the night makes me calm
i can hear the soothing rain
it's christmas very soon
a day to look forward to
a time to celebrate
a time to start fresh
make changes in life
hoping the new year is nice

you said
i was crazy
but that
it was good
you said
you loved me
for crazy me

why did it have to change?
i know people change
and things re-arrange
but we fall apart
so much
along
the
way

18 years of age
already on edge
suicide on my mind
death in my thoughts
i'm wasting my time
but i can't die
people need me
apparently?

school seems like so long ago. i miss the one i called my ''best friend''..
we sat together in every class, exchanged notes every time we were bored,
always got told by the teachers to stop laughing and to pay attention.

everything was lovely. and then school came to an end,
and we both took a course in childcare, hoping we'd be close.

then, we drifted apart. she had her new friends..i was alone.
it's been years since i've last seen her. i miss her a lot.
things like this, you can never really forget.
i know people change and memories remain,
but it doesn't make it any less painful.

never knew i was so easy to forget...

the same thing always happens and it just hurts.
it's one of the reasons i write.
i write to feel something.

i don't write about people for no reason,
i write about them BECAUSE of them.

it's not always negativity,
sometimes it's the opposite.

sometimes, i praise them for being in my life,
and at times, i write about how they just ruined me.

poetry is meant to be full of emotion..
otherwise, it would be empty words.

writing happy poems isn't my thing
i'm better at typing a poem
which is saddening

bitter and depressed
i guess i feel empty
lost and confused
without someone
here to love me

i like being in bed
it makes me feel safe
keeps me out of harm's way
but i'm still stuck
with an overthinking head

still, can't be worse
than a stained face
mascara panda eyes
or something else

cold English day
same as any other
no sun in the sky
today
the days
just get
colder

i remember december
of last year
your words, warmer
than the summer
of that year
you were so warm
and now you're cold
you still display charm
even when cold as ice
it seems like a
lesson learned
makes me
think twice
when i come
into contact
with a
loving
spirit
a lover of life
a believer of hope
makes me want to reach high
in order to achieve as much
your strength inspires me
it always has done
it's quite tragic
how things
change

sticking by you
is what i'll do
even if it means
that i break in two

it's all for you
this poem is true
my love is for you
my heart is yours to keep
hold it in your hands
please feel for me
what i feel for you

don't fall in love
with a fragile poet
if you're going
to break their heart

it's all in the smile
it's all in the eyes
dancing in the dark
feeding the lies
dwelling on us
on dear love

broken and damaged
repairs are expensive
the pain is hard to manage
just too painful to swallow
no amount of bandage
can fix this heart of mine
the damage has been done
and this is what i have become

nothing hurts more
than knowing
that you
stopped
caring

such a shame
you were everything
a friend i trusted
a girl i cherished
a girl i loved

above all
you gave me hope
it just *****
that it was false

some songs are unbearable to hear
they remind me of you
when you loved me
the previous year

some movies are hard to watch
they remind of the romance
we once used to have

some poems are hard to read
they remind me
of the one
i used to call mine
the one
who ultimately
left me to grieve
the loss of us

the few things that used to bring me happiness
they now seem to bring me pain
all i do is cry tears
again and again

people say your name
and it's like a bullet
through my brain

people call you my 'lover'
and it makes me want
to dig myself a grave
6ft under

it hurts thinking of you
it hurts dreaming of you
it kills me thinking of you
loving someone else
because that girl
or that guy
has no idea
just how blessed
their heart is
to be loved
by the one
i love the most
the one
who left me
hanging on
like a ghost
too afraid
to enter
the afterlife
because of the one
they didn't want to leave behind

can't get you out of my mind
i feel so ridiculous, so blind
you've got this hold on me
and i don't want to be set free
this love is worth the pain
hope there's something to gain
apart from a torn heart
scattered all over the place
trying to create a new start
hoping it's worth all this

fragile like a tea cup

i am a girl of many flaws
but above all
i had the
tendency
to over-love

i tend to think
of others
before
myself

it was something
that ruined my health

i feel so ill
poisoned
by my mind

overload of thoughts

what consumes my mind
is tearing apart my life
but it's not like
i ever truly lived

i am forced to breathe
my body won't **** me
it will not let me
use a blade
to set myself free
it will not let my heart
lose touch with it's beat

i read old messages for endless hours
why? because i miss what was ours
you were my very best friend
you were my soulmate
i hate how we let it all
simply go to waste
haven't met you
in the flesh
but i want to
next year
i want to see your face
and hope feelings re-appear
i want to feel your warmth
and just see you smile
it would make me glad
even for just a while
you are the one i see
when i look at the stars
you are the one i seek
every single night
i always wrap up
in a blanket
wishing it was you
holding me
instead of it
every night
same old thing
i miss your texts
i miss your everything
i miss you and i miss your love
you still fit me like a glove

a part of me wants to hurt you
break your heart in two

my tears stopped
the day i realized
how much
i was
worth

if i can't be your world
then you don't deserve
to receive my love

my loving heart
has a lot to give
but unless
you prove
that you can
take care
of it

then...

