It hurts when i breathe
It burns when i see
All of me-

Ashes scattered to the sea

No matter the pattern
You wear on your sleeve
I fall down dead
And wake relieved

Ashes, ashes
It's all ******* ashes

this house we've built,
The bodies we put inside,
Nothing stays alive

This feeling of godly emptiness
Will pass

The feeling of my hand on your back
Wont last

The past is here
Along with the next
Phrase i speak
Between nicotine therapy

The future is here
With the king and queen
To let loose a vermouth mixed
Drink of the unseen

The obscene lingers meaninglessly
With the scene

With the invisible host,
The holy ghost

The most i could ask
Is to feel the ground beneath my feet
Once more

To unlock familiar doors
In familiar places

And to greet familiar faces

I dont know you yet
But i knew you before

I dont know you yet
But i love you all the more,

For our cause and effect
Is defecting to the raw rocks
And wrecks
On the distant shore

Tell me once more,

Did i meet you just now
Or do i remember you from before?

Oh, my heart
how did you find me in the dark?

Was it the stark white
shine of my bones
through my chest?

I wasn't really trying to do a
"Someone stole my heart" cliche-
                      It just fit in that way,

and I'm not sure if I'm saying
what I need to say or just
rhyming needless words and verbs
like needles swimming threadless
in something they never meant to sew

So, here we are.

I've done my best to stay hidden,

I've ridden inky tides
on moonless nights

Lost fights with myself
and won a few

And for a while I smiled
When I thought of me
and didn't think of you

And it was fine,
so fine

To live like someone
who hasn't had their head
cracked open by primordial
forces and the odds
of gods and goddesses

To be honest,
I never thought I'd promise this

But to you, my nameless, shapeless
faceless, fateless companion. . .

I'll walk with you forever,
even if we never get back home

and I won't accept a stand-in

Though we stand on the shoulders of giants

We still reach

For there is always new fruit
And never an end to this tree

This is why we love and fight
This is why we birth and ****

We will become the giants we will
Or die at their feet as feed

My nightsong, what used to be your home
                                                       in my head

Is now filled with ghosts and webs
I sing to the midnight highway traffic
And the stars hang low to hear

If there is a constellation for me,
Come down now
              
                and share this cigarette

Come down and tell your story

I've paced these halls
Between worlds

I've spent my last dollar
On cab fare to see you
                   When the sun is rising
                   and no promises are made

                               So come now,
And tell me why i've felt so old
Since that equinox when I
Looked into my head and
                           Found the gods

When I ran to you racing the dawn
Only to find an empty apartment
And I tried to summon you from
                                         The ether,
but couldn't

So instead I wandered the town,
Bought cigarettes and flowers,
Finished that book I was reading,
And made a few phone calls

That's all I've been up to since then,
Doing the chores, passing the time
Telling everyone that you'll
                                      be back soon

But you still haven't come home,

And I've been waiting
                                          like a widow

You were good at
                                               flying                      
                                                                ­                away

                                           ­                                     I lay flat
                                                            ­                    against
                                     ­                                           the
                  ­                                                              ear­th

The day the sun scorched
                                                     your                
                                            ­                                 wings
                                                           ­                                y
                                                               ­                                o
                                                               ­                                    u
                                    
                                                                ­                                       f
                                                               ­                                      e
                                                               ­                                       l
                        ­                                                                 ­               l

                                               ­                                            and I was there
                                                           ­                                      to meet you

                                                            ­                            We can rest now,
                                                            ­                                                 love.
          
                                                                ­                        We can rest               
                                             ­                                                           forever.

