These days the cold
doesn't seem so cold

I still feel it, but I 've learned
to enjoy the feeling
of cold air in my lungs,
punctuating the
drags on my cigarette

                    This time last year I
                    was trying to drink
                    myself to death

Now I drink to mock death, and I'm
                    sitting in the corner with a notebook
                    and a whiskey
                    listening to some country band play
                    songs from sixty years ago

While so many of my friends are quitting the drink-
I guess this business of dancing with death every night
isn't for everyone. . .

                                   But the morning keeps coming
                                   with bright lights to
                                   hurt our eyes and
                                   clear our mind

And we keep on with the same old dance
Round and round, you step left, I step right
and we joke about how nobody here
        really knows what they're doing

And we all just keep on dancing

The post-man walks dutifully
from door to door
knocking first at
the worn front doors
      white paint peeling

Since no one is home
[no one is ever home]
he drops a note through
the mail slot, handwritten
   in sloppy cursive, it reads

            "I know the message came
             late and you've flown away,
             but if ever you think to come
             back to your old life,
                                           think again"

He does this at each and every
door on this side of the block

and when he reaches the end
      he crosses the street and
                                       does it
                                           again

O, Goddess

So intricate

This world I see

Sprang from your infinite giving

I am at home in you,

Everything I see.

Help me put the pieces back together.

You were good at
                                               flying                      
                                                                ­                away

                                           ­                                     I lay flat
                                                            ­                    against
                                     ­                                           the
                  ­                                                              ear­th

The day the sun scorched
                                                     your                
                                            ­                                 wings
                                                           ­                                y
                                                               ­                                o
                                                               ­                                    u
                                    
                                                                ­                                       f
                                                               ­                                      e
                                                               ­                                       l
                        ­                                                                 ­               l

                                               ­                                            and I was there
                                                           ­                                      to meet you

                                                            ­                            We can rest now,
                                                            ­                                                 love.
          
                                                                ­                        We can rest               
                                             ­                                                           forever.

For a while, my spirit
rebelled against my body

(Was it not the temple you expected?)

In that time, my spirit
sat in silence
and stared at itself-
in revelation or vanity,
I'm not sure which,

but I do know that
purity of spirit is not
what determines the happiness
of a bound human soul

It is not escape that I seek now
but immersion

For a while I was pure and bored,
now I drink, and I smoke
I say yes to love
and I am happy

Blue and green

madness

of Spring


Your windblown hair
                 is the clarion call

resounding

tones of earthbound angels

sounding silent trumpets

I am a snake
    winding my way
     to my destination
     shedding skin
along the way

It keeps me sane...

I push my mind
    to different places
     at different times
    in accord with
a rhythm only i
can hear

If I stay in
  one place
too long
    
The
        karmic
wind
         comes
howling
               in
my
             ear

Saying,
             "Go. . . Go"

Milleniums shredded into moments

Decades wound down to a single second

and I've only just found my sound
and addressed it

Like it's the only thing that could save me
and the little things could put me in my grave
But my hands are nothing without the hope
and faith that somehow something good
is happening somewhere

Maybe it was a long time ago,
before the lizards crawled out
from their ocean soul

Maybe it was the first time our eyes met
and didn't leave their place in space
for hours, and we were transfixed in grace
and drunk
on the holy spirits
of whatever we could find
lying around

Back when I was happy enough to just sit
and hear the sound of your voice
and somehow it validated every choice
I've made and it honestly seemed
like things would never be the same

Remember...
                        A precious glance is never
                              left to chance
            
                         And a touch is never forgotten
                              by the mind of the skin
                                     or those within

And if dreams are just things that we
see when we shut our eyes,
then this must be a dream
cause it still shines when I'm blind

And when I can't see I can still
hear the sound of your voice

And when I can't hear I can still
see the noise

When I can't see I can still hear the sound...