you clearly don't deserve
to hold it

sadness is a numbing sensation
leaves you emotionally frozen
you never know where you start
you never know where you end

it makes you lose touch
with yourself

it drains you so much
of everything you love

as if self-destruction
wasn't enough
it makes you crave
to bleed out
all of the
bitterness
inside

scars remain
on your skin

love remains
on your lips

memories stain
and leave a trail
of where they
were last seen

i write about you
for days on end
although it's pointless
i think you're worth it

i can't sit and hide
what i feel inside
so i'll let myself write

i may not be perfect
i may not be smart
i may not be talented
i may not have the greatest heart
but ****, i am the best you'll never get

i gave you my heart
i gave you my world
but all you did was abuse it
what is wrong with you, girl?

i wrote you letters
i bought you flowers
but hell, i am done
being run over
by the one
i love

you say we're friends
but what the hell is this?
you ruined our friendship
took it for granted
honey, you left it

i am so done being pushed
way over the breaking point
all you did was leave me scarred
now i'm left with a broken heart

this is me venting
this is me hurting
this is me saying
i'm done with
the games
and the lies

friends are for life
aren't they?
no, lies
they take everything
and then throw you away

i am done pretending
that you mean nothing
because you are everything

would have posted this
on my facebook
but you'd read it
i don't want you to
you'd just comment
or like it

haven't you caused
enough damage?

spent years trying to love you
but now i am through
say goodbye to me
we are nothing
but history

no more tears at night
no more scars made
no more trying to mend
our friendship is done
you ruined it this time

longest poem of my life
and it's based on us
the tragedy which was our love
our memories, our time
our years, our hearts

you ignored my text
saying i missed your face
how did you think i'd react?
not in a way that's nice

my heart is bleeding for you
all the **** you put me through
how could you do this to me?
i did nothing but love
ever so gently

you're a heartless body
i deserve better
than to be dismembered
by a love who didn't love me

take your love, take my heart too
it means nothing anymore
you already broke me
there's nothing i can say
there's nothing i can do
except feel sadness
over the fact
that i have to
leave you

i need to let go
before i die of this pain
i won't be your friend tomorrow
it would sicken me to death
and **** me inside again

holding back tears
as i write this
never thought
i'd say these words

my heart is breaking
wait, it's already broken

i apologize to myself
for all this
never should have loved
but we all deserve
to feel like we're worth
the world

saying you broke me would be harsh
but you did make adjustments
to me, myself and my heart

distance makes no difference
it can't make me love you less
if anything, i love you more
than i would have done
if you lived close
you are captivating
from miles away
my heart is melting
when i hear your voice
on the phone late at night
your existence
makes me feel
so much more
alive than i
ever could
have imagined

next year, I won't be there
to speak to you when
you're utterly bored
I won't be there
sending you messages
only to be ignored

next year, I'm breaking free
going to try and find
a love that's right
a love that is worth
all my time

next year, i'll have no valentine
i'll be all alone, again
i will have to witness
guys buying roses
for their girls
and ladies
buying gifts
for special guys

the night is my dearest friend
it helps me breathe but then
4am draws closer in
and the buzz ends

the thrill of the night
it always seems to fade
as the morning dawns
makes my earlier bliss
made it feel like a charade

thoughts consume my brain
they affect my days
as well as my nights

friends don't understand
family don't give a ****
i am always alone
with my mind

always left
behind

security is something
my heart lacks
there's no
rewinding
back

my back is aching
my eyes are hurting
my throat is burning

maybe i'm getting sick
but i already was
of the love sickness

open relationships are pointless
like since when do you date
your friends?
i know i was one of them
but come on
since when
did you like her?
seeing your
relationship status
is quite bizarre
out of all the ones
you could choose
you chose her?

i mean, she's nice
like, i'm even friends
with her on facebook
and some place else
but still i'm
not sure
how to feel

there was this guy
who inspired me
once upon a time
he was the reason
i even wrote
my first ever
love poem
and at first
it was serious
and then it all
turned into dust
but i was stunned
infatuated for a long time
now he's no longer in my life
and i'm over the thought
of ever needing his embrace
or his face to kiss
met him 4 years ago
september 2009
fell in love
but turned him away
because love was a no-go

there's something truly nice with writing long, poetic notes
it makes the baggage easier to carry and manage
keeps you from further damage
to what is already broken beneath
and underneath the beautiful surface
as a poet, i've experienced a lot
as a young girl, i grew up fast
my childhood didn't last
had to be an adult
before the appropriate age
had to feel heartbreak
and sadness all over the place
i could feel an ache in my bones
a sense of sadness when alone
cried my eyes out at home
and hid the pain away
taking showers
to disguise my tears
hoping sadness would fade
wrote about love for hours
dreamt of you and my fears
destroyed myself to cope
pain changed my view on life
and the relationships i'd had
thoughts are like knives
stabbing me deeper
each and every time

that girl captivates me so bad
i wonder why though
she hates loving me
it hurts her head

she's so beautiful
hot is an understatement
so charming yet evil
but her love is worth it
if i'll ever get it
with the amount
of attention
from her
in which
i am lacking

there's nothing between us
except a broken kind of love
truly gives me butterflies
like an angel from above

she makes me smile
but can make me cry
she makes me weak
but can also make me strong
she can be the best
but also the worst

but...i love her

no words can possibly express
how much i love you
someone which
i should hate
but i can't