Toe to tip
This empty vessel
drip drip into the infinite

Blue sky day dream

Simple powers unslip
Dot eyes cross hearts
and hope to live

With the oh no
Magical wonder we grow

With a tip toe past the sphinx
he asked a riddle that none could adore
lost his nose and he hoped for more

Rip the great veil
Shimmering lights behind
No wonder we lose our minds
Caught in the act of a story unfolding

With the oh no
Magical wonder we grow

And have you found it?
The secret that hides in cedar
The ones you want to meet

Behind the great veil
Emotion wrapped up in time
No wonder we lose our minds

To the oh no
Magical wonder we grow

Whispering moonlight
silence black night
A scream folded origami tight

So close
my moonlight
Repose
your dark fight

I'm cold
with feet still running

Soap my scratches
white flame my matches
my soul folded origami tight

so close my moonlight
repose your dark fight

I'm cold
with feet still running

so slow my branches
decay my dampness
blue skies they glow electric white

We haven't come too far
from those drunken nights
on the floor, eating gummy bears
infused with *****

or from stickering everything in the kitchen
so we know what names to call the appliances

         Not too far
         from those times spent
         lounging around the bedroom

         a dozen of us, head to foot
         and everyone toeing
         the border between
         honesty and vulgarity

Some hung like a tapestry on the wall
and some sat watching ****
in the corner

while the rest passed a bottle around
and smoked with the window
constantly open

         We haven't come too far
         from the late night
         liquor runs

or from smuggling bottles
out under our shirts
after-hours

Or from smuggling flasks
in on free pool night
when we were too broke
for ***** or fun

We haven't come too far
from spilling drinks
by the jukebox

Or going out back for a smoke

      Not too far from
      cleaning up the house
      after a party

      and throwing another one
      to celebrate

I walked the path that wound
alongside the river

It was along this bend that settlers had their boats
dashed on the rocks by nature's unexpected fury

I wanted to see the river,
these rapids that turn the world,
this reminder of earth's power

So I stepped off the path
and headed down the bank
over rocks and bushes

And aside from the static white noise
of water, the first thing to greet me
at the edge was a cross

Two simple sticks, with a ribbon
draped over its outstretched arms

The unmistakable symbol of a life lived
and a life lost

The only thing between me and the rushing water
was this
               monument
                                     to
                                           mortality

For some reason
this terrified me more
than any man-made disaster can

This was nature,

Pure and indifferent

My mind wandered to the obvious void

This space that used to be occupied
by a living, breathing being

Someone with fears and joys of their own
Someone who had seen things and known people
Someone who had stood where I am standing right now

But who were you?

And who missed you?

What was your name?

What did you love?

Did you fall?
Or did you leap into the waiting arms of the river?

Were you afraid, as I am, standing here
just inches away from something that can't be controlled?

I have so many questions that will never be answered,
except by the deafening rush of water, and the

Cold spray of mist at my face

draw back the curtains
so the windows are certain
the sunlight spills across your face

and run to the river
where we used to live
and i will meet you in that place

and i'll never break your heart again

a full bodied springtime
the trees know my crime
and moonlight is on the air

their branches are burning
the footsteps are turning
a slow night to be fair

and i'll never break your heart again

i stayed up all night
i hoped that i might
prove myself to be true

but the lilacs have heard me
and the brick house assured me
that all they talk about is you

and i'll never break your heart again

got the lights on in the middle of the night
i can taste sorrow in my teeth
where you tongue used to be

its not my job to say whats right
but your love is such a burden
it'll chase me to my sleep

singin songs to **** the time
and the clock is overbearing
its a ****** in my eyes

fillin glasses with my shine
packin up my bags with stones and seashells
and a notepad of my rhymes

i'm goin too far
i'm runnin to my car
and i'm swallowin the gasoline

I'm breathin deeply
i'm wishin on a star
and i'm pickin up a high school dream

I'm not about to call your name

The lilac trees across the lawn
beckon me with their breath

The stars so clear above me
and the cold brick wall behind me

All seem to remind me of you

If you write stories

create a new world
and fill it with lovers
and heroes

and heartbreaks

Take us away,
                         make us care


If you write poetry

forget everything you know
and play with language
like a child

plays with building blocks


Build us up,
                      and break us down

I touched divinity once

and it's still in here somewhere

hiding underneath

my flesh and bones

I lie awake

Shaking your chemicals
out of my system

like a lovesick
fiend

now i wish
that my pillows
would stop
smelling like you

because you're not here
and you won't be
anytime soon

i'll be there when paranoia eats you alive
you karma stricken beast

when loneliness is a plague
on human hearts
and frost tipped branches
come to claim you
and wrap you up
in their casket embrace

