I’ve decided to give up searching for the one meant for me,
Because if I don’t stop, I will never be able to be happy.
No one will ever take the time to get to know me, no one will ever take the time to understand,
And because of that, now all I’ll be for the rest of my life is a lonely man.
I don’t ask much at all of anyone,
All I really want is to truly be loved by someone,
And love them, too.
But it seems as though this dream can never come true.
It isn’t really that important that I’m happy,
I just want everyone I care about to be.
The problem is, I get my heart broken every time I place my faith in a girl,
And make her my life, my whole world.
I’ve been through enough pain in my life, right?
So why do I still have to put up with this fight?
I guess the men I am isn’t good enough,
I must not be made of the right stuff,
Because no one seems to want me,
They don’t even want to know me
And that just makes me see,
Just how important I must be.
All I want to do is hold her in my arms,
And do everything I can to keep her out of harms
Way.
But that’s something that I cannot even say.
Because I know that I’ll get yelled at,
Because I’ll be told on by some rat.
One that only cares about destroying peoples lives,
And making unfaithful all of the men’s wives.
I’ve got so much love in my heart,
But I know that from her, I’ll always be apart.
I sure don’t blame her,
If roles were reversed, I’d do the same, that’s for sure.
Now I just don’t have any idea what I’m to do,
Because it seems as though I’ll never find a girl to whom my heart is allowed to remain true.
It just makes me so sad,
That I don’t have any room to get mad.
I feel so depressed,
And on top of that, I’m so **** stressed.
Plus, I feel like such a fool.
To have ever thought that I could be cared about by someone so beautiful, kind, and cool.
So what I am to do now is something I do not know,
I have no idea which way my life is now suppose to go.
I just feel like such a ****,
Because she was the only reason I loved to work.
But now I don’t have really any motivation,
But I don’t have anytime for procrastination.
Because my life has been o hold far too long,
And if I waste anymore of it, it’ll be long gone
So now I have to find something else to motivate me,
And continue to be the best I can be.
The only problem is that spending time with her made me a better person
.Now that I know she doesn’t care like I thought, I’m no longer able to be that person.
That’s okay, though, because she is such an incredible girl,
That she could have any man in the entire world.
But that isn’t who she is,
She isn’t into taking everything of his,
Breaking a man’s heart,
Or trying to tear his soul apart.
I’m not really sure what else to say,
So I guess it’s best to end it in this way:
Love for her would’ve been number one on my list,
And to her, never would I ever raise a fist.
To her, I would be honest and true,
And never would there ever be anything she could do,
To cause me to ever shun her,
And of that, I am one-hundred percent sure.

I have no idea what to write
For the first time since I began poetry.
All of the thoughts inside of my head,
Are as clear to me as a pitch black night.
A night void of stars and the moon,
There is no sound,
And not a soul to be found,
Save me, all alone.
This is how I am all of the time,
Except when I am with Kristen.
I’ve never wanted to be with anyone more,
She is the only light in my dark, dark world.
The problem is that I don’t know,
How to show her that I care,
Without freaking her out and making
Things harder for her than they already are.
All I want to do is be able to hold her,
Be with her,
And tell her how much I love her.
I have made myself so vulnerable to her,
That she could take my very soul,
In the palm of her hand
And extinguish it totally and completely.
It would be easier for her to do so
Than it would be for her
To do anything else.
She knows that I care,
And that I want to be with her,
But she has problems of her own
And I don’t want to add to them
Anymore than I already have.
I am inexperienced I this area,
I don’t know what to do.
All I know is that I hurt
When she does;
It’s hard for me to breathe
When she is not there by me.
I constantly think about her
And if she is well and safe.
I wonder around purposelessly
In my life regarding
Anything but her.
I want to change everything I am,
To suit her wants and needs.
I want to give her everything that I have
And be everything for her.
I want to hug her,
Hold her,
Kiss her,
Be with her,
Love her.
I am so confused
By everything that’s going on
And it doesn’t seem to be
Getting any better any time soon.
It’s all my fault for
This pain I am in.
I am a fool,
For thinking I could be everything for her,
When she is the one I am now dependant upon.
My mind is going so fast
That I can’t even understand
A hundredth of what
Is going on inside of it.
The little that I do understand
Is so painful that I block it out.
What I do understand is this:
I don’t deserve her,
It would be better for her if I let her go.
All of my pain is struggling to
Escape and I fear it soon will.
My carefully crafted personality is
Crumbling beneath the weight of everything
That is going on in my life.
It seems as though my entire body
Is tearing itself apart
Mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally.
I am trying to take on the pain
Of Julie’s and Kristen’s
Because I care so much,
And that is the only reason I have
Lasted so long.
Taking on their pain
Blocks out the pain I am going
Through and insulates me from the real world.
It seems as though things can’t get better
Because they have become so terrible.
My life seems to be ruled by pain, anger, and sadness.
I still don’t know what to do and no matter how hard I try,
It feels like I can never succeed
But I can only fail miserably.
I cannot give up, though,
Because that would give Julie and Kristen
Permission to give up.
And they cannot give up
Because they have a chance to do
Great things in life.
I don’t understand why I am so
Influential on their lives.
I am such an insignificant being that nothing
Would change in the world
If I had never came to be.
I have affected people’s lives only for the worse
By bringing my problems and putting them out there
For other people to see.
I have made my problems
Other people’s problems and I can no longer
Continue to do that.
My conscious will no longer
Allow me to destroy everyone’s life
The way I have been since I was born.
It must end now…..

