Every painting starts with a white canvas
Threaded blank pages layed out and begging for color
A tool dipped in dark blue
Brushing on a dark sky, yellow making stars
Swirling constellations into words for astronomers to write about one day
Adding in flaming orange to represent the sunset that has now faded
But never washing the brush clean and they call it fresh
There are some paintings that never are seen
Imagine the most beautiful piece of art
And realize that there may be one out there you have yet to discover
Think of your love life this way, as I have been trying to do
Though you have seen the outline of their body
And the way their hair burns in the sunlight that leaks through the window, open blinds letting in flaming gold
It reminds you of their hands
How they drip chrome raindrops all over the canvas of your body
You will feel beautiful and as if no one has ever truly been such an immaculate artists in sketching escape plans on your back that you thought were future paths you two would walk together
Realize that there are other artists out there
You have not seen the most beautiful piece of yourself yet
Because a true artist never hides his work
Every painting starts as a white canvas
So wipe yourself clean
And wait for someone who does not use old brushes on new paintings

It is hard to explain to someone that you only fall for ******* guys who treat you like **** and tend to look at other girls while standing next to you not that you mean anything to them anyways
It is harder to explain to someone when the someone you are trying to explain it to is the someone that you are talking about

Do not mistake his small acts of flirting for affection
Remind yourself that he does this with everyone
Do not stop reminding yourself until you believe it
Guard you heart
Do not let him hear how loud it is beating when you lock eyes with the moon
He has fallen in love with everything but you
He is only trying to get to manhood a little faster
Do not mistake his small acts of flirting for affection
Remind yourself that he does this with everyone
*Do not stop reminding yourself until you believe it

I AM LOSING MY MIND OVER YOU AND I AM DROWNING IN THIS CONFUSION AND I HATE YOU FOR DOING THIS TO ME YOU *******

I want to leave this dark bedroom that you have locked me inside. You told me that this was only for one night and I knew you meant it, yet my heart stepped out of my ribcage and onto these cold white sheets we layed in and declared you wanted me for more than just for a few hours, that you did not mean it. When you did. Proclaiming coyly and discreetly that I do love you despite my drunken misdemeanor. But still you walked out in the morning (like I knew you would) with vague memories of last night's sweet disaster without ever unlocking the door. I knew all along at that is was haunts me the most. Now all I can do is search for a key or a gun to set me free. I will use whichever I find first.

I've learned that when someone asks you if you want to watch the surise, it is not because they have never seen it before, it is because they have never seen it with you

I know it is foolish of me to want love after all I've done
I've betrayed past lovers with the lies that seemed reasonable enough to believe
I've doubted every relationship I've had
I've lost touch with authenticity and now my soul aches to touch some something real
Anything that is certain, anything that is palpable
I crave affection but I lose hold of it as soon as it boils over because I am afraid of being burned
I have been trying to conclude why love is such a tough subject for me
Trying to figure out how something so beautiful can be so ugly in the wrong light
When did black and white become so grey
There is no intermediate in love
There is no middle road
There is one path or the other
You can be infatuated with every person you see or be hopelessly devout to a single person
There has never been an effortless love story
I know, I know that is it foolish of me to want love after all I have done
But I've noticed that no matter how many cavities you have, it does not make you lust after sweetness
Any less

I want to know what it is like to fall in love with you
So we look like lovers on television screens
Let me read between your rough drafts
Maybe walk around, my hand in yours, falling in love under the silver circle
Intoxicated by only your kiss
Making it long and sweet and so cliché
Carry me up the stairs
Come to me like an afternoon
Slowly and in fragments of a sunset on fire
Cupid didn’t have an arrow large enough to fit this love so he high jacked a plane and flew it into my chest
The sound of your name is like a sip of alcohol to an AA member
I want to think of my favorite picture of you, only to come to realize that every picture of you is my favorite picture of you
If I could read your mind I would not invade you privacy
I want to know what it is like to fall in love with you
And for you to follow in love with me as well