that's what you get
for living the low life
and caring for nothing
but yourself

no love
no pity
nobody

Blue and green

madness

of Spring


Your windblown hair
                 is the clarion call

resounding

tones of earthbound angels

sounding silent trumpets

night time, I should feel sleep
in my bones

but instead they ache with tobacco fever
and alcohol dreams

can't quiet the mind

can't be still

Light flanks the snowbanks
my memory thanks the simple soundscapes
of textures closing in
as walls and ceilings
and snow and sleet

We can blame the weather
but we'll be here forever
cursing ourselves
mid-stride

Stopping motion
mid-explosion

a simple thank you from the
particles we've denied

All things moving outward

The molten core of earth
Our mother

Chaos empty space
Our father


     Standing, surrendering.
        The weather tethers at my veins.
     Pushing.   Pulling.
             My emotions run high with the hopes of a new sunrise.

     Guide me,
          show me,
                 lead me to the holy water you sip like its never ending.
     Show me the truth behind every iris that passes my curious glance.
          Breathe in this cold sterile air while we dream of something tangible...

     Strange winds come on strong in the heart of the mislead, the outskirts.
                We thrive on the untouched surfaces of the mind..
           We breathe in the discomfort...


This is the nothing substance
I'm looking for

Seeking ever leaking truth
of faucet water too heavy

Minerals come to life
and return to the ground
in the instant of
midair waterfall

Weightless feeling fateless
determining the future
on solid ground grasses
fishing baitless

naked sameness

emotion

motion

ion

on


     Seeking direction in the wake of misdirected affection.
                                                     Faulting to the backbone of habits.

     Falling faster, I pause in the balance catching my breathe.
                                         I inhale everything surrounding my mind.
                         Exhaling all my simple poisons.
     A detox of wandering souls and singular holes.
     Eating.    Feeding.    Breeding.
             Filling all this space for all those after me.

     Fill me.
        Fulfill me.
     Accept the darkest crevasses of this mind.
                                                  I still turn a silent shy cheek...


Sea oh double
em oh en

Common ground
from the firmament I send

Confusion permanent
in an ocean

Oh see an end

Painless drifting aimless
seeking searching
for the seam
into which this world
is born

The lifeseeking thread that never ends

The bloodborne
pathogen

Of caring void
and emptiness

Caress you like a stone

Forever there

In the loveliness
of human hair

Saying, I was there

When emotion became
the firm ground
never sinking

Thinking of the way out
but never escaping

Mountains around
an ever growing feeling


     Drifting aimlessly into the empty serenity you present so pleasantly.
              Once again I slide further from comfort and balance...
                     Feeding off any sense of insecurity.
                            Craving that whole duality of my circumstance...

           I keep treading the muddy waters I choose.
     My body gets trapped in the
                                     sticky egos and messing misunderstandings,
                                                                                         in which everyone laughs away.

     I'll schlep the dirt from my soul and shine light once more.
            Exhausted and tried.

                                      Ill shine...


Your light
is not lost to
my dilated eyes


     It's lost in my own lost hope of withering dreams and lost star seeds.
            It falls away in every cold shake I make within whiskey's withdrawal.
                 It fades away in the simple staggers I make and unfulfilled chances I take.

     But, not all is lost.

     I still keep this little light of mine.
     I still let this light shine.

     I'm just a little more aware of the spaces it awakens and the souls it helps take in.
  
          It's ever shifting in this cosmic wake, it hides, it shies, it cries.
                    Like me, it knows when to pipe the **** down and listen to the world.
        Listen to everything it allows.

     It hears souls like you.
                                 It feeds me.


