Tonight, he will probably go and get drunk
He will drink beer after beer, shot after shot
Until his vision is at the brink of extension
So much, that a girl from across the party catches his eye
And he will stroll over, spilling out his best pick up line all over her lap and she will laugh because he has always been able to brighten a mood even when he is intoxicated
And you will wonder if she looks like you
Wonder if her eyes are deep brown, if they flutter when he smiles, if they notice how beautiful his are
Wonder if he hair hangs long down her back
Wonder if he runs his fingers through it when they kiss
Wonder if he presses his fingers into her back like wet cement
Wonder if she had a bad after taste that left a bitter dryness in his mouth, wonder if he had another drink to wash it away
And as you sit on your back porch, letting the cold grip you in the palm of its hands, squeezing, turning you numb
You will drink straight from a bottle of *****
And you will wonder if this is how love tastes, after all

Recently I have been reading a book
It is about two people falling in love
In the worst way
They are playful and beautiful
They are simple and extravangtly in love
Although, neither say it until they break up
This book reminded me a lot of us
We were playful
We were so beautiful
We both tried so hard to impress each other
But there is something different about us
When she leaves, he tries everything he can
To get her back to him
Building bridges, sending flowers, showing compassion
Endeavoring with everything in him to show
There was a love there, if you looked close enough
When I left
You drew yourself away from me
And as much as I hated it
I tried to get you back
But you said no
And I sit in this imaginary story
about two people who couldn't make it work
Reading about how he tried
But thinking only about how you didn't

I want you and you want her and there is really nothing else to it

I want to fill you up when you are empty
I want to be the shore that crashes over you
I do not think you know how much I love talking to you
Saying your name, my precise tone and articulation
Spoken as if my lips are dancing to no music
Your beauty punctured my soul
I yearn to be closer to you but the same time afraid
But then my heart taps on the shoulder of my mind
Saying 'what is there to fear when love goes down so smooth'
Is it wrong to want to be centered when we are so unbalanced
I am walking into this knowing that the tide will overtake me but continuing anyways
You are the sweet whisper that is selling the promise of love but never actually delivering
But I do not care about your faulty misconception to what a token of truth is really worth
Play with my emotions like a child who has just received a new toy at Christmas
I know soon you will get sick of me and crave something else but I am willing to be thrown away if it is your arms that I am leaving from
I know it sounds crazy but I have discovered that you cannot call something crazy unless you have something normal to compare it to

Let's get drunk together
So I can kiss you
And blame it on the alcohol

You and I
We are indifferent
We are dumbfounded by feelings
We are two people in the same room with nothing to talk about
Confounded by misunderstandings
Believing the lies while choking on the truth
We are two people who never wanted to face the concrete reality
Always wanting the other one to speak up first
You and I
Sitting in silence

Some moments you can just feel, fizzling from out under like a hundred sparklers being ignited for a spectacular light show
"I know I have to tell him," she thinks, "Now or never."
After all there's nothing left to lose but an already fleeting night
She thinks dawn will reach the sky before she tells him
He looks up and smiles and in the moment he's so dear it hurts
She should tell him she still loves him but her lips cannot form the words
Sometimes we hold on to feelings and leave things left unsaid because we are afraid of what could follow
But change is inevitable and life is complicated but it is wild, crazy, and beautiful
So if not tonight, there's always tomorrow
Maybe she will tell him tomorrow

Thinking about love is like throwing thoughts into vast emptiness
I used to be a hopeless romantic but now all that remains is the glimmer of love that has fallen out of my chest like a dot of glitter on the ground that catches your eye, you may look at it for a second but eventually you will find yourself stepping on it

One who** kisses but never actually touches lips
One who hugs but bodies never truly embrace
One who says but never does
One who fractured my conscience
One who never even noticed

The most horrifying thing
I have ever discovered
is that the way he feels about her
is the same way I feel about him

Raindrops think they are flying until they hit the ground
Soaring like an eagle, oddly in love with the feeling of going down
But hitting bottom is like no other disappointment
When morning comes you will realize
You were not flying at all, you were descending
Sliding down a rope of oxygen and demolishing at the impact
The concrete will never feel so cold
And you will wonder why you let him slip into your sheets
Keeping you warm, soaking yourself into him like wet cement
Only until he climbs out
And you will have to act as if it were only a change in weather
A punchline that you saw coming
Do not look eager to hold him again, if he felt the same
He wouldn't have gotten up in the first place
I am only a raindrop
I used to think I could fly until morning hit
Sobriety found its way in and the hangover was nothing like this emptiness
I have hit the ground and now I am only hoping to evaporate again
And fall into every piece of air that you blew into me

