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EJ Aghassi Sep 2013
i need
someone to
tell me
just how
drunk i am

to remind me of the cruelty
i exercise in conversation

to lay around in bed
all day
& count the
breaths of
one another

to

make sure i
stay somewhat human

and to

make sure i
know that i am
someone
to somebody

i need to be called an
******* when
i am acting like
nothing less

to be embraced
in the coldness
i exhibit

though i long so
to warm you

validation
idealistic
romanticized
pessimism

i need someone to
make me feel

i


want



you
EJ Aghassi Sep 2013
cigarettes &
the bottle
to

usher in
drab tomorrows

there's no
substitute
for
human contact

nothing that brings
the body to shiver
like the touch

nothing that makes sleep
sweep in quicker than
the heat of another

but

smiling is much
easier
when you're so
drunk you
can't feel
your face
EJ Aghassi Sep 2013
thinking
waiting
whiskey
drinking

tossing
turning
turmoil
seeping

into
dear &
lucid
dreaming

& in
mornings
lacking
meaning

no one
nothing
void of
feeling

so more
drinking
reading
writing
singing
EJ Aghassi Sep 2013
I can barely remember
how it felt;
that moment when
the blurred vibrations
set in

things make sense when
your feet don't touch the ground

reality was then a whisper
and now it is yelling in my face

reality is the cold tile floor
reality is the wildfire
reality is the car crash
reality is the hunger
reality is reaching for the pill
& the insatiable thirst for the bottle

reality is heartless
it is unforgiving

and the harder you try
to close your eyes
the more vividly you see

reality is always winning

and I'm
so very
tired
of keeping score
EJ Aghassi Sep 2013
i finally found use
for those memories of you

the other night,
hunched over the toilet bowl
stuck in a struggle between
keeping it down
and letting it erupt

one of those situations of
soul searching
of
"side-weighing", if you will

in a moment of weakness
familiar laughter,
a chilling touch,
and a striking scent fluttered to mind

and with wrath it purged into porcelain

tucked in by a flush
followed then by peace

mind finally at hush
maybe now will come sleep
EJ Aghassi Sep 2013
over 6 feet tall
but

tear me apart
and

you couldn't find backbone
with a magnifying glass

ask me how it makes me feel
and i'll probably tell you
what you
want to
hear

as i float lifless
across the room
shallow smile
from ear
to ear

weighed down by invisible things
crumbled under insignificance

chemically dependent
self-abasing

coalescing in
selflessness
and
self-destruction
EJ Aghassi Sep 2013
inebriated
smoke and lust fill the air

but it's not the same

the night is thick
the moon is full
and I'm surrounded by things
keeping my mind on you

anyone has anyone
and everyone is anyone but you

as you sit
and listen to the mingling
the fraternizing
the darkness
reality

cold air nips
at me while I see

nighttime
caressing everything around me

I smile
For once, genuinely

From some place far away
you sit across from me

from some place, now close
you are more human
more approachable than ever

for once, I am interested
I am intrigued

I am enthralled
& I need

Just a smile
just touch

maybe to see you one more time

and to hopefully not **** it up

I hope I don't **** it up
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