It's weird to think that all people look up and see the same sun.
We billions of human beings are connected in the simplest of ways.
It also reminds me of how small I am.
I may know hundreds of names,
maybe a thousand.
Even with those thousand names, I consider myself personally connected with maybe 100.
Only 100 names.
And yet every morning,
Whenever morning may be for any name on the planet.
We all look at the same star.
To even think about how many names I share this star with...
Remarkable.

you, my love, are both.
both the warrior and the healer.
both the scholar and the giggles.
both the smile and the voice.
both the dreamer and the work.
both the sister and the friend.

you, my dear, are and.
sweet and fire and
daring and soft and poems
and rain and lightning and
sunshine and brave
and shy and quiet and
booming and stubborn
and red and lively and
blue and burning.

you, my sister, are not everything.
but anything.

when the day comes where their smile
becomes more of a prayer than a greeting,

don't panic.

you don't have to kiss them or **** yourself,
you can just watch them smile for two years.

you will stop going to church.
It will no longer feel like where
you hold your faith.

don't panic.

you don't have to choose between heaven
and and hell, you can just watch
them smile for two whole years.

don't ever tell me that you
were never mine.

when for months on end
when you couldn't sleep
you texted me at 3:00 a.m.

i would stay awake for
you and talk you down
from whatever hell was
occurring in your mind.

some nights you wouldn't
text me. and I would
stay up anyway,

writing obituaries all
night long.

i didn't realize how much i needed you,

until i could no longer see you,

and you no longer looked up as you passed me.

and i am trying to understand,

i am trying to understand.

but it feels like a punch in the stomach

every time i think about

how you used to instinctively

grab my hand when you laughed.