Lets tear this house down
and build it up from the ground

She claims she's broken

choking on the last words she said to him


All her life is but a dream

and no one knows just what it means


To hold this broken beauty in your arms

if only for a moment


And in that instant,

all of these ancient feelings

come flooding back


All the hurt of past lives,

all of the attachment

and passion

of returning to love


All of the times

we decided it'd be best

to put our brains in the bottle

and contain our ways


The feeling stays awake

in the form of

diluted memory

and bruised skin


The feeling stays awake

like I do,

lonely as the night


The only living thing

born dead


And it feels just right


The feeling stays awake like I do,

all night,

thinking of you

and your poison stare


Let me swallow you

and burn my throat

on your existence


Let me close,

if only for a moment


Let me in,

I promise you'll enjoy it


Since all we want to do is forget,

And bite our skin

with frozen passion,

we'll give up


Surrender to the dirt brown

carpet on the floor

and lay there forever


Since all we want to do is forget,


"Only for a moment"

Is all we'll get

And so I went to bed
Full--  Like a dozen lips or so
At sunset

I sit

      in a dead garden



Withered gray stalks

      break under the weight

      of life and death



A corpse, technically more complete

as it has already arrived

      at its destination



Smoke rises

from this lifeless

      place, it suffers no

      illusion, it has seen life

     and now it sees beyond



Dead ants in a dead anthill

     used to be so active

              now they rest where

              they are, now they turn

                                to dust



The butterfly dies too

but who would really want

              to remain a caterpillar?

Oh, to make something
out of nothing, with
my mind of aether
and my body of
           subtle confusions

If left in water
I would dissolve
Sugar cube sweet
into every waiting
           corner

A wet death until
my tomb evaporates
and leaves me crystallized
at the bottom of my porcelain
                    brain bowl
for some beast to come
and lick me up

   I will fuel his fate-
His bones and skin living
     the end product of
              my life

The end of precious little
      and your everyday
             sort of nothing

Oh, my heart
how did you find me in the dark?

Was it the stark white
shine of my bones
through my chest?

I wasn't really trying to do a
"Someone stole my heart" cliche-
                      It just fit in that way,

and I'm not sure if I'm saying
what I need to say or just
rhyming needless words and verbs
like needles swimming threadless
in something they never meant to sew

So, here we are.

I've done my best to stay hidden,

I've ridden inky tides
on moonless nights

Lost fights with myself
and won a few

And for a while I smiled
When I thought of me
and didn't think of you

And it was fine,
so fine

To live like someone
who hasn't had their head
cracked open by primordial
forces and the odds
of gods and goddesses

To be honest,
I never thought I'd promise this

But to you, my nameless, shapeless
faceless, fateless companion. . .

I'll walk with you forever,
even if we never get back home

and I won't accept a stand-in

Subconscious typing. Stream of Consciousness. Type streaming from source, rhythm or no, just keep typing. Fast fast fast. You can edit later.

Say what you mean, honesty really is the best policy

Make things disproportionately huge & cosmic or tiny microscopic personal. Be the soul telescope.

Relate to memory,  good times/bad times, unrelated action

Relate to the body/senses

Evoke ancient names and memories of forgotten gods

Appeal to primal self/instinct/latent human reaction to symbol & stimulus

"News from the edge" -- Report from the edge of the universe, tell the folks at home what's going on at the source

Praise things often, condemn things when they deserve it

WRITE

It hurts when i breathe
It burns when i see
All of me-

Ashes scattered to the sea

No matter the pattern
You wear on your sleeve
I fall down dead
And wake relieved

Ashes, ashes
It's all ******* ashes

this house we've built,
The bodies we put inside,
Nothing stays alive

This feeling of godly emptiness
Will pass

The feeling of my hand on your back
Wont last

The past is here
Along with the next
Phrase i speak
Between nicotine therapy

The future is here
With the king and queen
To let loose a vermouth mixed
Drink of the unseen

The obscene lingers meaninglessly
With the scene

With the invisible host,
The holy ghost

The most i could ask
Is to feel the ground beneath my feet
Once more

To unlock familiar doors
In familiar places

And to greet familiar faces

I dont know you yet
But i knew you before

I dont know you yet
But i love you all the more,

For our cause and effect
Is defecting to the raw rocks
And wrecks
On the distant shore

Tell me once more,

Did i meet you just now
Or do i remember you from before?

