I am now fifteen
and I am now afraid
that one day I'll look up
and all of this will fade away.

I am now fifteen
and I am insecure
because everyone around me
expects me to be sure.

I am now fifteen
and nothing here makes since
except his arms around me
and except for his sweet kiss.

I am now fifteen
and to be as honest as I can be
something tells me one day I might
be wishing again for fifteen.

The world is full of
wanna-bes and
used-to-bes and
almost-wases.

And the world is crawling with
naysayers and
false speakers and
people who never speak at all.

The world will never run out of
cookie cutters and
fakes and
exact replicas.

But every once in a while,
if you're lucky, really truly lucky
you meet a dream catcher or
a dream weaver or
a dream creator.

And every once in a blue moon,
should all the conditions be right,
you meet someone who is not afraid.

Someone who will hang their feet
over the very edge of this dismal world
look down into the dark expanse
take your hand
close their eyes

and jump.

And that person, my dear,
is you.

I don't know how to write
of someone who has given
me so much when I have given
so little in return so I will say only

I hope you are happy, today and always
and I hope you can forgive my
every little *****-up: now and in the future.

I love you more than I have ever shown
and more than I have ever felt
and more than you have ever known.

All the lonely people* wander in the night,
clothed in all their misery and hiding from their pain.

All the lonely people hunt for what is right,
devil in their hearts as they sleep out in the rain.

All the lonely people beg, "Stay and love me do."
Lonely people are everywhere, and Eleanor Rigby never knew.

I've been smiling a lot lately,
laughing more than ever
taking in all my surroundings.

For the first time in a long time
I am confident in myself again
and I am surrounded once again
by beautiful people who actually care
about my happiness and my well-being.

For the first time in a long time
I do not fear sharing my secrets because
I know that I can trust these people with
the world itself if it were entrusted to me
or if it were mine to give away.

For the first time in a long time I
am truly, completely and wonderfully happy.
And it's been a long time since
I've gotten what I wanted
but for the first time in a long time
I'm getting what I need and that's even better.

And as I sit here in the dark,
I unwrap another piece of chocolate
and I think to myself with a smile:

I don't deserve all this happiness,
but I will gladly accept it anyway.

This round goes to you because
even though it's been so long
the thought of marrying you
is not at all unattractive.

We sit in a comfortable silence.
He is preoccupied with something
in his hands and I sit watching him
and smiling. He looks up at me.

What is it? he asks.
You're just so goofy. I answer.
I do not tell him how amusing and childlike
his laughter is or how adorable his simpleness is to me.

Yeah, that's just me, he answers back.

Another comfortable silence.
He looks at me with a smile in his eyes.
What are you thinking of? he asks.

Why didn't we work?
What did I do wrong?
Would we have lasted?

Did you mean all the things you said
once upon a time or was I just a moment
of weakness and blind want for you?

Want me.
Miss me.
Hug me.
Hold me.
Need me.

Love me.

I've missed this comfortable silence,
these meaningful yet insignificant conversations,
your presence and your essence and your everything.

I don't know what I want anymore
but I know it's not you.
It's just something about you that I can't
seem to let go of easily.

I miss you. Please stay.

But reality steps in
and I am back again.

He looks at me with a smile in his eyes.
What are you thinking of? he asks.

Nothing, I'm just so tired, I answer.

He begins to sing and his voice is heaven.
I'm so tired, I haven't slept a wink.
I'm so tired, my mind is on the blink.
I wonder should I get up and fix myself a drink.

I consider singing along, but I just want to listen and smile.
You know that one, right? I nod and he grins.

Another comfortable silence.
I begin to realize that the next time we meet
he will probably have forgotten all about this conversation
and he may not speak to me at all.

So I sit there and decide to make the moment last,
lingering in my laughter and reveling in the moment.

Yet another comfortable silence.
What am I thinking of?
*He doesn't need to know.