Feedback,
I've got my need back

Shaking like a lovesick
fiend

On every letter of your speech

I'll filter this wormhole
off kilter
into every relationship
in front of my eyes

Until we meet again,

I won't stop telling stories
of jackals speaking english

To fetch our sweet meat
from top shelves
and ruins

Blue and bruised
flesh alludes
to stories unspoken

and broken glass
dreams of unity

Bottle falls

Slow motion

It all seems
like a dream
in endless blue
love tokens

I lay here

    and
           feel
                  alive

with the dead flies

stuck in the chandelier

She claims she's broken

choking on the last words she said to him


All her life is but a dream

and no one knows just what it means


To hold this broken beauty in your arms

if only for a moment


And in that instant,

all of these ancient feelings

come flooding back


All the hurt of past lives,

all of the attachment

and passion

of returning to love


All of the times

we decided it'd be best

to put our brains in the bottle

and contain our ways


The feeling stays awake

in the form of

diluted memory

and bruised skin


The feeling stays awake

like I do,

lonely as the night


The only living thing

born dead


And it feels just right


The feeling stays awake like I do,

all night,

thinking of you

and your poison stare


Let me swallow you

and burn my throat

on your existence


Let me close,

if only for a moment


Let me in,

I promise you'll enjoy it


Since all we want to do is forget,

And bite our skin

with frozen passion,

we'll give up


Surrender to the dirt brown

carpet on the floor

and lay there forever


Since all we want to do is forget,


"Only for a moment"

Is all we'll get

I know it's not just a fiction,

this thing, we see but seldom recognize


This isn't my creation,

not yet, not quite yet..


It's an unspoken love for what kills us,

this touch unseen with roses and smoke


The winter melts away,

and reveals our armor to us


Spring comes

and makes us want to cry


This is all I've wanted,

this recognition..


I won't let you sink,

Won't let you go under


Not so soon,

we haven't reached our destination


The summer sun comes to show us,


That we're all just walking each other home

the beauty brought a tear to my eye

when you clutched my arm and said you loved me. . .

a lonely soul couldnt ask for much more

O, Goddess

So intricate

This world I see

Sprang from your infinite giving

I am at home in you,

Everything I see.

Help me put the pieces back together.

gone through
                with dry fingers

the scent lingers
                        on my pillow
                 long after you've gone

I wish your
               pale winter skin
                                   would remain as indefinitely

A drunk mind and a heavy heart combine here
sifting through visions of smiles and tears
unique to our years, we've been here all along

We've imagined a song unsung
we've exchanged these words unspoken
through the silent stares and precious glances

A flame dances through the night sky,
I take a drink and wonder why
it seems like nothing's changed*


[Sunday, March 21st]

Spring came and opened my eyes
to new streets on which the numbers
sang and everything made sense for once

I saw your face for what seemed like the first time

the books on my shelf had rhythm and rhyme,
I saw your face for the first time

I was born there in that bed, howling  with a desire to not exist,
I find it odd that it should come to this

Howling in the night, laughing, crying
Running through the early morning mist
With visions of a new day

This isn't the way I had it planned
My legs feel new on the ground I stand on
but this isn't the way I had it all figured out
in my head

It's been two years..
It's been an eternity..

Things made perfect sense once..
And then never again did I see such unity
in the passing of notes,
the passage of time,
and the love unseen by human eyes

I just want to see that perfection,
once more, before I leave this world

I want to see your face again,

I want to go back to that place where
everything made sense,

But you weren't there,
you were the many pages lining the walls
of my catacombs,

You were the twilight between the night and day,

You were the crumpled sheets I curled into,
crying, and wondering what I did wrong

You were the music that woke me up,
I opened my eyes for once,
and saw the spring time for what it was

All the work we had done in silent
through the winter nights
was for naught, she came
with gifts that can't be bought

I started smoking again that morning,
the first day of spring,

I decided that I should do what I want
with this new life of mine

I walked the city streets,
smiling, and waiting
for sundown to come

So I could see your face
for the first time

Labradorite and northern lights
give motion to
sights unseen and sounds
heard in dreams

It seems I've been here
before, on these worn wooden floors

Neon lights beckoning me
through the next
                                 open door