How beautiful it is to stay silent
When someone expects you to be enraged at them
How beautiful it is to laugh
When someone thinks you are going to shed tears

I am doing everything I can, not to love you
Convincing myself that I do not need you
Failing to do so each time
I am doing everything I can, not to love you
Searching ruthlessly for pieces of myself that I have lost
Writing about how I do not need anyone to fill me
Drowning in this agony trying to remind myself that I know how to swim
I am doing everything I can, not to love you
But I cannot help myself
I am endeavoring with everything to keep myself away
But I cant
I am drawn to you like a sinner seeing the light
I am pacing myself for the fall
Assuring myself it won't hurt that bad
Dragging my feet backwards away from you
But you are a magnet and I am only a piece of metal searching for something to attach myself to
I am doing everything I can, not to love you
But frankly, none of it has worked
And for that I am sorry, both to you and myself

In life, we often decide things for ourselves
things that were never meant
for us to handle, something we can not reach
We make decisions based on what we think is best now
but in the long run
you have laid down glass for yourself
and your bare feet

You will not expect it
You will be out with friends
When the news of her existence accidently spills
All over your barstool
Do no wipe it away
Let it tear through the leather,
And stick to all of those who choose to sit there when you leave
You will want to down three more shots of cheap liquor
Then three more, as many more that you need to throw up tonight's words that climbed out of your friend's mouth and into your shot glass
You will mumble regrets into the toilet bowl as your liver aches because it is your punching bag in times like these
You will want to call him and will go as far as holding the phone in your hand with his number dialed by memory
Do not call him
He does not want to hear your drunken proclamations of amour
He does not care for you, no matter how many times your heart has tried to convince you that he does
If he did you would know it because the small things would be the obvious ones
You will wake up the next morning feeling fatigued and cold but though you are in agony you will look forward to more alcohol
Because the burn in your throat is an easier pain to bear than the thought of him kissing someone else
Reality laughs at your consistent attempts to run away from it
And will always be there, standing in the door way the next morning

The ocean to come people is seen as an enemy
A vast area covered with salt water mysteries
We have not discovered all that is hidden beneath its thresholds
Oceanic breaths pulling in innocence
Their mothers tell them not to swim out too far,
Do not dare go where I can't see you honey
The ocean is filled with hundreds of thousands of known marine life forms, there are many that are yet to be discovered, some scientists suggest that there could actually be millions of marine life forms out there
We, as humans, are so fearful of the unknown
Fleeing from an form of uncharted findings
We run from things that we have not yet given names to
Breaking waves roar for attention, sometimes names will never be enough
That is the hardest thing to learn and the least taught
The ocean does not push away intentionally
Waves may crash over you but it will always apologetically draw you back in
The taste of salty air will engulf all of your senses
You will feel as if you are drowning but the water is only merely covering your ankles, you will be afraid, as we all are, feeling small-scaled and young
But panic isn't an emotion
And fear is not a battle plan
The ocean will hold you like the hemming in a backyard hammock
Wrapping you up until the smell of your mothers perfume fades into seawater
Filling your lungs, capturing, swallowing you whole
The tide will lace in your veins, you will try to erase all you have learned about the not knowing that lives within it
And suddenly, as time hangs suspended on the sunset wall
You will ask yourself, if people are so scared of the ocean
Why do they still swim?
Because love is stronger than pride
And some people will give anything
To be held
Even if it means drowning

Each and every time someone warns me about you
My heart tends to crave you just a little bit more
Each and every time

There's something haunting about you
I could watch you all day
And never get sick of it
Like staring at such an intricate piece of art
Finding new details with time and memorizing all of mixed colors that were used to create something so beautiful
Each of your breaths are fistfuls of stones dropped in my throat and anchored in my chest
The way you smile with such sincerity and light-heartedness like an innocent child
I know that you are no good for me
I know there is more to you than the precision that I see
I know that you will only hurt me
And I know that I should walk away before the ground crumbles beneath me
But there is a hope that you will be the one to catch me
Before I plummet
A hope I will hold onto until I fall

Time is a delicate advocate for pain
We say that it heals all wounds
We say that it opens doors
And we say that it closes them
Time is my only medicine
for a disease like this
I am cutting you off
Like scissors cute paper in
the old childhood game
I am leaving you here
before this burden gets too heavy
Already I find myself stopping
because of the overwhelming weight
My shoulders are abandoning their supporting bones
The blood is draining from my face
I find I do not blush in the name of you
as much as I used to
Time may bring these habits home again
but as of right now
time has delivered nothing
But time
is all I have

