Memories of orange afternoon sun
Burning gold rays into mist
Such a sight of beauty beheld
Guns and bombs are hardly missed

There is such a gas that burns the lungs
My ears heard months before
But my body believed not in such hate
Before the burns of war

The roar of engines soared from above
A cry of warning before the storm
I had hardly a moment to breathe
The walls of my trench move, deform

Never before has my imagination torn
The edges of evils like these
And never before could I imagine death
Be carried on such a breeze

The moment I saw the hazy air
I jumped to my feet in shock
And out I surged from my home of mud
Choking, I could not walk

A man knows not panic
Until he cannot breathe
As a man cannot know war
Until bullets he lays underneath

To this day I remain unsure
If it was tears of poison or pain I wept
But I laid and watched my men retreat
In the moments before I slept

Memories of orange afternoon sun
Burning gold rays into mist
Such a sight of beauty beheld
Guns and bombs are hardly missed

A man is a Good Man
Because he has himself some rules
Rules to follow
Rules to watch
He has so many rules

I have rules for myself
Rules for love and war
I keep them close
I keep them safe
Locked behind a door

But now of recent
I have my worries
For I watch them
But ignore them
And forget them in a hurry

I have my fear
I am a Good Man no more
For I have broken
And long forgotten
My rules of love and war

Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday
To Me
One Year Older
Another Day Colder
Happy Birthday
To Me

Your life is a journey
To be taken step-by-step
A book to be written,
A memory to be left

Remember where you've gone,
Where your feet have taken you
The soft fields your soles traveled
And on rocks without shoes

Think of the storms
And the days full of song
Think of all the faces
The hearts and the arms

But do not turn around
To see where you have been
To see the horrors of days gone by
And the sadness that dwells within

Do not think of hours of darkness
For they were years ago
You passed them by miles on back,
They matter not to you anymore

Instead, take a look around
See the ground where you stand
It's good and solid and reliable
Unlike quick-moving sand

It's good to take pleasure
In how far you've gone
And recognize the person
Whom you have become

But do not ponder much too long
On the present and material things
For in the trees, just up ahead,
There a sweet bird sings

He sings for you so that you know
There is more than this to come
More than money, ***, and drugs,
Or a shiny car and gun

There is something grande, something new,
Just around the bend
But you may have to fight a war
And your castle you must defend

But do not worry, you'll make it through
The hero always survives
He must to keep the story going,
And yours is one that thrives

This may not be a fairy tale,
With a princess in a tower
It may be a tragic comedy
With a ****** war among flowers

But do not worry about the genre,
And of the ending, don't fear,
For the next chapter is not yet written,
The finale is nowhere near

You'll make it to the end
And such an ending it will be,
The series good and long,
You'll have to wait and see


Just travel your journey,
Take it step-by-step
Write in your own chapters
Make them a memory to be left

Have I ever told you
There's a little boy inside of me
He lives in my heart
But I wish not to see

He grabs my hand
For something to hold
But I let it go,
For I am too old

He cries at night
Because he is scared
But I won't do a thing,
I never would dare

He tries to tell me
Attempts to mention
But I am careful
Not to give him attention



But I can't help but stare
When I see my face
It used to be young
Now a man took its place

I have to be that man,
Strong and brave
To this boy in me
I can't fall a slave

So I ignore myself
Who is locked in my heart
And I pretend I'm a man,
I must play my part

But if you listen to my heart
And watch my eyes
You'll see just a boy
In a suit tying ties

Ambien is a drug
A pill which makes you sleep
And all I can say
Is that it's very reassuring
That I will sleep tonight
Even if it means
That I cannot dream
Because who needs night dreams
When you have day thoughts
Like mine

What if angels walked on clouds
They skipped and hopped and
Laughed out loud



What if those angels sang us songs
Whispers of wind and
Rhymes of wrongs

What if those angels looked above
And saw not clouds
Buts mountains and doves

What if those angels fell to the ground
Lost their wings and
In humanity drowned

What if those angels walk with you now
Holding your heart and
Your hand with a vow