I've been here before

My eyes have been sore,
looking for the prize in the lies

-Grab a rail drink
               for the times

I've failed too many times
to think that the rabbit
beats the snail

in the race of life

It's love, lust and strife from where
                  I'm sitting

and listening to my tongue
                         on the knife

and please don't be disillusioned
                           if I cut you

It only means that I love you

An all-white angel approaches

A pale-armed Athena to dress my wounds
in sympathy
                         She cannot stray from her war

For it is what she loves,
                                           and what she loves
                                                       is to burn
          
                               with an intensity reserved
                                              for the start of
                                          
                                something new

A clearing away of
                                     tired wisdom

Today, she runs her fingers
through my wild mind

Tomorrow, she walks alone
through sun scorched dirt,

              dry as the oldest bones

Everyone is *****, and no one
                  can escape the dust of time

But once in a while, she lets out a smile
                            that makes us feel new
                                            and clean

                                      like her

                        shining
                            ­          ivory
                                                 skin

I just dont know what to do with myself when the days seem too familiar.
                                                       ­                               
                                 ­                                                 Everythings a little brighter,
                                                              bu­t the sunlight makes my shadow darker.

The average things bore me,

                                                      and as much as I love being anywhere, anytime...


I don't wish to appreciate mediocrity...                           I'd much rather pay tribute                    
                                     ­                                                          and enjoy the great moments
                                                         ­ 
                                                                ­                                                          that make me wonder
                                                                ­                                                                w­hat exactly it is that I am.


The times where I stand up on two feet and it feels so strange to be a human, so new.

The times when I lose myself in music and become it, through sound and motion.


                                                              ­        (I look down from above and smile inside)


There are times when I get into perfectly absurd conversations with homeless madmen,

                                                        ­                                             and we understand each other
                                                                ­       for a single tick of time next to a no parking sign.

I light his cigarette for him and we both fail to understand God, but we still stand
                                                                ­                                              in perfect confusion.

We prophesize, hypothesize, and then, like lighting, something comes and sweeps me away from the scene, and I'm lost again,

                                                        in a flurry of passion and perceived progression.


There are times when my heart is nearly bursting, flooding out to the world with the invisible blood
                 that flows  
                                         through every man,  
                                                          ­                       woman,
                                                                ­                                     child  
                                                       ­                                                             and tree.


This is when I feel the weight of the world on my chest,
                                                          ­            I get choked up
                                     and leave the room to get fresh air.

This is when I look into the eyes of another human and I see something new.
Something that wasn't there before,
                                                                ­ 
                                                               ­       and I can just feel the balance of our similarities
                                                    ­                                                                 ­                               and differences

and I can't help but wonder whats going to happen in the next ten seconds.


There are times when I come into the scene unprepared,
                        I improvise and stumble through my lines,


My blocking is off, my motion is absurd but somehow the show goes on.

The play of life never ceases to amaze the players


(who think they know what the play is about
                                                      but in reality
                                                      the audience is casting their vote on how it all will end)

These are the times when I feel something ancient, something timeless,
                                                                ­                                                       still present.


The source of the moment stretching back millions of years only to show up in a crowded room
                                                            ­                                                      in new clothes that fool the eye.


This guest is ever present, even if we refuse to approach and say hello.


These are the times when I can't look away from  what's in front of me.

                                                                ­                      
                                          ­                                             [ The light in your eye...

                                                               ­                          The simplest motion...]


These are the times when I lose control of my limbs
                                                 and let the music of the cosmos move me.


I'm a slave to light and sound, attracted to shiny objects and mystery.


(I could fall in love with you in seconds,
and never return to my old life again.)


These are the times when I feel so old but so new, a child in the womb of the world,

                                                         ­               imagined by an old man looking back from the grave.