Come What May
I will always leave an open room for you
In the depths of my soul's hotel
The 'No Vacancy' sign will never be lit
I will always leave a room open for you
No matter how many come to my door
Come What May
The gesture of open hands will never grow old
I will not let you slip through them again
If you ever do decide to make your home in these palms
Come What May
My mind will grow weary and footsteps be miscalculated
I will soon grow unsure if I am walking towards you or away
I know that this is madness but
Perhaps there is nothing wrong with a little self-destruction
Come What May
Your smile will always be a masterpiece,
Forever painted on these walls
No other artist but God
I wonder how steady his hands were on the day he made you
Come What May
I will never bring myself to wash off the kisses you left on my collarbones
I will not tell you how I feel because you will only remind me of her
I cannot bear to hear another audible proclamation of her name
Come What May
If you must know, I do still love you
But I wish you the best and that you be happy
Despite the amount of pain it inflicts on me
Come What May
I know that if you are doing well
I will do my best to do the same

Fear sits in a chair across from me
Eyes peering through my skull
I wonder what he is looking for
My body tenses
A spark of tingling is lit at the tip of my toes
It climbs
Clawing at my ribcage, gripping my throat
Flooding my mind
As I try and convince myself that the wars in my head
are crafted from divine reason
My body tenses more
Fear, still staring, smiles
Because he's found what he's looking for
A face of boy, sitting there in the vacancy of my brain
And I would have cried
But I've learned that there is no use in getting your face wet
Over a silly, inconsistent boy

Something is tapping my shoulder
Telling me to look away
Telling me that it simply will not work
That even with everything I've got, it'll never be enough
But something else urges me on
As if you were the only one for me
As if you actually felt the same way
As if I could actually obtain such beauty
But suddenly the door swings off it's hinges and reality stands in the door way shaking his head
He knows that there is no such thing as second chances
He knows that I do not deserve something of such quality
He knows all of the things that I refuse to believe
I still love you like I always have
Like lighting the last match just to watch it burn
Like a little kid playing with fireworks, loving the sparks but hating the ending, always wanting more
Always wanting to hold the lighter but to afraid of the flame being so close
I am a runaway train headed straight toward you
Yet even with our head on collision
You still do not even recognize me
Something is telling me to let go
But everything else is tightening my grip

I do not remember how I fell into this
I only remember you being at the bottom
Of this hole

Loving you is like explaining where we store and access our memories
Like trying to describe what water tastes like or the color of a mirror
It doesn’t make any sense at all, it is difficult to decipher
Collectively bleeding from imaginary cuts that you do not even know that you gave me, you thought you did nothing wrong
Brushed away the uncomfortable silence on the car ride home
Listened to the humming of your engine as if it could drown out the sound of my heartbeat that quickened at every red light
I am not strong
I am all bark and only bite on accident
I cannot fight back because I am afraid you will abandon me as if you haven't already, I am trying to convince myself that you are still here
Is bravery supposed to feel like you guts trying to slide out of your fingertips
I am so scared to talk to you because I worry you will mistake my name with hers, I am worried you will do it on purpose
It is hard to speak confessions in other accents
So why am I trying to tell you I love you in her voice
I will stop bringing your name up in cups of coffee
Pour in the sugar, let it taste too sweet I will cringe at the bitter aftertaste
I know that this is not going to make me feel any better
I am pacing my steps trying to get away
Will not stop running until I stumble
My legs are crumbling beneath me it reminds me of your walk
How your knees grow weak at the sight of her
I am sorry I am not her kind of beautiful
Forgive me for loving you despite your love for her
And I will try to forgive myself for the same

I sit in a chair we once sat in together gripping the last pieces of our love in the palm of my hand
We slipped away like leaves on the side of the road
Too many others were flying past, pushing us into oblivion
We sat almost too calmly, rewriting the next chapters
Whiting them all out like mistakes we loved making
Starting on a new page would take away the memories
We brushed away the words like ashes that fell into our laps,
like spilled white whine
We did not believe the words
until we felt the dampness seeping into our jeans
I will never forget you
One thing is for sure, that even though one day I will be happy again and carefree and no longer crying over you
I will always remember your laugh
The way it slipped out, the way you lit up
I will always remember your eyes
The way they lit up like the stars we used to gaze at together
The way they smiled,
And the way they cried
I will always remember the way you held me like losing me was not an option
I am sorry that it crept in anyways
I sit in this chair, holding on to these pieces like you used to hold onto me, I am afraid that it is time to let these go too

