If there was a such this as
perfect

it would be found in the
simple

A child’s smile
a mother’s love
a father’s protection

if perfect
could be theorized philosophically
placed into linguistic terms
there could be no words
no label grand enough
no construction simple enough
save only laughter

if perfect
could be understood mathematically
it would be either be a 1 or a 0
no other representations yields the same
universal and instant ease of understanding
that children instinctually grasp the idea

yet

the same children
when grown
could spend  their life exploring the complexities


If perfect
could be known on a spiritual level
it would be that moment one realizes there is a god
ascending to level of worship and devotion
others mistake them for the god they serve

or

it would be that moment when one rejects all divinity
professing that all in creation is not of creation
but of nature and nurture
the only guiding force is the will to survive  

If perfect
could be expressed in dance or music
there would only be
one motion
one note
maybe none
stillness
silence

If perfect
could be expressed on canvas or in stone
it would be such that the work would
never be started
untouched
maybe never completed
unfinished

Perfect
is as simple as knowing that one can never see one’s own face
what one knows as one’s one image
is only a reflection
what’s more is that a person is the only person that can never see ones own image
yet all they encounter sees them exactly as they are
exactly as they never can

Perfect perfection
is realization
not thought
not contemplation

Perfection is everything labeled imperfect

The only imperfect thing
is the word its self

© Christopher F. Brown 2013

Hello there, my friend.
Or, at least, that's what you want me to believe
But I can't believe it any longer
And as more days go by
The more this friendship seems like a lie

I know I lied to you, my friend.
I have lied about a great many things
So much that I had to tell you the truth
Because the voices in my head told me to
Then everything started to fall

I thought I had ruined it all, my friend
I thought our tower based on friendship fell
So I asked you of its condition
You told me it was upright yet damaged
Without showing my proof nor debris

I wanted to go away that day, my friend
I wanted to end it all to spare you the burden
Of my presence
I told you what I felt
And you protested and told me you cared
So I stayed because I believed you

You've changed a lot, my friend
It's been a long time since you've spent your time
Talking to someone as useless as me
I have become a ghost in your eyes
Always present
Never acknowledged

Very rarely do I see you smile around me anymore, my friend
Very rarely do I feel your care
Even if you said you cared, very much
Our tower based on friendship has fallen
And you want to keep it that way
Because it is not worth rebuilding

Instead of care, I see tolerance
Instead of happiness, I see irritation
Instead of company, I only see presence
I may have lied to you
But I have told you the truth
Because I trust you and hope that you will understand

I want to leave
Everybody wants me to leave
So please do not lie to me
Especially not to the following question:
Do you want me to leave too?

Every night,
I read your poems
I read the honest thoughts of your mind
and every night,
I'm still wishing that I was the girl
behind the hidden times that you smile
the girl that makes you want to live
the girl that you hope for
the girl you wish for
and even though you don't believe in God,
I want to be the one that you'll pray for
the girl who can stop your nightmares
and turn them into dreams

I see the way you look at her
like she's one of the rare heavenly bodies
found in the infinite sky
and I'm just another lone galaxy
my elliptical indifference
spiral lies and mistakes
are reflected across the vastness of the void
and sometimes it feels like
I am the sun
and you are the moon
and we are cursed that the sun and the moon
will never collide
because you are too far caught up,
amazed by the stars
amazed by how she seems to shine and twinkle
across the darkness
and you don't care because you never notice
that my shoulders are near to breaking
from staying straight too long
every time I let you climb up on them
so you can try to reach her
but can't
the same way she doesn't care
that you write poems for her
and that you cast her as the princess
in your stories
I want to be the princess
in your stories
But everyday,
I am forced to fade into the background
because life has decided
that I am too broken
to be anyone's princess

Every night, I get pricked from the sharp points of the stars
when I collect them and try to weave them into a blanket
to drape over your body
to protect you
from the whispers and the screams
the truth and the lies
the fallen hopes and the cries
make you look at me
the way you look at her
but I still see you wishing
that it was her that you were hugging
and I am back into hiding
into that space where the superheroes have discarded their trash
the place for the people they've decided
are hopeless
the ones who still need saving
but are too convinced
that they've reached their end

I am the girl
that you share the deepest thoughts of your mind with
the thoughts that were lodged
into the small cracks
along the sidewalk of your secrets
You tell me the phrases
the rhymes and the metaphors
that no one else could decode
but she is still the concept
she is still the idea that comes up in your mind
when you think of writing something new,
writing something beautiful
And again,
I am just here
still the only girl
who can truly understand your poems
but never the girl inside them