These are the times when Love speaks to me as an entity, assuring me and chasing away my fears,
                                                          ­                                                                 ­                     
                                           ­                                    Saying-


"I am present in everything, everytime, everywhere-"


"-I am the life within death-"


"And If you truly live once,

feeling the weight of every mistake,

learning the lessons of this life,
         and losing yourself in all its passion,
              
               you will come to know me-"


"And if you truly live once...

                       you will live forever"

Subconscious typing. Stream of Consciousness. Type streaming from source, rhythm or no, just keep typing. Fast fast fast. You can edit later.

Say what you mean, honesty really is the best policy

Make things disproportionately huge & cosmic or tiny microscopic personal. Be the soul telescope.

Relate to memory,  good times/bad times, unrelated action

Relate to the body/senses

Evoke ancient names and memories of forgotten gods

Appeal to primal self/instinct/latent human reaction to symbol & stimulus

"News from the edge" -- Report from the edge of the universe, tell the folks at home what's going on at the source

Praise things often, condemn things when they deserve it

WRITE

(The following was written under extreme duress, within the usual conditions of life and death.)*


Look into the night and pick out the brightest star in the sky.
Once you find it, do not let it leave your sight. If you must venture indoors or underground, do not let it leave your mind.

Once under the influence of said star, allow it to think through you, and record these interactions on paper; written in sand on a beach next to the ocean; scrawled on walls with black marker; or stamped into hearts using blood for ink.

Leave these messages laying around in places that the heavenly bodies may look down and catch them with a glance, or throw the loose papers into the wind and let them travel where they may.

Once a soul comes into contact with such energies and becomes fully entranced in dissolving the self in the waters of the perceived,

Only poetry is spoken...

Though it may sound like madness...

Only poetry...

However broken and disjointed it may be.

I spent a lifetime learning,
yearning for the closeness
of another human body
pressed close to mine
for a time

Craving the touch of skin...
The smell of hair in my face

And the
s p a c e s
shared between fingers and toes

The small things sing
and the big worries are left behind

-I rewind-

And keep writing til I know what I'm feeling

Keep drinking til I know why I'm reeling

From the years and fears and
I know why it turned out like this
but I don't know how it'll turn out
                                        in the end,

but I'll be waiting there my friend

With modern recepticles for
trash and noise and
everything will go in its proper place

I'll have a filing cabinet for a face,
and my sense are all the paper places
                                                I've been

[And I will remember your knowing stare
                                      The touch of skin...]

                                There's no game to win
                                            ...No race to finish

Let go of your fur coat, dear

Drop your necklace in the gutter
and leave your heels on the sidewalk
for the next lonely soul to fill

With another night of the mayhem of existence
and things we couldn't wait for

Broken glass on the floor
and dust on our ears

Hearing new things
as they arise

I keep my stones in my mouth
so I can shine when I spit em out
and give em out to the people
that make my dividends
feel equal

I only stutter when I speak
and these days
I've been speaking like a freak
who's seen things you won't believe
I need to get these dreams off my chest
and into the realm of thoughts redeemed

I sought your steam
rising steadily
and I know the waters clean
but I never thought this
cycle would be able to
show you what I mean

When I say

I've been down this road before baby
and theres nothing you could say to me
to make me change my mind
Either you're mine
or there's something else
you need to find

And I've climbed my mental mountains
and I've drained all of my lakes
Looking for you,
Queen among the fakes
I've laid down with the snakes
that say its not worth
the trouble it takes
To get to better seas

Still, I enjoy the journies
for the memories they make
and all the sins I commit
for heavens sake
seem to bring me here to you

It must have something to do with the stars
or the stones or the time spent alone

Telling myself, I know my soul is
in here somewhere

Somehow, I'll know it when I see it
and recognize myself in someone else

[You]

Myself in someone else

[You]

Myself in someone else

[You]

Milleniums shredded into moments

Decades wound down to a single second

and I've only just found my sound
and addressed it

Like it's the only thing that could save me
and the little things could put me in my grave
But my hands are nothing without the hope
and faith that somehow something good
is happening somewhere

Maybe it was a long time ago,
before the lizards crawled out
from their ocean soul

Maybe it was the first time our eyes met
and didn't leave their place in space
for hours, and we were transfixed in grace
and drunk
on the holy spirits
of whatever we could find
lying around

Back when I was happy enough to just sit
and hear the sound of your voice
and somehow it validated every choice
I've made and it honestly seemed
like things would never be the same

Remember...
                        A precious glance is never
                              left to chance
            
                         And a touch is never forgotten
                              by the mind of the skin
                                     or those within

And if dreams are just things that we
see when we shut our eyes,
then this must be a dream
cause it still shines when I'm blind

And when I can't see I can still
hear the sound of your voice

And when I can't hear I can still
see the noise

When I can't see I can still hear the sound...

