I don’t want a relationship right now
Right?
I keep telling myself that
Because I’m tired
I have no energy to keep up with anyone other than myself
And even then it’s hard
I tell myself that i should wait
Because im moving away in two years,
And what’s the point in loving someone when you know you’re going to leave?
I tell myself
That I don’t even know what love is
And that much is true.

But I just wish I had someone
Pull me close when im sad
Hold my hand when im scared
and give me someone to love

I just want someone to share the simple joys of life with
To drive around town at midnight with
To sing off key without a care with
To snuggle up next to and look at the stars with

I tell myself I don’t want a relationship
Then I meet people
And make up our love story
And allow myself to live through it, if only in my head
I let myself love them
But it’s one sided, they never know
Then sadness overtakes me
Because I think I love them (but who am I to know what love is?)
I know a few people
Who might like me
But like isn’t love
And I dont know how to tell the difference

I just wish I knew
How to know a boy without inevitably obsessing over him
How to tell when a smile is special or not
How to tell if he likes me

I don’t want a relationship right now…
Right?

i posted a comment on a youtube video
it was a poem I thought that maybe 5 people would read

it got 3.5k likes...
i doubt it if i know 3,500 people by name in real life

3,500 people is a lot and it makes me happy to know
that they liked my thoughts and even commented!

i felt that they got to see a glimpse of the true me, and thats terrifying
if i only truly feel seen by people liking my poem online

the thunder is
here and i crouch
under the
noise. i
didn't understand how anyone could
ever feel so powerless. i
really didnt understand how
someone could
take cover
or crouch so lowly in such
real fear until i
met the thunderstorm, and then i understood

you cant see the teeth marks...

they're hiding under my watch

i dont wanna lay in bed
but i cant seem to move my limbs

i feel bloated
i feel selfish

i just wanna lay here
maybe watch some tv

numbly watch the gorgeous
actresses and actors work

im just so tired
but i cant sleep

i wanna be free
but i dont know how anymore

sticky sticky
dripping honey

the words spill out
of your mouth so often

at first i felt
the butterflies

but now i feel
kinda sick inside

i dont know why
i dont like you less

i just feel like
im swimming

in sticky sticky
dripping honey

far too sweet
for a girl like me