What if those angels never did know
Of the hurt and the troubles
In the oceans below

What if those angels forgot to look
For you're slowly dying
Immersed in a book

What if those angels no longer care
For they no longer watch
You bleed and swear



What if angels walked on clouds
They sit and think
Their thoughts too loud

My chest is a cage
Constricting
Concealing
Holding back
And keeping away
A place where I hide
From my deepest of fears
But this prison
Is where my fears are held
Tucked away
In a
Not-so-safe hiding place
Because it is all too easy
For me to reach inside
And ponder them
Until they
Grow
Expand
Metastasize
To the point where they consume
My chest
My shoulders
My arms
My fingers
Through my legs
Into my toes
Until these fears finally fall
Down
Down
Down
Into the pit of my stomach
Where they stay
Until in the dark of the morning
When I can finally throw them out
Through way of mouth
In fits of
Coughs
and
Words
Of the unflowered kind
Because what I am spitting out
Is of the unflowered kind
And yet there are survivors
Who dangle
And play
Amongst my heartstrings
And the air in my chest
Until another
Bad Day
When they can consume my head
And constrict my chest
With the overbearing weight
Of
Everything

I miss you old friend
Where have you gone?
The sun has come out
And brought the breeze with it along
I giggle in my yellow dress
The bugs tickle on my skin
It's time to play outside
With our trees and river again
We can go sit on the steps
Or play pirates on the swing
Pick flowers in the garden
At least the flowers left by spring
And if it starts to rain
I will laugh at your wet hair
You'll laugh at the mud on my face
And I'll laugh too, I just don't care
Because we are best friends
Who play with the sun
And at night we talk to the moon
With him we become one
But now summer begins
And I turn with a frown
Because your tan fingers
Are nowhere to be found
And I can't help but wonder
As the chrysanthemums yawn
Where my freckled summer friend
Could possibly have gone

Whisper me your secrets
And I'll whisper you mine
Tell me of your stories
And I'll tell you of my lies

My lies are  not deadly
Just a sheath on the blade
But the sheath of my lies
Is a deep scarlet's shade

The butterflies dance in my thoughts
Braiding my mysteries along
With the frost in the air
Hoping that you might be just fine

I cannot sleep
It's 1 a.m.
So I'll just weep
'Till it's morning again

I am so desperate for change
That sometimes
I catch my unsatisfied fingers
Playing in my pockets
In hope to find something
Something
And scraping the limits of the fabric
Only to find
Crumpled receipts
And old pieces of lint

I once checked out
Of the loony bin
But now here I go
Checking back in

I touch this skin so pale,
Afraid that it will shatter
But if it broke into a thousand shards,
Then I ask, to whom does it matter?

The glass that lay upon the floor
Covered in blood of mine
Only tells of days gone by,
A single life suspended in time

For no on touches broken glass
In fear of hurt and pain
"Be sure not to touch that blood," They say,
"It leaves a nasty stain"

But those few who saw this shower of pain
Quickly come and see
Through the wreckage of many tears
If I could still be me

So they put me back together again,
Like a Humpty-Dumpty that fell
Hoping the pieces still fit together
And I'll turn out just swell


Together once more, but not for long,
Everyone sighs relief
They go back to their days of nothing
As I silently drown in grief

They smile at me as though I was there,
They see but a pile of glass
My rims too sharp to love and embrace
I'm sure this glue won't last


But now I look to your wisdom,
With my eyes a little teary
Hoping you'll see I'm more
Than just run-down and weary


Oh, friend, why can't they see?
This mirror is only a reflection of me?