I may be timeless and without bound
but I am still bewildered in every body
I take on, and all I'm ever sure of
is what I am

A combination of every song I've sung
and every word I've read

I am everybody I've met

I am the one who believes in she
who shakes mountains

The one who makes us move
and dance on our fears

                               [She is the one who makes
                                 every step we take
                                 land on hallowed ground]

I try to remain in her grace
as long as I'm floating in space
and when I'm not there
                                           I am in the  nowhere
                                           of          my        mind
                                           imagining the future

and when I open my eyes
the present bursts through
to meet me

The Golden Lotus - Reflecting light
                                         from all hearts

I look inside and realize,
my body is hers

The one who
shelters us from the cold
and brings
thunder in the summer

She sets us free
and lights fires in the eyes
of those who see

and when she's gone,
she's the wind
rushing through
the city streets

draw back the curtains
so the windows are certain
the sunlight spills across your face

and run to the river
where we used to live
and i will meet you in that place

and i'll never break your heart again

a full bodied springtime
the trees know my crime
and moonlight is on the air

their branches are burning
the footsteps are turning
a slow night to be fair

and i'll never break your heart again

i stayed up all night
i hoped that i might
prove myself to be true

but the lilacs have heard me
and the brick house assured me
that all they talk about is you

and i'll never break your heart again

My multitudinous dreams,
cold to years-
map their unreality

The lilac trees across the lawn
beckon me with their breath

The stars so clear above me
and the cold brick wall behind me

All seem to remind me of you

You came and turned me
      on end
            
            emptying the cup
            of its contents

Let me weep my
      sunshine saltwater
      tears on your beach

Hold my glass heart
   in your hands and
     fill me with wine
       and honey

                 If only I could put
                     my lips to you

Ever drop of dew would be
                     a new soul

I would bathe in your
    river, the only place
    to wash
                   these ashes
    from my body and
                     face

And when I look through
                  to you is when
Eternity
    begins and ends

These banks are my friends
    but I just might jump in,
    let the tide take me out
    
And let your love draw
    the blood to my skin

You came and turned me
on end,
              my head under-
              water, I found
              myself holding
              
my       breath
              
     while   holding
              
           your     hand

I lay here

    and
           feel
                  alive

with the dead flies

stuck in the chandelier

night time, I should feel sleep
in my bones

but instead they ache with tobacco fever
and alcohol dreams

can't quiet the mind

can't be still

I keep my stones in my mouth
so I can shine when I spit em out
and give em out to the people
that make my dividends
feel equal

I only stutter when I speak
and these days
I've been speaking like a freak
who's seen things you won't believe
I need to get these dreams off my chest
and into the realm of thoughts redeemed

I sought your steam
rising steadily
and I know the waters clean
but I never thought this
cycle would be able to
show you what I mean

When I say

I've been down this road before baby
and theres nothing you could say to me
to make me change my mind
Either you're mine
or there's something else
you need to find

And I've climbed my mental mountains
and I've drained all of my lakes
Looking for you,
Queen among the fakes
I've laid down with the snakes
that say its not worth
the trouble it takes
To get to better seas

Still, I enjoy the journies
for the memories they make
and all the sins I commit
for heavens sake
seem to bring me here to you

It must have something to do with the stars
or the stones or the time spent alone

Telling myself, I know my soul is
in here somewhere

Somehow, I'll know it when I see it
and recognize myself in someone else

[You]

Myself in someone else

[You]

Myself in someone else

[You]

(The following was written under extreme duress, within the usual conditions of life and death.)*


Look into the night and pick out the brightest star in the sky.
Once you find it, do not let it leave your sight. If you must venture indoors or underground, do not let it leave your mind.

Once under the influence of said star, allow it to think through you, and record these interactions on paper; written in sand on a beach next to the ocean; scrawled on walls with black marker; or stamped into hearts using blood for ink.

Leave these messages laying around in places that the heavenly bodies may look down and catch them with a glance, or throw the loose papers into the wind and let them travel where they may.

Once a soul comes into contact with such energies and becomes fully entranced in dissolving the self in the waters of the perceived,

Only poetry is spoken...

Though it may sound like madness...

Only poetry...

However broken and disjointed it may be.