Lets tear this house down
and build it up from the ground

I sit in silence, trying to bring the
spirit down to meet me face to
face, so I can shake the hand that
made me

I sit and listen for the voice, but
my tarpaper heart keeps singing
in my ear about all the love its
found... it sticks to memories and
grows with every smile and
                                    gentle sigh

This heart of mine remembers
everything and reminds me of the
times when I was pure naked
awareness...
                        I try to get back there
but I am stuck remembering and
grasping at the past which I forget
is still here in front of me, the
newborn babe of the present
which everything has conspired
                                            toward

I sit in silence and remember what
it was like to bathe in the ocean of
souls... to see all of life in the water
of the clouds
                           before I had a body
          
                                            I was this

A river, uninterrupted and
                                           unending

I may be timeless and without bound
but I am still bewildered in every body
I take on, and all I'm ever sure of
is what I am

A combination of every song I've sung
and every word I've read

I am everybody I've met

I am the one who believes in she
who shakes mountains

The one who makes us move
and dance on our fears

                               [She is the one who makes
                                 every step we take
                                 land on hallowed ground]

I try to remain in her grace
as long as I'm floating in space
and when I'm not there
                                           I am in the  nowhere
                                           of          my        mind
                                           imagining the future

and when I open my eyes
the present bursts through
to meet me

The Golden Lotus - Reflecting light
                                         from all hearts

I look inside and realize,
my body is hers

The one who
shelters us from the cold
and brings
thunder in the summer

She sets us free
and lights fires in the eyes
of those who see

and when she's gone,
she's the wind
rushing through
the city streets

headache headache
I kinda feel like I'm dying
here with the carpet
actively hurting my eyes

I've got more tremors
than a kevin bacon movie
and I really feel that I should stop drinking
100 proof alchol

is that how you spell it?

dumb dumb dumb
brain lost traction
on my body last night

I woke up with a hurt heart
and didn't know why

late for work, almost crashed my car
into the ditch every time I looked away from the road

Gratefully dead. . .

For the price of living

Far outweighs

The cost of death

I've grown accustomed to the feeling
of never being able to rest

I fall asleep, troubled
and wake too soon
to the dramas
of life and death

[I thought I transcended
this a long time ago]

but, surprise!
there is more to learn
more work to do

There is another corner to turn
that will give me better grip,
[i tell myself this and believe it]

all of this is for the best....
the way I get caught up
every time a star shines
brighter than my soul

I forget everything and
I am one in the light
and darkness
again

I am an innocent child
in the arms of the mother
once again

Hoping, Praying
that the goddess will
wake up
to a new world
and claim an equal throne
to stop the destruction and madness
of the martian mindset

This red stained rusted map
proves nothing

All the warrior needs
is love

And we will give it
selflessly

So that maybe, like them
we will stumble across
the reflection of ourselves,
as honest and true
as possible

And we will not censor
ourselves, through
brightest light
and darkest dark

We will not hide a single aspect
of ourselves

and I will gladly admit that half the time
I am a demon
Born of pride and power

And half the time
I try to find my wings
and live beyond the limits
of what I see in front
of me

I never believed my eyes
. . . not once

But I always believed
that
these chaos nights
of liquid despair
and makeshift relation
meant something more

I always held the belief that
I'd get where I was going
regardless of distraction

But now I'm not so sure

Because now I feel the pressure

of eternity in the checks and balances
of the dual toned grid
in which we all lie down
and sleep
in silent surrender

resigned to my fate-
I am the child
throwing his hands up
in the air

I am the moon
surrendering to the sun

Singing,
               "this little light of mine
                was never my own
                                  to shine"

It always belonged to the future

The dead souls

The great sages
and fountains of wisdom
that the world has yet to see

For she has yet to birth them

And she has yet to feel me. . .

