midnight taffeta calves, your mom’s rose-gold
diamond pendant resting between *******
too-long hair tamed, fastened at your nape

this peculiar impasse between pretending you’re
prom-young and you’re midtown-gala-elegant-old
you’re a little both, at twenty-one, and a little
drunk—fourteen-dollar champagne, picklebacks
and the desperate paradoxical preservation of this memory

you can hold your cloud-head up beautiful still
so you hitch your dress
runrunrun behind the Rhodes
crouch down in the thorns with every-elegant-one you love
twenty-one, desperate, ebullient, ****

and ****.

stand up straight again, glowing, sage
check your coat and dance
nobody’s the wiser

let me drown my sorrows
in your eyes
moving
above me

sunlight
shadows
taking turns to caress
our skin
the wind
stirring the leaves
in the autumn

don't close your eyes
you are
about to save me

whisper to me
again
into the crook
of my crooked neck

tell me
how much you love me
let me bury
my face
in the fold of your arm

whisper to me again
i will press your hand
to my chest
stilling
you're breaking my heart
with your honesty

whisper to me again
tell me
how fragile you are
with your eyes
the words
coming from your lips
taint my memory
with the sweetest music
and i wish
that it would stop

trace an atlas
over my pale cheek

make a mark
for all the places
we will never see

consellations
that swear above us
how we can never be
shadow
the black cat
that you say
must be chasing me

hey vanessa
i’m not vanessa
oh, i’m sorry i know who you are, it’s just
i’ve been drinking tonight and i am so sorry
no, it’s fine, i’ve been drinking too
i’ll vote for you to make it up
no, it’s fine, don’t worry about it, but thank you

he sits down next to me but not really

i stare at the pink box of donut holes
small grease stains, untied ribbon
boy, girl, empty room, empty house
chin in my knees
heart full of holes