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reading love poems
is like someone
slowly injecting me
with acidic poison
and screaming into my ear

"YOU'LL NEVER GET WHAT YOU WANT!"

feels disgusting
and weird
i feel jealousy
and fear
grabbing me by my neck
and shoving their sewage
garbage gutter love
in my face

why do i gotta look at it?
sorry to be rude
just the years of abuse speaking

i dont really like that its trending
I am scarred.
Can you see?

I am weeping.
Can you hear?

I am hurting
Can you feel it?

I am sorry
Can you forgive me?

I am not
okay
Can you tell?


I am
                   dying
Can you help me?

I am asking nicely
Please?
?
don't hold yourself that way
to keep this pain at bay
for as they always say
"its okay to not be okay"
just remember to hide it away
and make pretend, you'll play
then paint away the gray
hide in a hidden ashtray
just to make it through today
so remember, its okay to not be okay
that's what they always say
so long as it's not actually that way
people always say "its okay to not be okay"
but then people are genuinely not okay and suddenly there's just no support
like what?
i've lived in 5 different disticts
by the time I was 5
and in my experience
the best time to move is when you're 6 and under
because nobody cares who you are like the older kids do
"oh, she's hanging out with a BOY
she must have a crush on him"
when we were little
girls hanging out with boys
was just girls hanging out with boys
"ew, she likes crawling on all fours
like an animal
she's a ******* furry"
when we were little
doing that was just
playing pretend
"oh my god, do you see what she's wearing
SO extra"
when we were little
it was always
the bigger the better, right?
"no, you cant hang out with us
you don't even like the stuff we do"
when we were little
everyone was everyone's best friend
as long as they knew how to have fun

why did that change?
I miss being 6
Rose haze fractures,
a world refracted,
devils' spawn pacing the void—
no sleep, no dreams, just static.

Confessions carved on smoke trails,
the crackle-pop rhythm of lies,
a wasp nest humming
its venom song in the night.

Cigarette burns like stigmata,
photographs of shattered veins,
hearts breaking with the soft cadence
of storms past—
gentle, relentless violence.

Vultures spiral in a cruel ballet,
tension stretching taut
until the mind snaps,
a razor's edge
dancing with psychosis.

She barred the doors,
left the world screaming outside,
while hungover dawns and hollow eyes
etched her truth
on walls no one would ever see.

Samson strength,
cut cords,
no contact—
a prayer for peace,
a fortress against the whispering dark.

Tattooed tears,
a killer in slow motion,
tripping through shadows
that refuse to die.

No trust, no kin,
just the slow exhale of light—
ghosts humming in thunder's arms,
his hand reaching
through the veil of the afterlife
to pull her back from oblivion.

But who saves the savior
when the wasps return?
liar
you said you loved me
liar
you said you would be there
liar
you said you would cheer me up
liar
you said you hated me
liar
you'll never leave me
liar
i'll teach you a lesson
liar
i hope you feel the pain i felt when the worlds collided and i was in between them
The slurs flow like water
Whenever I try to get you help
They feel like fire
But you don't care
We're still friends
Again & Again
More words
More pain
But if I walk away will you still be ok?
will I be happy? be loved?
when I'm skinny, thin?
weighed down, a freak, monster
while everyone else is flying.

baby, how do you love something
like me? this rotten bag of flesh.
I wish I was better for you.
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