Loving carefully
As if the world was holding
Both of your ankles
Ready to pull you down
From underneath
As soon as you mess up

There is a boy
He has velvet lips sweeter than honey
Enticing green eyes, shining like the full moon at the nights peak
His hair, dark and lustrous, has a sheen like fine hardwood
Like a waterfall of autumn leaves
His smile ignites a fire in my stomach, burning, growing
His aura is captivating, I could talk to him for hours
Everything about him grips my attention and I do not know how to get away and I am afraid to relive an unrequited love story
There is a boy
I barely know him at all
But the little things have always been the biggest
And maybe something so alluring,
Something that can mesmerize me this much
Well, perhaps maybe it was meant to

your embrace was so shelter-like that I felt
that if I were to fall, trip, stumble
I would remain in your arms
little did I know it was only the sweet beginning
of a lifetime of plunder
I'm sorry I trusted my body
inside of your hands
and let the bruises I've kept
tell the story of
a girl who was once innocent and unfamiliar with love
but is now picking up her mess
because she couldn't hold herself up

Laying with my body pressed against yours
Hearing your breathing sing in my ears
Like a choir in an empty church
An echo that keeps me awake
Holding onto every last piece of you
Memorizing how your chest elevates
How your brow curls when you're angry
How your lips form the half crescent moon when you smile
How you walk with such confidence and stand in such a way that makes people wonder why you would ever sit down
Your body is a sculpture that I stand in wonder at
The detail astounds me, I am in admiration of such artistry
You are so exquisite, I hope I can show you one day
To see yourself as I do

There is a boy
His skin is a warm dawn on the eastern mountains
His smile is the flick of a match in isolated darkness
He does not hold to the world, only the people of it
He cares for those with heavy hearts
But deep love is not one among his many skills
He never really fell, only tripping others to fall into him
I do not know how to leave him alone
So for now, I will wait here, collecting dust,
if only it means I will touch some of his particles that fall on the floor

So often we look behind us to check if someone if following
To check is someone is creeping
To check if someone is watching
Also common, we in front of us to see what there is ahead
To take a small peek at the future
To make advancements on your dream
Maybe it's time to look beside us
To see who are real friends are
To help those who are walking too slow
To help those who can't walk on their own

It is hard to explain to someone that you only fall for ******* guys who treat you like **** and tend to look at other girls while standing next to you not that you mean anything to them anyways
It is harder to explain to someone when the someone you are trying to explain it to is the someone that you are talking about

Lately, I have been discovering how to be happy
I am experiencing tiny moments of blissful peace
I am learning to stand without anyone else's help
I am looking beyond the ruins of my old habits
And heading straight towards the reconstruction
Making new blue prints now and using brighter colors
This process is slow, it's true
It will not be a quick recovery
Being in the dark so long, too much light can be blinding
But I am not turning around
In fact, I regret those times where I have chosen darkness
I have wasted too much time not being happy
But I have found that once you find real joy
It is hard to walk away from
I am getting better at smiling when people expect me to
And not wanting to cry as often as I did
My reflection is looking more beautiful than it has in a long time
I have discovered that the greatest beauty secret
Beyond make up and fitness and money
Is being happy
When you truly have something to marvel about
Your complexion clears, your eyes reflect light
Your smile is like the eastern sunrise that occurs after a long night of rain
So thank you to everyone who has helped me here
For picking me up despite my heaviness
Despite my occasional refusal to stand
Despite my sporadic mood swings where I am upset beyond real reasoning
Thank you
For not letting go of my hand as I swore I was fine
You will never truly realize all that you have done
And I don’t know if I ever want you to
Just know that I am thankful beyond all words

And after every drink
I stare at these empty bottles
Certain they are full
Of a poem about missing someone
Someone like you

Even when I am drunk
And I do not know what I am doing
Even when I cannot see clearly
Even when I cannot walk straight
When I am drowning in obscurity
And my façade falls on the ground
And shatters like a glass picture frame
Even when my blood turns thinner than water
Swimming in alcohol, wading in the diluted pool
Even when I stumble
Tripping over myself
I am a hand grenade
If you touch me the wrong way
I will lose it all
I will give myself up to you
Surrender like a body on a cross
Succumb to this eager craving
That only alcohol makes me acknowledge
Shoving it in my face
Reminding me that I still love you
Even when I am drunk
And I do not know what I am doing
Even when I cannot see clearly
Even when I cannot walk straight
I will always be able to run to you