10 Years of Discretion
9 Months of Persecution
8 Semesters of Imitation
7 Weeks of Affliction
6 Days of Temptation
5 Hours of drug Consumption
4 Minutes of thought Malfunction
3 Moments of Desperation
2 Seconds until Eradication
1 Life of Lacrimation

You were there
In the cold of afternoon
And you were there
When I dozed off too soon
You were in my dream
Of parties and smoke
You were in my dream
And in it you spoke
You told how you'd been
And you stood a little close
A felt your lips on mine
As you slowly spoke
And I wanted to kiss
But listened instead
As you whispered and joked
About crazy in the head
For I knew you before
When you smiled quite sane
But then, I knew you before
You ever spoke with disdain
But then I got mad
As I slowly realized
That all the boys I have loved
Don't carry real eyes
For their eyes were all fake
With a bright shine of star
That hid their sad madness
Unless you looked from afar
And as I awoke
I knew the truth to be
All the "sane" boys I've loved
Are all crazies in my dreams

My grandfather once told me,
"Son, forget about dreams
They're childish and stupid
And not meant to be."

"Listen to him son,
He knows what he says"
My father would tell me
As I stared at my hands

So I grew to be a man,
Without dreams I could cope
But I never once knew
The sweet taste of hope

Good morning Elizabeth,
Elizabeth two
Hello, hello
How do you do
Elizabeth Ann
You've grown quite tall
You used to be
Oh, so so small
Just a name
Upon a screen
Just a poem
Rarely seen
But now you're a girl
With a lovely name
With pain in your chest
But love just the same
You're a girl with words
That speak of life
A girl with words
Sharp as a knife
Elizabeth Ann,
Elizabeth two
You used to be me
But now you're a you

"Your eyes look empty"
I thought to myself

I know the look well
I've worn it myself

Empty Hallways
Empty Doors
Empty Desks
Empty Floors
Empty Chairs
Empty Books
Empty Words
Empty Looks
Empty Teachers
Empty Kids
All This Empty
I Will Miss

There is a fire in me
It burns in my soul
It gives me passion and energy
And a drive to go
Inside of my lungs
It crackles and burns
It ignites my mind
As my stomach turns and turns
It heats up my head
So I cry out hot tears
To cool down I breath in
But I breath out my fears
It is growing, I feel it
It spreads through my chest
It laughs and dances
Wishing never to rest
So I'll drink some iced water
And lie down for a while
In the case that my fire
Might burn love for miles

Sometimes tears are beautiful
As they wave hello
To a smile
As they trickle down
Your cheeks

But sometimes tears are ugly
As they sneer
At the blood
That trickles down
Your arms

This heart's as fragile as they come,
Scarred and bruised so easy
It holds feelings that push against walls,
And pain that makes me queasy

It tells a story never to be heard,
It's seen sights that should never be seen
I cut it, choke it, place it in the dark,
I find it a wonder why it never becomes mean

Hello hello
A brand new friend
How do you do
My brand new friend
I like your hair
Pretty and long
You call me Pig
We now belong
Together us two
We're peas in a pod
Hand in hand
Our smiles quite odd

Hello hello
My best friend
How do you do
My best friend
Tell me your troubles
We've been friends long enough
Hand be your burdens
When things get tough
I'm that friend
With a gentle smile
Who will walk with you
For thousands of miles

Hello hello
My closest friend
How do you do
My closest friend
Your weight is heavy
And so is mine
We pull some harder
Then break our lines
I know less and less
Of your life's great war
Suddenly we're strangers
Again once more

Hello hello
My faraway friend
How do you do
My faraway friend
You've gone far away
And left me behind
No traces of you
You've left me to find
My heart, it aches
But I must pretend
That when I think of you
You're still my friend

Lay out a quilt
Spread it with love
Then lay down beside me
To ponder the mysteries above

The stars in the sky
The dreams that don't quit
The fantasies that fly
The worlds that split

We watch an infinity
Unravel from the ground
As we fill our minds
And our hearts with sound

We whisper our knowledge
Of those stars way out there
And when we run out of knowledge
We don't seem to care

We start making things up
Stories from sleepy heads
As we drown in this abyss
Of thoughts never said

And we reach out with our fingers
With a desire to tickle
The stars falling around us
Leaving a tingle and prickle

As we watch the adventures
Swim in the galaxies above
We somehow miss
The adventure of love

For there is so much adventure
And many places so new
Locked away in our hearts
If only we knew

