oh when
oh when

will the stomach stop churning

when
will
vivid images of you burning
stop burning

it's almost funny
how these things work out

i would laugh
if i could

but i can't
so i won't

at the same time though
in rule of opposites i see you

beautiful in a sundress
for once happy to see me

although you're long dead
there's no crying or mourning

and even though you're long gone
i think i'll wake easy next morning

even though you should cease
to be happy and at peace

there is still some sick comfort
in knowing you're pleased

in hindsight i know
it could never be me

that could endure
the cruelty that harbors your near-empty center

sometime soon
perhaps

the moon's
light will clasp on your casket

and i'll be there
remembering

a second necessary death
far gone

what is it about you?
what is it really?

it's more than
your pretty face
they are everywhere
& I love everyone
because I seem to love
so easily

why can't I stand,
the thought of standing near you?

don't get me wrong
I'm not repulsed
quite the opposite,
actually
&so; very very
intimidated
by whatever it is
that you do

what gave you the right
to do this to me?

I didn't give you
permission
to crawl under my skin
and yet you slither
around veins&
organs
my body won't fight you

is this what they mean
by "tunnel vision?"

the nights grow more
blurred
and yet you stand more
clear than ever
no one is around
and it couldn't possibly matter less
I'm enamored
I close my eyes
and feel your smooth skin

why isn't it you that feels
this way?
do I make you over analyze?
do I make you second guess?
do I make you sick with
worry& self scrutinization?

I think the easy answer is
I ask too many questions

Beer, beer
philosophy, gin
self searching
empire building
more beer
world dissecting, self destruction
beer and
spinning
&
spinning to sleep