I would stop smoking for you

I used to believe in love
But I do not anymore
Because of you
I do not believe in love, at all

Unzip yourself, step out of your façade of a body
Wipe off your coats of paint
I want to see every part off you that you hide from other people
Let me read your rough drafts and kiss your faults
Let your pride fall on the floor
Do no reach to pick it up instead reach out to me
I am holding out both my arms as far as they extend
And I hope that my arms do not detach from my shoulders
From the pressure my body is exerting to touch you
Do not shelter yourself from me, I am begging
I know that we are not ideal or perfect
But some of the best stories come from the worst nights
So let's write poetry together
With the way our bodies loop together like cursive letters
Copy and paste your old drunken stories onto the pillow case
Let me trace love letters on the back of your neck
Give you sweet bruises, and then paint over them so no one will see
I know, I know that we are not ideal or perfect
But do not leave tonight without us uncovering the reason why
we can't be

I often find myself wondering
If you have forgotten about me yet
If I am a closed history textbook after the year has ended
If I am the chapter in the book you skip over now because you know only useless information is provided
I wonder if you look at your watch and think back on the times we used to share
Wonder if you recall the late night phone calls
Wonder if you remember the sound of me weeping
I wonder if you ever think about how my lips would have tasted if only you'd ever gotten a sample of them
I wonder if the girl after me could satisfy you in a way you knew I never would
Your secrets are not sitting in the corner, they are in the light, I know how it feels to want to be filled up when you are so empty, I wonder if she did that for you
I wonder if you're happy that I am gone
I wonder if you wonder about me
About my happiness
I often find myself wondering the most however,
What you will do next
With someone else

I miss who he used to be
His heart used to light up with kindness
He kept sweetness in his pockets
He left each day with a mark on it
A memento of some sort of joy
He and I used to dance in the kitchen
He and I used to dance in the street
He and I used to really love
We were infatuated with each other's presence
He was always hoping for the light at the end of the tunnel
But now, he barely even recognizes how to light a match unless he is using to burn something
He is cold and I am sorry to say I ever loved someone like him
Maybe I changed him or maybe this was him the whole time
Both ideas terrify me
I am sorry for all that has happened
I never lied about him, or said any hurtful words to others
I told them that he was a good guy,
Still after all that has happened I endeavor to believe that
I am sorry for all that has happened
But that gives him know excuse to treat me like I am nothing
His words sting like a bee, I only use that analogy
because I am allergic to them
I often wonder, that even though he used to shine bright yellow, maybe I was missing the darkness
That also lined his skin
Maybe I was allergic to him all a long

There are the worst days
There are days when you want to fall to the floor, melt into it, feel each floorboard sink into your bones, feel your skin succumb to nails and creak when someone steps on your hip bone, feel it break just a little as the pain raises up your veins
There are days when you mind will disintegrate in the flames that are burning up your eyes, light a match just to watch it burn do not let go of it when it reaches the tips of your fingers, let the heat fold into your flesh
There are days when getting out of bed is a survival tactic because if you just lay here you will feel your lungs collapse on themselves, feel your breathing slow, let the ceiling fan spin in your head until you are too dizzy to remember why the day was so bad in the first place, feel your
There are days when you will want to give it all up, watch the smoke rise from your body, see the translucent form of yourself leave your room leaving the door open, hoping you will follow it but you do not, you never do
There are the worst days
But do not fear them
Because thought there are the worst ones
There are the best ones as well

I think everyone will in their life reach a point
Where the burden is too heavy for such a steep incline
When your insides churn and stir with every new assignment
When the flood gates of your mind are opened with every step
This world's gravitational pull suddenly is so much stronger
So we go and we let out our anguish, brushing off the demons that dance on our shoulders, releasing the clenched fists onto dry wall
Chocking on responsibility so you swallow it away with liquor
The bar stool you sit on is pulling at the black seems outlining it
The bartender is busy with orders, the man next to you has just taken off his wedding ring and you are only here to leak the stress out of your veins as your blood begins to drown in alcohol
Surrendering to another shot, downing it without realizing that you do not need any more because you can hardly mutter "Can I get two more?"
Never realizing, never tapping out, just losing yourself until the survival instinct inside of you convinces you to go and get it
So tonight, when the weight of this week begins to break your collarbones
Succumb to the wine in your kitchen
Succumb to the bottle of ***** at a party
Succumb to it all
Because that is the one thing this stress cannot stop you from doing, it cannot stop you from leaving it under the pillow
What you do determines your life
Do not succumb to sleeping with a boulder on your back