Darkened, we walk
   a wheat road
to unraveled destiny

    We who have loved
      and suffered
    We who have become
       these mirrors
        
                  Broken
         under the weight
        of axles burdened

Similar smiles and
shining teeth say
                       this
  
                      It can't be
                                        far off now
Look to the horizon
    for broken promises
and side to side
    for the real show

We know the path
   we walk is a
downhill tumble
       but the air is still
       and the earth
             it rumbles

If you write stories

create a new world
and fill it with lovers
and heroes

and heartbreaks

Take us away,
                         make us care


If you write poetry

forget everything you know
and play with language
like a child

plays with building blocks


Build us up,
                      and break us down

I am home
this blood and
flesh my vehicle
my temple

Move me past what
my eyes discern
to be (w)hol(l)y illusion

  My
     terminal
          is truth

Shining
         Luminescent
                     Undeniability

      A home among
                          the stars

Fire

         has overtaken the town

and now
bangs on your door

         Demanding recognition

Come play us a tune
       as the world burns

Come play in the wicked
streets and sing with
                      the children

Who have
                  run away from
                       their homes

Who don't weep, for
when they left they
were either very angry
          
                   Or on fire

What good is a smile
      in these times?

Can it slow the flames
   that lick at your door?

Can it bring us rain
    to save our lives?

My nightsong, what used to be your home
                                                       in my head

Is now filled with ghosts and webs
I sing to the midnight highway traffic
And the stars hang low to hear

If there is a constellation for me,
Come down now
              
                and share this cigarette

Come down and tell your story

I've paced these halls
Between worlds

I've spent my last dollar
On cab fare to see you
                   When the sun is rising
                   and no promises are made

                               So come now,
And tell me why i've felt so old
Since that equinox when I
Looked into my head and
                           Found the gods

When I ran to you racing the dawn
Only to find an empty apartment
And I tried to summon you from
                                         The ether,
but couldn't

So instead I wandered the town,
Bought cigarettes and flowers,
Finished that book I was reading,
And made a few phone calls

That's all I've been up to since then,
Doing the chores, passing the time
Telling everyone that you'll
                                      be back soon

But you still haven't come home,

And I've been waiting
                                          like a widow

gone through
                with dry fingers

the scent lingers
                        on my pillow
                 long after you've gone

I wish your
               pale winter skin
                                   would remain as indefinitely

Gratefully dead. . .

For the price of living

Far outweighs

The cost of death

I touched divinity once

and it's still in here somewhere

hiding underneath

my flesh and bones

I sit in silence, trying to bring the
spirit down to meet me face to
face, so I can shake the hand that
made me

I sit and listen for the voice, but
my tarpaper heart keeps singing
in my ear about all the love its
found... it sticks to memories and
grows with every smile and
                                    gentle sigh

This heart of mine remembers
everything and reminds me of the
times when I was pure naked
awareness...
                        I try to get back there
but I am stuck remembering and
grasping at the past which I forget
is still here in front of me, the
newborn babe of the present
which everything has conspired
                                            toward

I sit in silence and remember what
it was like to bathe in the ocean of
souls... to see all of life in the water
of the clouds
                           before I had a body
          
                                            I was this

A river, uninterrupted and
                                           unending

I would be content



      to make it to



      my dying day



successfully-       and emerge



                               to find out,



                                      much to my surprise-



                        That nothing at all



                                      had changed

the beauty brought a tear to my eye

when you clutched my arm and said you loved me. . .

a lonely soul couldnt ask for much more

I step out into the night

To watch the train go by

. . . Boxcars out of the darkness

And then it's gone

there are days
             that I fly out the
                             top of my head

and float above
                            the world
                            in the stillness
                            of space

-watching my body move,
                              and talk,
                              and feel

and all the little people
around are doing
much the same

and

they think
they
are
alone

now i wish
that my pillows
would stop
smelling like you

because you're not here
and you won't be
anytime soon

Stone Arch Bridge

Dreams and sings

above the constantly

flowing water


Downstream

Always downstream

I walk slowly

and look at scars

from past lovers


"It was so good to be in love with you"

back when we knew who we were


Names come and go

but Love Lives Forever

This is the future



We hold the world



       in our hands





The truth bites us



       in the third eye





And leaves



      a bittersweet taste



                in our mouth





There's no beauty



       When you're not around