we fall in love
by unbuttoning jeans
and complaining of belts
being too tight
you never kiss
just watch
and later on you leave
without the goodbye
i was hoping for.
night after night
this becomes our routine
and i realize
i am tired
tired of the cold slapping me
while walking to your house
tired of being quiet
instead of outrageous
tired of conforming to this boring
act
you know nothing about me
except for the way your hands
fit around my tiny waist
and that i love your eyes
but you never look at me
like that
but i found her
she looked at me like that
and she touched me like that
and she kissed me like that
we havent spoken in so long
she is absent
from my grip
and her laugh haunts me
im growing and moving
on without the both of you
but i think this is what it is like
to be free
and to make the choices best for me

I have seen nothing
and I am even less
I have been here my whole life
Redundancy has a comfort to it
sometimes

But I have dreams
about climbing redwood forests
higher than any skyscraper
that have faces etched into their trunks
and dreams
of mushroom houses with neon skies
and being kidnapped by wolves and we howl and howl
Sometimes I even have lucid dreams of flying
walking through walls
and time travel
I have dreams of being a hero and saving the world
and there's a recurring one about falling in love with
a man I do not even recognize yet

So hopefully you can excuse me
for not always being ecstatic
when I wake up in the mornings
and find myself in a human bed

i unzipped my ribcage
did you enjoy sloshing through everything i am?
waist deep in a current likely to **** you under
do not come under
i am nauseous of the rhythm from these same waves
they pull me in and fill my lungs
when i cough i swallow more
i am succumbing to
less of who
i thought
i was

synapses firing
sleep, so smooth, is lost

carpet stained, walls talk
voices cleave, claw, claim

a love has been found

infer: ephemeral, impermanent
believe: indelible, predestined

bruised knuckles knock, knock, knock
and one rock, rock, rocks
back and forth

"the moon," he calls her
the moon; he claims her

a world lies between

The sea is deep but he can swim.

I look at you like a moon gazing down on the world, with
Love, her rays a lunar kiss on all of us, and
You bathing in her gift, as I shower my gaze on yours.

This is exorcism.

I walk from home to school from work back home and my eyes stopped changing shades.

All kinds of demons try to get out of me as I stare to nothing in particular and it scares me.

I would fight or run if only I had the energy. Or the courage. Or the fear.

My eyes used to change shades.