I'm a fool for falling for this
I'm a fool for thinking something so simple
Something so lazy and undeliberate
Could actually mean something
It was just a drunk kiss
Nothing special, nothing close to the proximity of feeling
A numbing passion, dull and mute
Forgetting it all because what's there to remember?
Nothing but misinterpreted shots and beers
Failing to recognize all of the flashing signs
I knew better but I couldn’t help myself
I've learned that life will toss you around
And then laugh when your hair gets messed up
Nobody cares for honesty after they show you what you want, nothing matters when looking at a perfect frame
Then you end up slipping in the exact moment you stop paying attention to the direction you're heading
After this there is nothing much you can do but crave the freedom you once tasted
Now, you cannot even begin to remember the sweetness
Only the bitter taste of you still in my mouth
And no matter the amount of alcohol I swallow
The burn of your tongue lingers eternally

I thought I was over you
Thought I let your name go out the window
Watched it disappear in the rearview mirror clouded with dust
But I've learned that when love leaves it does not always she the shotgun door on its way out
I have been trying to tell myself that the door was closed
By refusing to look at it
I haven't quite figured out how to love you  out of paper yet
Only because words spoken out loud can easily be mistaken as lies
My voice is like a volcanic box of chatter
I'm equivalent to spontaneous combustion
Spilling words onto this paper like smooth run cold conversations and blocks of ice in slow motion
I wonder if I miss you only because I cannot have you anymore
You have filled something in me that is still full even though you are gone
I know that this is ludicrous to feel all this after one day of seeing you
But there is something that triggers in my ribcage
With face to face contact
I am sorry for letting my love for you spill onto the floor
It never belonged there
I thought I was over you, I really did
But frankly, I am not

open up your mind
let all of your hidden thoughts
crawl out of the closet
and be set free for just a minute or two
try to remember the simple fragrance of desire
the constant craving kept a secret
until one soul became braver than the other
the beginning was calm and passionate
gentle and sweet
stage two
our bodies caressing on top of one another
turning back and forth
heavy breaths and open mouths
grabbing hard, kissing tender
never wanting to stop, never getting enough
you can hear your heart beat in your chest
and the flutter in your stomach is eternal
the feel of your neck and your hands down my back
until finally one kiss
then another and another
so addicting
then suddenly everything goes quiet, still
eyes closed, one deep breath
and one dark room filled with memories of a night
to forever be kept a secret

Seconds with those you love
are fragments of moments
you will always cherish
no matter the topic of discussion
no matter the setting
when you are with those that you love
it's all sweet

I still have not yet discovered how you managed to sweep up the most elegant constellations in the sky and paint them in the pupils of your eyes
I still have not yet discovered how you managed to steal every piece of my favorite poems and recite them into my mouth when we kiss
I still have not yet discovered how you managed to wipe away every sense of doubt I saw in myself just by simply smiling in my direction
I still have not yet discovered how you managed to control the rate of my heart beat as if every time you are around me you kick it up a few extra notches
I still have not yet discovered how you managed to make me fall so hard for you
I am still learning new things everyday
I one day hope to fully resolve that inquisition
Maybe then I will also learn why you do not love me

I hate the idea of death
That someone is here for one moment
with no idea
with no suspicion
Just living like they always have
And then their gone
with every dream
with every goal
All of it goes with them

If you would have asked me what I though love was a year ago
I would have responded with one word
"Pain"
Love is late nights and damp pillows
Something that you find in the romance of hazy coffee houses and broken cigarettes.
Something that you get burned up in
Something so unobtainable people crafted a word for it
Unrequited
Love is cavities, love is hurt
But then I came across a boy
Who is now starting to change my mind
He shows me that love is acceptance
Love is joy
Love is waiting by the phone, love is finally calling and hoping that they answer
Love is a shared song that you can both cry to
Love is comfortable silence
And now, as I think about it more
Love is beginning to look
Love is beginning to look a lot like him

isn't it scary how easy it is for people to lie
for their tongue to twist and send out words
that look like broken telephone poles
how open mouths became more important
than the words that were coming out
but yet every time you would lie to me
and I saw that your words looked
just like cracked sidewalks, like broken trust
I still tricked myself into believing
that you would never lie to me
because I
*never lied to you