Nature's indifference demands acceptance from conscious minds.
Have you ever seen a snake eat a mouse in a cage?
Somebody has to die for something else to live.
Somebody has to take in order for somebody to give.
Emotions contradict this.
We could deny it all and hide in our remote corners of the world.
Until death knocks on our door as we take our time to open it.
one step closer... I should have held my lover closer
2 steps away... What didn't I say?
3 steps near... and we search last minute for something that will soothe our ears.
"Believe in God so that you may go to heaven and have eternal life."
4 steps go by and we close our eyes.
Our hearts and minds shut off and we die.
Nature takes our bodies and replenishes them into the Earth.
Our opinions long since evaporated from the final tone of Nature's moan.
This is what we dread, but this what we know.

When I'm high my ideas distort in a perverted movement.
When I'm high I don't want my mom to see my eyes.
At least without eye drops popped in concealing what I've done,
who I've been.
When I'm high I shamefully admit to my psychologist.
When I'm high I open my mind and channel spirits.
When I'm high I sometimes hate who I am inside.
Conclusions just mean cycles.
No more subjects everything is titles.
I peer out of my body I appear to be glowing
but all my visions have lost their luster.
The shine dims before my eyes.
In this period of life the world took me for a ride
around the darkness.
It's sadness was so tragic because it spelled out the "S",
materialized as snake,
symbolizing infinity,
punching my heart directly.
When I'm high I say these things,
I tap unto a familiar part of myself
that won't give space for the whole.
When I'm high I feel guilty because
it's hard for me to say no anymore.

Helpless at the foot of temptation.
She stomps on me, I lay on the ground.
Don't bother getting up.
Love will not conquer this time around.
Because when no one is looking...
I'm pulling up and out all the devils
I swear I'd put down.
But the baby is crying for me to pick her up.
Screaming like a tortured child.
I gave birth to this desire,
and it must die by my hand alone.
Drown the baby in the shower,
or continue riding this wild bull at the rodeo.

There's no one around to help carry my pain.
The weight of it exhausting my emotions into overdrive -
irrationality with a dash of anger.
Some one pick me up and drop me off
the face of the world and into a forest.
The trees won't confuse me.
They encourage me to breathe.
The rivers won't judge me,
they reflect what I am.
While every one else tells me stories,
nature will guide me to the truth;
An endless honest journey.

To love a drug addict is to love drugs in itself.
To see the highs... the lows...
always a different character but none of them are you.
A bud that tossed its seed into barren soil.
Shrouded in clouds made of chemicals you can't even name.
Always living on one side of your duality and my role
has always been to bear witness.
We love each other but visions of us as lovers
are now ****** into the void because to love a drug addict
is to love the very thing that controls you.
There is no room for anything else to reign.
Your chains outweigh your strength.
And so you sit, seething and craving
for the next hit.
Or should I say, **** dose...
what you like to call it.
To love a drug addict is to accept
your names...
and all they represent.
But I hate.
I hate your hang overs
and you're need for speed.
I hate it because its killing you physically
as it kills me emotionally.
I hate you're demon that stops you from being
half the man you could be.
And so this is why we never graduated past lovers.
This is why you never became a rock star.
Garage bands unable to house you in
because you're too busy getting wasted
while they play music.
You **** up your notes and your tuning.
Your energy ******* up the melody
because you have to stuff your face,
with things to make you forget your face.
I see empty.
This is why we'll never work out.
We drew our lines, made our circles and put things in them.
You chose to surround yourself with drugs that make it so hard to love you.
Because I hate them.
Because they hate you.

It's like some uncanny deal I made with Fate
in my sleep but just can't remember.
We agreed on timing that teaches me to endure alone.
Where are you when I need you the most?
To say the least.
You aren't around to induce the revival.
When situations turn suicidal I turn to your presence
but can't even hear your voice.
My mind is so shocked by your abrupt absence
it won't let my soul relish in the memory of your face.
I try to conjure up your matter and come up with blurs and swirls.
Your absence was not voluntary.
But I am left here with this mess that stands before trial,
begging for something to take blame for justice.
It's like a freak accident, you are gone, I am here,
and its not our fault.
But I want you to make up for it and say I'm sorry.
Because you're somewhere out there in the trees flourishing,
and I am sitting here patiently enduring.

21 years or older but I asked to use the bathroom first.
Then I slip in when the bouncer isn't looking.
Naked bodies hanging on poles.
Men, smoke, 90's rap music.
On the stage, they bend backwards like dogs.
Dogs staring back, mirroring the position
and her self - esteem.
A woman approaches two men at the table in front of me.
Her fishnet wrap shows she's naked.
*******, grinding, tossing hair.
Some slimy guys buy us drinks from a table a distance away.
Dorena gulps next to me.
I leave mine alone.
Absorbed into this vision because I have to immerse
myself in this because I must write.
I need to tell people that her hand slapped her ******
like it did something wrong.
She made her hand do that because that man
was giving her dollars as I watched them slide off her back,
her legs; the sides of them.
She gave his friend a dance and a magic trick.
Setting fire to matchsticks she placed on her ******* and her ****.
He blew the flame away.
The dollars blew to the ground
and after her performance she went on her knees,
and picked up the remains.
Her dress, the money, her composure.
Afterward, she lit up a Capri, the type of cigarette
I craved all night.
I bummed one off her and she fled out of sight.