I can barely remember
how it felt;
that moment when
the blurred vibrations
set in

things make sense when
your feet don't touch the ground

reality was then a whisper
and now it is yelling in my face

reality is the cold tile floor
reality is the wildfire
reality is the car crash
reality is the hunger
reality is reaching for the pill
& the insatiable thirst for the bottle

reality is heartless
it is unforgiving

and the harder you try
to close your eyes
the more vividly you see

reality is always winning

and I'm
so very
tired
of keeping score

over 6 feet tall
but

tear me apart
and

you couldn't find backbone
with a magnifying glass

ask me how it makes me feel
and i'll probably tell you
what you
want to
hear

as i float lifless
across the room
shallow smile
from ear
to ear

weighed down by invisible things
crumbled under insignificance

chemically dependent
self-abasing

coalescing in
selflessness
and
self-destruction

a work of art
purely

the way you float behind
the counter
and you ask me
if I'm "okay"

Sure

but if I were to answer
honestly

no
far from it

I am sickened by
your beauty

you
being

out of reach

how you talk to
everyone else
out of profession
out of priority

but it's okay

I have little money
that I'm usually smart with

but I will
spend
every
bit

If it keeps you coming back

every cent
everything I own

for you
to make me

"okay"

There are better ways
to wake a man up you know,
Green Eyes,
why shake the bed?

Use your head, baby
use your head

But I'm up, I'm up
definitely so

I made it through
another night;
these nights
go so slow

I find my window for escaping,
I'm out now, my heart is racing

I left her at home
conniving alone
but there is no safe
place to roam

before I know it,
she'll be at my side
Stress, your green eyes
I can't deny

I try and I try but
I'm helpless to resist her

I try to overcome,
I try to dismiss her

But I know
once again we'll go
arm and arm to
your room

reaching for the ceiling,
touching and feeling
heavy breathing soon leading
to my pending doom

And despite what I've said,
I'm soon on the bed
and she plunges down to
my center instead

Her green eyes are burning
holes in my forehead
Humbly a man &
soon I'll be dead

although it is my vice, at
least she took my advice:

that's using your head