And I looked at you
Desiring those stars
Completely unaware
Of the galaxy in my heart

Goodnight I say
Goodnight, Goodnight
Goodnight I whisper
As I turn off the light
Goodnight to the moon,
The stars, the sun
Goodnight to my family
And that special someone
Goodnight to the books
That cover the shelves
Goodnight to the lovers
Who hate themselves
Goodnight to the people,
The friends of my past,
Goodnight to the present
And the future at last
Goodnight to the children
Who sleep one last time
And goodnight to the parents
Who whisper them rhymes
Goodnight to this world
And the people within
And I whisper goodnight
As I sleep with its sin

I'm growing growing up and down
Arms going up up the wall
And feet going
Down
Down
Down into the ground
Below my toes
Which have popped out of
My old Chuck Taylors
And burrowed into the brown dirt
And spread themselves to the ocean
Where my soul can be free and I can dance
And sing with all the wrong notes without a care
Because I will be higher than the clouds way way up in the sky
Kissing Jupiter
And laughing laughing on my long fall
Back to Earth
Where I will burrow myself
Into your eyes
Which I have left a little more than teary
And make you laugh in that way
That you HATE HATE HATE
But I love love
And I will bring you with me the next time
That I decide to grow and grow
Because I am sorry that I left you behind
As I grew
Because I left you behind
While you shrunk
So so small
And
D
     i
s
     a
p
     p
e
     a
r
     e
d

Forever
Beneath me

I wake up in the morning,
Smile at the sky
Run around with smiles,
Never tell a lie

I stand to hug the day,
A very happy child
Run, dance, sing, be glad,
My love could stretch a mile

Talk, talk, talk,
All day long
Never thought or worried
If I ever quite belonged

But then I began to grow,
I grew to be so tall
And that's when it began,
My worries weren't so small

I started to wake up
From my very happy dream
Where every princess had an ending
But what did "happy" mean

I was told to grow up strong,
Beautiful and smart
But instead I like those T-shirts,
Video games and art

I've been told to go so far,
Find places and things so new
But over the years of hopes and fears,
I've learned a thing or two

Your whole future is laid out in front,
Your wishes, hopes, and dreams
So don't become who you aren't,
That's what this poem means

Listen, dear, to my heart beat strong
Listen, dear, to my heart's broken song

It beat hard and fast
For love that would last
Until you broke it in two

Now it mumbles
On the floor where it crumbled
Drowned in memories of you

Now I sit and sew
Because now I know
There is more to life than this

More love to see
Another man for me
You will no longer be missed

Listen, dear, to my heart beat strong
Listen, dear, to my heart's lasting song

A butterfly
The ballerina danced
Amidst the forest of people
Who swayed back and forth
In laughter and awe
As she flapped her wings
And flew towards the sky
For she had her heart set
On the moon
She flew so far
She no longer heard
The praises of her success
Forever lost
In the echoes of trees

Hello Mr. Stranger
I think I'm in love...

With that smile
Those freckles
That look in your eyes
You're happy
You're cute
And you look good in ties
You're a faraway stranger
We've never talked once
But when you walk by
My heart skips a bounce
My cheeks turn to blush
When I think of your name
I know you not at all
But like you just the same...

Oh, Mr. Stranger,
I swear I'm no liar
It's only your voice
And your hand I desire

There once was a child, lonely and scared
Who knew not how to talk, so his sharp teeth he bared
He played by himself, alone by the fence
He day-dreamed in class, not much made sense
He would punish himself for being this way
He wanted to die, he wished not to stay

There once was a boy, outcast and alone
He didn't say much, mostly just groan
He wouldn't look into those judgmental eyes
He just slept in class, passing time with sighs
He would punish his wrists for being this way
He wanted to die, he wished not to stay

There once was a man, who knew not a friend
He never spoke kind in letters he'd send
He worked by himself, alone by the wall
He sat there and stared waiting for calls
He would punish his liver for being this way
He wanted to die, he wished not to stay

