I come not
From a broken home
From a broken life
Or broken dreams
I come from a broken mind, not so easy to see
From the first draw of blood I made, I knew I wasn't the same
It was love at first sight, my secret beautiful blade
It was perfect.
We spent time together
She was there for me
Like no one was before
She gave me enough pain, utmost pleasure
Always wanting more
Until one day, someone saw
My lovely secret out
They took her away, my wonderful blade
They didn't understand this love affair that had come about
They told me she was precarious
Full of diseases and grime
This scared me enough, so that I haven't returned
To flirt with my old obsession
But from time to time
When I consider deeply
I never learned my lesson

If your a freakshow
everyone will hate you
if you be yourself.

If you hide yourself
without openin up
its easier, right?

Ive compartmentalized myself
but in each room
is
me.

Hate it or like it
I will be who I be.

You can too
I understand more than I let on

You got out of work at eleven and I was there waiting for you.
Leaning against your car with my arms crossed,
hiding in the shadow of the security camera because no one
should have to see us like this before I made my peace or before
you tried to stop me.
You sauntered over with your hair fixed and your face black
from the powdered metal dust that stuck to your skin while you were doodling
on a notepad waiting for the tumbler to shut up and give you new parts
to start the process.

I've waited and waited for my parts to have back from you after you took them.
To start the process.
To be fine
once again.

With your hands in your pockets you angrily backhanded a reply to my fainted "hi"
above the noise of other workers clocking out their time cards,
punch in and punch out
"What are you doing here?"
I didn't think it needed an answer.
But since you questioned and since I've been silently mad for days and since
I'm almost to the breaking point I said something
that I can't remember in this late night, confused memory,
that went

Well since
you don't answer my calls and won't look at me and won't talk to me
just keep pushing past and past my presence in your life when you're looking
and in your mind when you're not,
I put myself here.
I put myself where you'd have to see me just so you could tell me
why it is you loved so deeply and left so quickly.

Then my eyes went hazy and my mouth fell sideways as you told me
something I expected to hear that still shocked my soul
because a large part of me that I don't like to admit
was still hoping for the answer I'd been praying for
or the realization of an epiphany you've had over loving me
as only a memory and wishing you could have it that real again.
But you clocked me-
punch in and punch out.
You used me to heal the bad stuff and then parted when you were done.
Parted and left me when you had what you needed
to get through another stubborn year of acting like you love me
but lying because you never really did.

I got in my car and waited at the factory red light
until it turned green and drove the opposite way you were leaving.
I watched the two headlights as they blurred themselves into direction.
I watched you and I knew that I had nothing to come back to.
Just empty words to be said and a desperate attempt
to get back what I thought I had again.

Sadie was a doubtful one
Her mind was tightly shut
When faced with the fantastical
She’d fold her arms and tut
She pranced around her garden
With an playful evil aura
And dealt a merry flattening
To all that passed before her
Their bodies lay around her
And an imp of mischief found her

She loved to trap and poison
And wished she’d been a spider
When a fizzing overtook her
When a rumble grew inside her
When a shrinking and a shrivelling
Across her form did tickle
And soon did Sadie realise
That wishes can be fickle
Her legs and arms divided
Her eyeballs multiply did

So sorry Sadie scuttled
Alternating creep and crawl
She tippy-toe’d across the grass
And past her victims all
And sadness was upon her
And with mourning in her eyes
Her grief compounded hunger
And an appetite for flies
Her lengthy limbs belied her
Sorry Sadie was a spider

She loped along a lily
And her sorrow turned to guilt
Her carapace was aching
For the blood which she had spilt
She wept a web of anguish
With her sticky little tears
She wound a downward spiral
Like the falling of the years
Her malice had been stunted
Her fangs were dull and blunted

Sadie gained existence
On a web of worldly woes
She fed her tiny tummy
Where the buzz and flutter goes
And she learned the price of living
So she killed just what she ate
And she knew why killing needlessly
Was such an ugly trait
And with a human soul inside her
She chose to be a spider

When I look
At that certain spot
On my floor,
I remember you.

If I think hard enough
I can still feel the heat
Of your body
Radiating towards mine.

Polite company
Keeps us apart
For the moment.
But behind
The closed door
Of that room
We can be
As close
As we want.

Our bodies gravitate
Closer and closer.
I feel your hands
Lightly graze
Over my hips.

I pull you down,
Harder,
Onto me.

Nervous energy turns to
Silly excitement.
Silly excitement becomes
Genuine happiness.

This is actually happening
Our body heat combines
Creating one strong force
Of passion
Of energy
Of excitement

When it is all over
We meet each other’s lazy gaze,
Share a quick kiss,
Laugh and promise
That this will happen again.


And it has.

the pawn

interjecting appropriate jargon

at appropriate moments

seemingly interesting but far from fascinating

just enough to make you not turn away

at first

jargon, silence, repetition

repetition, silence

ammunition is empty

****

hold hope the initial impression remains

silence, repetition, silence, hope

it doesn’t

it fades

the jargon hardens the plastic

the plastic pawn repeats itself

it pleads and screams to the empty world

for interest, for fascination

just enough to not make you not turn away

you do

you turn to leave and glimpse a sea

of hardening plastic pawns

waiting in queue

to listen

run