to the music of your vocal chords
The passionate sound you make as they vibrate
Your voice
The comfort of my heart
My sanity.
I remember how I could listen to you for hours
And you could say absolutely anything. And I'd be absolutely besotted with your voice
You see, you speak with so much passion. No matter what you speak about

I love how you believe in passion.
You believe in it with all your heart

But, I haven't spoken to you in a while now
I miss you. I really do
And I've put my heart on the line
I've given you the power to crush it
To either burn it.
Or pull me out of the ashes I'm breathing in

I've been hurt
I've been burnt
I've been crushed

And I give you my heart, dear
Take it
And run

This is my lament song for you, dear
My sad little song
I will give you a blunt knife with my beating heart
You can either sharpen that knife and allow the blood to spill from its quivering death
Or
And perhaps you will think dumbly of me for having so much hope
Cherish this filthy, gullible heart
And sharpen that knife,
Yes, sharpen it
Carve into my wounds
Dissect my heart
See every cut and scrape
Carve into my wounds
Make it yours
Make it your artwork, dear
Make her into Your Warrior

I've given you so much power
And I believe that it will be the ***** in my armor
this carved beauty
Either she will crack
Or she will be reformed
Into His Work of Art

It is three in the morning
And I intend to sleep
So sweet dreams, my love
And allow this heart to beat.

He's left me crawling on the ground
He's betrayed me now
Left me ****
Standing with my emotions bare
Mascara running down my eyes
How beautiful are these cries
Gasping
Pleading
Begging
For the boy to come back
For the innocent boy
I met
On that rainy day.

I miss the you I met on a rainy day.

I want to thank you
For allowing my eyes
To look into yours
I want to thank you
For spewing out words
Of intellectual understanding
Of passionate phrases and
Allowing me to glance at a page
In your novel
I want to thank you
For taking this half-fledged thing
And subtly teaching her
I want to thank you
For taking her heart
With a grip so tight
Dissecting it
Pulling this pulsating heart apart
Tearing it
Mutilating it
Yet, in a way,
Fixing it.
Your mutilation carving such beauty into her again
I want to thank you
For giving her life again
For allowing her heart to beat steadily again
For inspiring this half-fledged thing
To fly again

You see, I want to thank you
For the pain you've caused,
Yet also for the life you've put inside of me
She's hated you
She's absolutely despised you
Yet, I want to thank you
For fixing my morbid heart.

I told my father once
that I was afraid of storms,
that they gave me a fright
But then he told me something
That changed my mind
He said storms reminded him
That the earth
Was alive.

Candle, candle
Burning bright
Rain, rain
Give me a fright
I see you, candle
Dancing in the wind
Competing with the rain
Competing with the wind
I see you twirling around, my dear
I hear the blinds bashing against the window
I hear you beating on the roof
Rain, rain
Roaring
Singing in the night
Someone come save me
On this stormy night...
Candle, candle
Burning bright.

His poetry makes me numb, gasping for breath, tears streaming and heart bleeding on the floor...

I've never felt
So much pain
For one person
A person who is so on fire for life, So passionate
Yet with sorrow laced between
He is enigmatic
He is a mystery to me
So complex
A trail winding and twisting
And
Changing
Always altering his mood
The way he feels about you
However, I find this enigmatic boy quite the romantic
A solid soul searching for love
Searching for someone out there
On this meandering pathway
Although he searches for his rose
He finds thorns in his travels
And he loves them
Even though they weaken his strength to carry on walking
To search for her
He wanders, you see
He glances from side to side
Searching for answers
So passionate in finding them
So inspired
Yet so cruel
So cruel
To those who seek his heart
And want to mend it
So vile and wicked
Yet, so loving...
He wanders down the narrow path
Searching
Walking past his rose
Hurting her
And discarding her
To the hounds
And he finds those meandering pathways
Filled with thorns
That pluck away his innocence
Leaving him bleeding
Bleeding steps
He walks on
And leaves the blood rose
Behind.

You see, his poetry makes me weep
His poetry makes my heart bleed
As he leaves me on the floor
Defiled
And mortified
By his pain
That numbs my soul.