There once was a man, old and grey
He never said a word, he had nothing to say
So he sat in a chair, away from the fire
He did nothing at all, his eyes too tired
He would punish his mind for being this way
He wanted to die, he wished not to stay

So on a night that he laid in bed
He passed away, not a tear was shed

A flower so pretty stands so tall
It grows and grows arms up the wall

A rock so hard, no windows, no door
A perfect home for one -- no more

A tender snail, so calm, so slow
Knows much too much than a snail should know

A ***** quilt upon a bed
warms and calms who lays his head

A single tear from a cloud above
Who has not been shown enough sweet love

A tree in the woods, hidden away
Grows alone in a crowd, the wind it obeys

An old man in a chair in a big, empty house
Remembers, in silence, his long gone spouse


A flower whose arms strangle a rock,
A small knowing snail who forgets you not,
A quilt wet with tears dreams of stars and sun,
A tree with a dream to sing and run,

All of these things, I am like them all
Even the man who seems very small

I am a wall
Tall and sleek
Covered in layers of paint
What you do not know
Is what's underneath
This white isn't such a saint
I'm rotting and bruised
With holes and nails
And insects that crawl between
My old colors are faded
Now old shells
Never again to be seen
I've had paper with flowers
Cover me up
From window to floor to hell
Paper with bunnies
And plates with cups
A mask that always fell
But now I'm white
Sincere as can be
Unnoticed and watching you all
And I know you don't look
Because, well it's just me
I'm nothing but "that **wall"

I wanna be tall and cool
I don't want to be Mamma's Fool
I want to run around all day
I just wanna go away
I want to drink and party late
I want to be that guy you hate
I want my knuckles bruised and sore
I don't wanna think no more

You were lost
In darkness and drugs
When we became friends
And you learned I don't judge
Now you call me your angel
A light in the dark
Because while we were friends
I rescued your heart

But that was just a coincidence

When you and I grew apart
Friend of fourteen years
We still were friends
But we knew not our fears
But when I got myself in trouble
With boys and love and kissing
You told me to slow down
Because there was a lot I was missing
Our friendship had dissolved
And almost gone away
And I was attempting to fill your space
But now you meet me halfway

But that was just a coincidence

I was sitting on my bed
Entranced in my book
When I picked up my phone
And gave it a look
So I texted you up
To make sure you were okay
But you said you were cutting
And wanted to die where you lay
I came over that night
To lay by your side
"Please don't be alone"
I wanted to cry

But that was just a coincidence

Except,
I don't believe in coincidences anymore

You wanted me
But now you have her
I'm only concerned
Because you flirt
With every girl

I broke your heart
Three times before
But if you break hers
Or take her innocence
You'll be dead by four

So *******.

Innocence isn't just a
Thought
Theory
Feeling
State of Mind
Age
Lack of Knowledge
Purity
Cleanliness
Innocence is more
So much more
Than I ever believed it was
Or could be

I grew up
Maybe a little too fast
And all at once
And where I once was
Innocent
Innocent
Innocent
My mind grew
And expanded
And now I know
Of many many things
I wish I didn't
And no longer am I
Innocent
Innocent
Innocent
But I lack the
Thought
Theory
Feeling
State of Mind
Age
Lack of Knowledge
Purity
Cleanliness
Of
Innocence
That I yearn to have once again
But will never have again
Because once Innocence is lost
It cannot be found
Ever
Again
And you are forced
To sit
And see
And observe
The innocence around you
And mourn over
Your very own
Innocence
Which
Is
Long long
Gone.

Weak before,
I stood naked, shaking
Before you
But now I say NO

NO
To your lies

NO
To their eyes

NO
To the people
Who say the bullet should fly

NO
To hate

NO
To my weight

NO
To the anger
Which lies behind this gate

NO
To the dread

NO
I'm not mislead

NO
To the voices
Inside of my head

Because I am tired
Of your ****
And being told
Just how to be
And so I shout NO
With my fist in the air
Because no longer,
I just don't care
Because I'm going to be me now
And I'll leave you all just standing
Alone with your
Thoughts in your
Hands
Unbelieving