the butterflies
have lost their wings
but i can still feel
them crawling around in there

just like you once lost your hair
but you came back stronger than ever
maybe this will be a similar case

they don't flutter
they long to

though in their excitement
they just squirm

but they are accepting of their particular predicament

i look at you
and
they
wiggle
& wiggle

they are okay
with their particular predicament

and so am i

boxed wine
is my most
favorite
shape in
the world

i saw the ones i loved
or at least once knew
all in existential turmoil

permanent relief
was more accessible than ever
& people around the world
were standing in line
to lay themselves down

bittersweet
that the fear of death was
no longer an issue
but
only because it was overpowered
by severe loathing of living

first an old friend
standing in front of an empty grave
i don't think he even hesitated

then some women
i once knew
beautiful
even more so now
time doesn't deteriorate all
it is kind to some
the wisdom and hardening of existence
the stress
creates a diamond
but they would never believe
if you told them
So full of self loathing
feeling worth less than coal or
some other common mineral
in a materialistic world
my heart ached for them
while their aching would end for good

and then, at last,
my own blood
my brother
out of place
a sore thumb in the fray of
pointed fingers
poisoned by his own doing
weakened
and giving up
not much older than I
but aged much in strife
& i pleaded
& reasoned
& promised
& reached
but i shed tears & tears that day

i blinded myself from the vivid images
i don't think
i want to open my eyes again

You are so stupid;
didn't you know your breaks are
for stopping your car?

I would never guess
you were like me

with the way you carried
yourself
the way you made me laugh

out in a distant town
not too far,
actually

But the people are
Unlike anything I've ever experienced

I'm not religious
but the way you sang
the way you swayed
the way you threw
Yourself,
in that moment

To me

My god
Your god
Ours, whichever

I won't be able
To sleep
Without you
Possessing me
In
My
Dreams

chill in the stars
and the brightness
in the air

cloudy skies
clouded vision
cluttered thoughts
and inhibition

surrendered
to the ascetic force

guiding my
shaking hand
to-and-from
the ashtray

& in the smoke
and the doubt

mind and soul
became one

rationality resists
fantasy but
coalesces into
lust

and on this night
so black and white

You stood;
serene and from a dream

casting over
every ray of light

You
lovely
merciless
enamoring
thing

a nuisance
a temporary thrill
staying transparent

do what you will

soon enough
you will grow ill
of he, yourself

do what you will

foreseen in dreams
soon to be real
quiet demise

do what you will

and foolishly you'll
be on my mind still
but I'll trudge onward as

you do your will

far from sleep
i feel it now

the blind reach
the forced tender hand
stroking my hair

making me feel
like you cared

that arch in you brow
the way you
looked completely
through me
cut
to the core
and how it sent
feral waves down my spine

those oceans
i saw me swimming in

without feeling
automatic
planned out
exactly how
they told you to

your smooth
skin

painfully perfect

and the way
it curved
so seamlessly
as

your feet floated
barely gracing the earth

the scent
the odor
whatever you
want to call it
that
awoke
the primal instinct

and how
i so desperately
yearned for your
lips

both sets

oh, the horror
the absolute horror

heaven
in hell on earth

i've slipped

i'm so drunk i've slipped

i drank so much
i accidentally miss you

what a heart bleeding
what a man's man
you'll soon have her eating
out the palm of your hand

your words are aimless
but what difference does it make
because her eyes are senseless
and locked on your face

soon to reap the reward
of your wordplay and "wit"
your clever aim towards
the slit 'tween her hips

what a bleeding heart, what an obvious plan
what a load of ****, soon you'll too understand

one can't hope
to measure a night

by the meager things in life

it has nothing to do
with what
you ate
or how good (you think)
you looked

the faces in the fray
the ones that stuck in your head
or

the miles you drove
or how drunk you got
or wanted to get

or if you ended up alone
at the end of it,
because in the city filled with lights
and laughters
and distractions & disasters

you know that you always end up alone

but
it's measured by

whether or not
you can count the stars on your fingers

fiery
hardly
contained
by the body

that I see
swaying
and preying
upon me

a familiar
situation
as is your
demeanor

And against all
second thought
I dream
between her

but when she's
gone by daw

the liquor will
still be there

spinning with
the room

erasing
her stare

cigarettes &
the bottle
to

usher in
drab tomorrows

there's no
substitute
for
human contact

nothing that brings
the body to shiver
like the touch

nothing that makes sleep
sweep in quicker than
the heat of another

but

smiling is much
easier
when you're so
drunk you
can't feel
your face

i finally found use
for those memories of you

the other night,
hunched over the toilet bowl
stuck in a struggle between
keeping it down
and letting it erupt

one of those situations of
soul searching
of
"side-weighing", if you will

in a moment of weakness
familiar laughter,
a chilling touch,
and a striking scent fluttered to mind

and with wrath it purged into porcelain

tucked in by a flush
followed then by peace

mind finally at hush
maybe now will come sleep

inebriated
smoke and lust fill the air

but it's not the same

the night is thick
the moon is full
and I'm surrounded by things
keeping my mind on you

anyone has anyone
and everyone is anyone but you

as you sit
and listen to the mingling
the fraternizing
the darkness
reality

cold air nips
at me while I see

nighttime
caressing everything around me

I smile
For once, genuinely

From some place far away
you sit across from me

from some place, now close
you are more human
more approachable than ever

for once, I am interested
I am intrigued

I am enthralled
& I need

Just a smile
just touch

maybe to see you one more time

and to hopefully not **** it up

I hope I don't **** it up

It's at times like this
that I see your face
in every crevice and empty space
Those haunting eyes held locked
             in place

It's at times like this
that the memories ambush me
Wearing animal skin diapers
Fixing to gut me
            with their spears

It's times likes this
that all the empty words shower me like rain
droplets crawling about my skin
Soaking into open
             wounds

And yet it's at times like this
that I wonder what kind of sound it would make
If you hit the pavement falling from a
very high
             building

Sweet wind
sweet sweet music
coating the sun
rays

and good vibes
vibrate

Vibrant scenery
emanates

Endless elegance
and cunning grace

She looks ravishing,
really,
you would have never guessed
she was a mother

She had on her finest dress,
it fell pleasantly short of the mark
She was showing me the goods
the best of the best

The legs, the hips
the face and chest

I've always had a thing for Nature