Wrench my heart out, why don't you?
It's yours.
In the palm of you hands
Break it.
I don't care
Tear its skin
I don't give a ****
Throw it in the dim
Light
I won't even get a fright
Not even a gasp from me

Oh, Gosh
It'll hurt like hell
It'll break me down
I'll never give it to another man, I whisper into the dark
With a tear stained face
Broken glass sits on the floor
From the shattered mirror
I tore down
From seeing me
Seeing this misery right before you
What do you think?
Am I weak?
Did I fall into your trap
Into this abyss of yours

I'm glad that I gave my heart to you
You sang it such a sweet
Heart melody
A lullaby
She fell for every word
Every single word
Uttered from those lips

So Wrench my heart out
It's yours to keep now
I'll never give it to anyone else
Keep it, dear
Live with my bittersweet misery
I am at peace.

I want to laugh at the things that made me cry...
someday,
with joy and zeal in my heart.
Reminiscing
Is quite an art
To construct oneself in such a way
As to find a chuckle
At your once broken heart.

I hear you Thunder
I hear you
I see you cracking in the sky
Lightning
Destroying the clouds
Screaming
I hear you shouting at me
To write
To do something, Liz
Release.
I hear you
I see you
Breaking the skies
Telling me to see this
Phenomenal Brokenness
And it is much greater than that
I feel
Oh, I watch the show
Outside my bedroom window
And I wonder how
Such disaster
Can bring such peace
To my empty, aching heart
I wonder how the pouring down of rain
Brings me such peace
Such serenity
How this storm
Makes me want to write
Something so real and passionate
Oh, God
I hear you, Thunder
I hear you screaming my name
Liz, get over your pain
Get the hell over it
Look at the beauty of
nature before your eyes
See your hand writing
See your heart on fire
Ignite
Feel yourself breathing again
Breathe in that inspiration, Love
"Breathe It In!" You Scream
Oh, Thunder
You Screaming Being
Screaming at me
To get over my reverie
Get out of my pit of turmoil
Remind me how to breathe

No
No
Do not quieten down, Storm,
my friend
Be
Rage
Scream
Be the anger I want to set free
Oh, God
I've never felt so free
This peace
No, no
This release
The storm
My dear friend
Releasing all that is
Inside of me

Oh, Thunder
I hear you
I hear you loud and clear
And Oh, Lightning
I see you, I breathe you in
My reminder that anger exists
Oh, Storm
Oh, Storm
Storm, my dear old friend
You, dear, help me conquer
The storm inside my melancholic soul
My deep anger within
You are my only friend.

I cried the day
When I met you
Because I couldn't believe God put you into my life
He put you into my life
When I was broken. When I had been beaten to a pulp
And burnt in the ashes
And God put you in my life
And you took me out
Oh, so elegantly, love
You twirled me around
And danced with me
You knew what melody to play my heart
You knew how to make her happy
And I cried
Because I had found sanity
I found inspiration
I was passionate about life again
Because of you

And now
I cry
I cry into my pillow
Tears that are searching
Begging
Pleading
For an answer from God
Pleading for him to answer the question
As to why He'd put such a gem in my life
If he knew you'd break me
If he knew you'd take my heart
And throw it to the ground
Without a care
However I hold on
Because you were my hero
When I felt like nothing
When I felt as if
I could never make a difference in the world.
And now, God, I ask you
Why do I cry
Why am I gasping for air
Pleading
Why
Why did you put this in my life
If you knew it would end in strife
Why am I on the floor
Crying
Begging
God, oh, God
Tonight I will cry
For my heart is sore
And I don't know who will bring the sword
For this girl
For this pathetic girl
Who too easily
Gave her heart.