The goddess of ideals and perfected imagination
who will wake up as I do

And look into my eyes

And realize

We've both been dreaming
for far too long

I step out into the night

To watch the train go by

. . . Boxcars out of the darkness

And then it's gone

Listen to the dogs bark
Watch the lights turn on and off
Feel the dead streets flourish slowly

[A drink and a smoke
And it all makes sense]

To let my enemies devour each other

Let them devour themselves

While I flourish

It might sound conceited
but there is nothing in this world
more powerful than
a person who is
above all
their own person

And *******
I've got enough Me
to go around

I try to **** my ego
but it comes back twice
as strong
and for twice as long

I try to remember
that I am nothing

and I know nothing

But it's hard to admit
your own weakness

When your heart
is on fire

Alternating baskets of good fruit and bad fruit
the seeds are what we're after
and all we ever wanted
was a tree

to come to time after time and
have to call our own
the fruit is sweet as wine
intoxicating as sweet time

taking us away to a different place
while the world moves past us
outside the window of the car

it never feels as fast as it is

we slow down to accomodate
the feelings we're feeling
the dreamings we're dreaming

and the road keeps insinuating itself
under our wheels

another day
another dollar

and we hope the destination is worth it

I'm just trying to find a ride to work
so I'll have something to do today
and something to drink in two weeks

I suppose that's the farthest I'll look ahead from now on

That and the party that I know will happen on
such and such a date

Two weeks spent waiting
and slaving
for a paycheck trophy
that opens up the doors
of the convenience store

And I'll move in among the crowd
Purchase an egg sandwich
and a pack of smokes
and go along with the eternal drama
for one more day

I'd love to be on the outskirts right now,
when I have to do the grunt work

I'd love to be on the edge of the galaxy
watching it all spin and spiral
from afar

Appreciating the grand scheme of things

[This is key to my existence]

and I can easily get caught up
in the stubborn sighs
and drunken claims

but at the end of the day
I sit, and I wait

for the master plan to reveal itself

for the chance to say hello
to the person I think I am

for the chance to fall in love
just one more time

for the ocean to swallow me up
and tell me it's okay
to feel the way I feel
and that everything I do
is for the best

and I'll be nurtured by waves so sincere

and I'll be sure of myself for one more day

and I won't **** up the master plan
with incoherent human ramblings
on destiny and the way things have gone
and will go in the future

Do me a favor dear,
don't listen to a single thing I say
because I don't know a thing
and I know it

Just rock me to sleep so gently. . .

So slow that neither of us notice
the motion of the earth
spinning through space

So slow

that everything stands still

and I can finally rest

These days the cold
doesn't seem so cold

I still feel it, but I 've learned
to enjoy the feeling
of cold air in my lungs,
punctuating the
drags on my cigarette

                    This time last year I
                    was trying to drink
                    myself to death

Now I drink to mock death, and I'm
                    sitting in the corner with a notebook
                    and a whiskey
                    listening to some country band play
                    songs from sixty years ago

While so many of my friends are quitting the drink-
I guess this business of dancing with death every night
isn't for everyone. . .

                                   But the morning keeps coming
                                   with bright lights to
                                   hurt our eyes and
                                   clear our mind

And we keep on with the same old dance
Round and round, you step left, I step right
and we joke about how nobody here
        really knows what they're doing

And we all just keep on dancing

I am a snake
    winding my way
     to my destination
     shedding skin
along the way

It keeps me sane...

I push my mind
    to different places
     at different times
    in accord with
a rhythm only i
can hear

If I stay in
  one place
too long
    
The
        karmic
wind
         comes
howling
               in
my
             ear

Saying,
             "Go. . . Go"