we lay together,
surrounded in silence,
an uncomfortable gloom.

i lose the battle,
"flesh on flesh...
wounds bleed fresh."

alone with you beside me,
"every inch of my tar black soul,"
a fake bled into a dry life.

A purr awakens me,
urges me to write,
words haunt me and
i can't get them out.

i'm stuck in this limbo
wishing i had something
a little stronger than
a bit of sweet iced tea.

"he loves me with every beat,"
of a straightedge heart
and i thought
we could be happy.

a slice of life,
a pit of sorrow,
a hell in my mind.

sleeping and worrying.
hoping that the world will just spill out?
that might be awhile.

i love you.



xoxo

the look in your eyes,
it haunts me at times,
and the time you lied.

oh, that kills me every time,
and how I saw you from then on,
you **** me every time.

your laughter echoes, reverberates.

the sound is hypnotic, dizzying,
the sound kills me every time.

the haunting eyes that shatter my soul,
and stalk my heart when I close my eyes.

the eyes of the only person,
who could hurt me as deep,
who could literally **** me,
inside and out, rip me apart.

you know who you are.
and you know what you caused,
because you’ve done it a million times,
it’s what you do, it’s what you’ve done,
it’s how you break our hearts.

it’s how the pain stays,
and how the light fades,
from our eyes as you say goodbye…
that last final time.

and we never want to see your face again,
because the act of perfidiousness,
stung so deep, and throughly,
we never forget.

we are sagacious, now.
your eyes tought us the lesson.

we will never trust in eyes,
what should be felt with hearts,
and we will be skeptical,
once again, of the truth.

you brought us pain, agony.
now, your eyes are forgotten,
and our eyes are open.

and we are healing.
we are seeing with new eyes,
the world of possibility.

and we are awaiting the chance,
to live life again, as ourselves.

we are ready to let the walls down.
we are ready to survive,
we are ready to love again.

but, we do it cautiously,
because when we hear a line,
we see your eyes in our mind,
and we remember the time you said the same.

we laugh and say no thanks,
because your eyes are in our mind.

goodbye to the tear stained memories.
now they can be archived as
lessons that we learned.

and we can look into the eyes of our true love one day.
and we will see,
that you lead us here.

now.
goodbyes, can be healthy.


xoxo

hiding behind the words
on a white screen
is a person

a person who has always
died
on the inside

she has died on the outside
too

for those she loved
and those who didn't
really ever deserve it

she always hid from the truth
and threw her wall up
when times got hard

'just another brick in the wall'
she tells herself
as an excuse


xoxo

she fancies herself a princess
but her prince is running a tad late
no white rabbit to keep him on track

she sits in her tower and waits
for the prince shows up to rescue her.
but no one ever comes

her anticipation is desperate
her heart is shattering  
the story unfolds

she scrubs her arms
bleeding into the bathroom sink
are dark ink stains.

her lyrics scrawled across her arms
no better way to keep sanity
than to lose your mind

don’t need a pen and paper
to write my story down
just give me blood and tears

she whispers,
"i doubt he even knows my name"



xoxo

the rain storms down
the angry words fall out
and we all start to drown

fighting for our breath
and we can’t contain
what we feel anymore

to see through her eyes
would be more than a punishment
as we wade through the waves of life

depression bashes into me
and I fight this sea repeatedly
staying afloat in treacherous sin

Faking one more smile
pushing emotion aside
just long enough to forget

and never long enough
to not feel regret

i miss the warmth of you
beside me, breathing me in
i fight desperately for one more chance

to feel the way you
made me feel

the feeling was flying


falling crying dying life love floating elation


i can’t live anymore

I’m already dead.



xoxo

officially, the title resembles
the power that makes me tremble
love grows quickly

we hide together
in plain sight
my heart is mended

though i hurt you
i lied and we lie
together in bed

guilt tears at me
with sharp teeth
and glittering eyes

betrayal flaunts
its hold over me
it teases and ridicules

i haven't hurt you yet
and we both know
to our cores

you're hungry
for love
you fall


xoxo

I've lost a lot of things in my life:
My sanity left me long ago,
and innocence long since hit the road.
Motivation never sings,
and I never had much self- esteem.
Lost my mother, or so it seems.
She lost her way with club minglings.
Never so smart, she lost her brain,
and then home my mother never came.
She found her needle and lost the light.
I lost my childhood in less than a day,
and so I lost my self along the way.
I tried to rebel from her life in spite,
but all day long, she tried to drag me along,
though he ways were all so wrong.
A couple of times, I succumbed to the night,
came home late, and ran away.
Mother always found ways to make me want to stay.
I must have given dad quite the fright.
Though I was already long gone,
my mother sang her solo song.
To her side, I ran not.
Today, I'm stronger but I've lost myself.
Finding me was never easy in the start.
Searching in the dark, blindly finding my light.
My mommy and mother were never much sane,
but I miss my mommy all the same.
We grew up fast,
and we grew up hard.
I guess I should thank her for ruining my life,
because now I can stand up for what is right.

xoxo