Christmas spirit, where have you disappeared to?
I remember as a child
Awaiting the day
With so much delight and excitement within my heart
The night before
Sneaking outside to leave a few carrots for the reindeer,
A special plate of biscuits left
Beside the Christmas tree
For dear Santa Clause
And making a bet
With my best friend
Protesting that Father Christmas was real
And that I'd stay up until 12
To see the red cloak
Come to sight
However,
To my dismay
I could not stay up so late
And so I awoke
Alas, not beside the Christmas tree
Where I fell asleep
In sweet reverie
No, in my bed
With a million
Dazzling thoughts
Running through my head

And then a thought
Today was Christmas
And Santa obviously would've come
And so I rushed
Rushed to my precious green tree
To find presents just for me
And I'd unwrap
Without a glance at the card
Seeing my mother's gaze
And her sweet smile
As I giggled at the gifts
Like a giddy clown

Excitement
Chatter
Joy and love
These are the perfect words
I remember
Of the Christmas
I once knew and loved

But, now the reverie has seemed to pass
Where's the Christmas spirit gone?
For now I am an adult
and I must behave like one
"You can't believe in such foolery anymore, young one"

Christmas used to be exciting
Something I'd look forward to all year
However, now I sit with the memory etched in mind
And I wonder
What on earth has become of the Christmas cheer?
For now I sit at family gatherings
Eat, drink and-
And
And
that's it.

I miss my childhood
Where I believed in everything
Myths were real
And the stars knew everything
They knew it all
I believed in the second star to the right
In magic and in flight

But for now I sit
And I ponder about
The long forgotten Christmas spirit.

The air is thin
And the light is dark.
But the warmth of this moment brightens the room
Transcending beauty this is

We sit
And we allow our minds to run over all that sits in our hearts and eats away at our souls

We sit
We drink the steamy cups of coffee
We allow our taste buds to grasp the flavour of the beans
However, as delight touches our taste buds
We converse
We listen
We see
We sit
Us three

Us three
We are souls that have been lost
We have eyes that tell tales
Tales that are not told in words, but hidden in the way that we watch
And note the world

Us three
I see her heart is on her sleeve
Her mighty, unwavering heart will not be stifled
She may not allow such passion to be withheld from the world
For she is made for His Glory.
She is made to drink from the fountain of youth with no fear
She is made to conquer
And stare down at their meek faces
As they watch her
In awe
In wonder
And in adoration

Us three
We prefer not to stifle that part of ourselves
That part that will be set free
That part that is bashing at the cage, begging, pleading
to be let out
To be
let out into the night
To go into enigmatically

I am nostalgic
For my former self
The girl who never allowed herself to focus on the dark, the girl who believed in flying
The girl who now never believes she will be taken out from captivity
From this dark pit
Oblivion,  
I believe I am there

She interrupts me and puts down the cold caffeine


Us three
She says that I cannot make more mistakes in my life than she has
She tells me that God has a plan, and the pain will soon end
She says that my Destiny will soon unravel from the tight coil
She says that His plan is delicately detailed and outlined in solid black
Like a work of art...

However, the dragon tends to blow his fire at the edges of the delicate page
No matter how small the burn, it makes a change
To the plan
What remains,
Is the art

No matter how much he taints it, my dear, it will still be a work of art
Your Destiny will be fulfilled.
Your heart will be set free

I weep.
I shake.
I gasp for air.
And I always believe in the moments of
Us three.

Two broken hearts
We sit
We stare through
The broken windows
In these bleeding hearts
We sing
With great urgency
With hurt in our eyes
With aching
I look to her
And know that her heart
Seems
As if it will never be repaired
But, my darling, it will
I promise
But for now,
As we sit in our melancholy
My heart is torn
My beating has shifted
And struck
Something
My heart is broken for you, dear
And it yearns to fix yours
But,
We will sit in this
In this hurt
With our two broken hearts..
Just for a bit

I feel as if my soul has been awakened from its long slumber in that dark and desolate evening. I feel as if my eyes have been opened from their sleep of a dull, grey and morbid life that has now been torn from the page and replaced by something new and white. Something white that is an empty canvas, but this canvas will not be grey again. This canvas will shine in that once dark night that will now turn a bright and burning white, blinding actually. This canvas will be filled with paint that tells the story of a new song, a new life and that new breathe of the living me.
This canvas is myself and I will not allow myself to be subdued nor burdened by this dull world who believes in moving, moving, moving, but never actually getting anywhere... I've decided that I will believe in magic again. I will not allow myself to dwell in suffering, for today is a new day and this is a new song that will not allow its rhythm to stop. It will not allow its heart to stop beating. This heart will never stop, this canvas will never be striked by the hand of evil because this canvas will be a bright and burning white, a blinding white.