From the day I was born, my life has ******.
For the longest time, I had no hope, I knew I was ******.
Then, I met someone and a shred of hope was found.
Together my fate with her was bound.
But I was too afraid of change, so I pushed her away,
But, like a good friend, she cared about me no matter what I’d say.
Then, I caused her more pain than anyone could bear,
By fabricating a lie so horrible that forever would she have it to wear.
Torn by betrayal, anger, loss, and guilt,
Around her mental barriers she built.
She vowed to never again trust another,
Not even her wonderful mother.
While I, spiteful as could be,
Laughed, and enjoyed her pain greatly.
Farther and farther into her shell she would recede,
While I continued to marvel at what I could achieve.
Then came a second wind, and with it I felt that which I could not name.
I began to fell empathy, guilt, disappointment, and shame.
And even though I fought all those feelings,
It was evident that I was experiencing a multitude of healings.
However, the healings took far too long,
Because all of those I cared about, her included, were gone.
I thought about what I had done day after day,
Until I finally realized that I could not make my past go away.
I forgave myself and moved on,
But the consequences of my actions were far from gone.
I know that I am a good person now,
But to convince others of that, I don’t know how.
It seems as though people enjoy spreading rumors about me,
But I think it’s the pain they cause me they love to see.
However much pain they cause me, I will not return the attack,
For if I did, into my own self, I would go back…

You really don’t know me unless you can see,
The raging jealousy that is inside of me.
Some people love and many more lust,
But I really am looking for someone to trust.
I want to be with a girl and never fight,
Yeah, I want for us to be really tight.
I see a lot of guys getting with girls for a one-night-stand,
And then there are the girls “meant” just for the band.
I may be smart,
But that doesn’t mean I know where to start.
I’m a genius when it comes to school,
But when it comes to girls, I’m a fool.
I may not have a ton of money,
But get to know me and I’m quite funny.
When I see a couple kissing,
I have no idea what I’m missing.
I feel as if there is a hole in my heart,
Because I am so far apart,
From my one, true lover.
I’ve never had a significant other.
It really is a deep, deep pain,
And because of it, I also feel a great shame.

I miss the freedom to do what I want,
Even though I have never truly tasted it.
I miss the taste and feel of your lips on mine,
And the warmth of your breath in my mouth.
I miss the feel of your body against mine,
When we hold each other.
I miss the look you give me that tells me how much you love me,
And the heart-stopping smile you give me.
I miss the feel of your hand in mine,
When we walk side-by-side.
I miss your voice and the sound of your laugh,
Whenever I am trying to be funny.
I miss just being with you, knowing that you’re there.
I miss all of these things, and more
Even though I get them almost everyday.
If I had just one wish,
It would be for us to be together,
Whenever we wanted to be,
Without having to worry
About people trying to
Ruin what we have between us.

I am Dustin Glen Kohman.
I am a good friend.
I wonder about a lot of things.
I hear voices.
I see people.
I want acceptance.
I am Dustin Glen Kohman.

I pretend not to care.
I feel sad when I am alone.
I touch the hearts of others.
I worry about everything.
I cry when someone breaks my heart.
I am Dustin Glen Kohman.

I understand myself and others more easily than most.
I say what I want, when I want.
I dream very seldom.
I try too hard, sometimes.
I hope for things to come.
I am Dustin Glen Kohman.

It hurts sometimes when I think about you,
Because, right now, I can’t be there with you.
And it hurts because I know when you ride the bus, at you people swear,
If I were able to, I do everything I could to keep them out of your hair.
You are such an incredible friend,
That I hope our relationship will never end.
I want to be you forever,
I would love for us to grow old together.
And if I’m going too fast, please let me know!
I want to go at the speed at which you want to go.
I want to tell you, you’re the one I care about,
A, please don’t shut me out!
If you don’t like me that much, that’s okay,
I will still pray for you everyday.
Anyone who knows me can quickly find,
That when I am looking for character and faith, I am far from blind.
Now that I think about it, you found me,
And that was the greatest blessing from the Lord there ever could be.