you're right
you're absolutely right
I fake I lie
exaggerate & write

what does it matter
what I see
I'm convinced that
they're all parts of me

it's a matter of
self-importance
of fear of faith
of fear of death

it spreads thin
the fabric of soul
of heart and all
things kept consoled

it's all things
I think I need
to transcend time
and my being

don't listen to
the things I say
I sit and dream
and think of ways

to make me what
you always see
eyes open, closed
or in between

I long for worth
for meaning
I'll find it somewhere
in anything

don't consider
what's conveyed
rambling appeasement
from my head

it won't matter
long from now
when nature
reassumes control

it shouldn't matter
but I'm convinced
it won't matter
at the end of this

-lights out-
fall, hands a-clasped, into instantaneous
ecstasy like a shot of ****** or morphine,
the gland inside of my brain discharging
the good glad fluid (Holy Fluid) as
i hap-down and hold all my body parts
down to a deadstop trance-Healing
all my sicknesses-erasing all-not
even the shred of a 'I-hope-you' or a
Loony Balloon left in it, but the mind
blank, serene, thoughtless. When a thought
comes a-springing from afar with its held-
forth figure of image, you spoof it out,
you spuff it off, you fake it, and
it fades, and thought never comes-and
with joy you realize for the first time
'thinking's just like not thinking-
So I don't have to think
any
more'

there is this car-

you know
4 wheels, 2 doors
Mercedes maybe?

and every time
I pass it by
I look twice

I think twice

and I know it
couldn't be you

But I've adopted
this new optimism
& new turbulence

maybe the world is magic
and the eastern plane true

there's fraction of chance
in a passing glance
my eyes will be reflecting you

maybe I'll see you again
and maybe I'm meant to be happy

perhaps this smile is genuine

And so, perhaps,
that is in fact your car

and maybe, in fact,
there is a pull between our hearts

i am forcing this

but
i am not ashamed

what you did
was what you do

but you don't realize
the weight
that comes

with the way you
opened up and all

blue has remerged
blue is what i see
blue eyes i know
you've been looking
for me

chemicals in the air
reactions of you
the memories seep down
these empty hallways now

doors closed
rooms empty
bed big
and cold

mind circling
head heavy
body shivering
soul sold

i'll sleep on nails
on splintered floors
whatever you will

i don't mind

my mind is no more

i am the incarnation of desire

and the mouth
the fingers
that say too much

what matters is
what is what matters

what's true is true

you don't have to sleep
alone tonight

if you don't want to

I shouldn't drink this much

and I was so certain
I felt so sure

I thought you could see me
I thought you could actually understand

I felt you
I really did

You looked into my eyes and I looked
into
Y O U

I felt your heart

I saw your dreams

your aspirations

And there is nothing

not a thing

I want more,
than the privilege of your smile

the charity of your time

I was so sure
so convinced

and here I am near tears
completely unable
to forgive myself

here I am
here I am
and you are so
far away

here I am
hear me
listen

I've ruined myself

i'm rubble for you, dear

my eyes burn
A life spurned

I will never be the same

never again, never again

Despite the effort,
&
attention

Alleyways &the;
Obscure,
you're as close to home as ever

but
a miscommunication
is all I'll ever be

ask me how it feels to be helpless

living, dying, hopelessly reckless

i won't fight
i won't fight

your embrace
will be my end tonight