I have forgotten all of the arms I have lain in
I do not fully remember the tastes of lips
Or the temperature of warmth some have offered me
I do not fully remember where the lines traced on my skin are
Or where they lead to
They are a road not traveled by many
I have forgotten the small love affairs between the coffee shop worker and the glimpse of a boy I once loved in my dream
I am forgetful of many past lovers
But never forgetful of you
I have memorized the geography you sketched on my back
I have been searching for your degree of heat, though I have not found one that can compare
Your taste lived faintly in my mouth
Digging under my tongue
I am not in love with you, only the way you can hold me up when I am broken into pieces that do not fit together
I have forgotten multitudes
But I regrettably cannot seem to erase you
From my mind

When life throws you in the water
Do not be frightened by the storm
Remember you know how to swim
Remember that getting the wind
Knocked out of you
Is sometimes the only way for your lungs to realize
That they like the taste of air

The monsters in my head are scared of love
They tremble at the thought of arrows
They are fearful of any romance
Though they are strong and frightening to many
They cannot bear the thought of something else entering my mind that does not cause their kind of pain
You see, love is gentle with the way it hurts you
It is like unraveling rope
You do realize that you are going to fall until the thickness of this cable is only a thread
The demons in my head simple rip the floor from underneath me
They do not slowly pull or pull me in and them push me off
And I do not know which I fear more
Someone who abruptly drowns me
Or someone who pretends they are teaching me how to swim

My skin trust his fingers
Like the spider trusting the shoe
While it is on its way down to crush it
I know you are no good for me
But it is so comforting to know
That someone wants me
Even if it is only for tonight
While you are intoxicated
And you do not know what you are doing
Because, though, it sounds troubling
There is hope that you will remember it tomorrow
And maybe not regret it

I too often find myself being sad
Feeling the weight of it sit on my shoulders
As the ground begs me to succumb to it
We are always allowed to joke about being lonely
But never taking a step further into it
Because no one wants to hear about your pain
There is no real interest in other people's desolation
Consigned to oblivion, treacherous waters
So tempting to go for a swim
Dancing in the rain until the flood waters drag me away
I have never felt such force pushed against me
Until I experienced you walking away from me
There is nothing more heart-wrenching
Than losing a love that never existed to them in the first place

There are advantages
To isolation of romance
And anything regarding emotion
But at the end of the day
Despite the thought of freedom
And repetitive reflections of past discomfort
It is challenging to lay alone
Slowly becoming accustomed to a bed to yourself
Realizing the new space and profound independence
But I will always miss the warmth of a body
There is something captivating about flesh on flesh
Body on body, enveloping each other in balmy breaths
Tangling legs like tired shoe laces
Wrapping tightly, pushing away the thought of anything else
There is something peaceful about that
Though cold sheets are refreshing
Warm bodies are reassuring
There is something about the way it feels
The way their chest rises when they breathe
Not even realizing how you have memorized how it elevates
There is nothing more tranquil
I know that living it up and being free is wonderful
Never taking the risk of heartbreak is solacing
Doing what you please, when you please is disentangling
Absence of amour is sometimes divine
But every craves affection intermittently
Even if they do not admit to it

I often wonder
That when you are drunk
Do you crave someone
Or do you crave anyone

She's young and confused
Her mind is hazy and her decision making
Has not yet matured
So she downs a bottle every night
Making herself numb
Never tapping out, just blacking out
Feeling that if she feels nothing
Maybe she will feel something
She loses her stability in drunken obscurity
She loves being drunk because
All of the guys are drawn to her
She feels like she fits in
Because if a boy seemingly likes you
In that state, then maybe that was the new cloud nine
They don't know she is confusing
This flirtatious intoxicated brush of the lips
She is confusing this with love
She loses herself like she always does
Because she's just waiting for someone to give it up to
The next morning has never been so cold
There is something about falling asleep to someone
But only waking up to a dent in your mattress
And she will never learn
That you will never find someone
While looking at a blurred picture
There is no clear answers
Only assumption
Do not search for your prince charming in a bar
Because it is too dark to see his face
And you are too drunk to realize the risk
You are about to take
And you think
It is only a kiss
But it never is
And it never will be

Love as thin as water
As bitter as gasoline
As numbing as anesthesia
As calming as ocean tides
As captivating as the night sky
As addicting as chocolate
As addicting as it gets
Love for me, has just been alcohol
Because it is the only love
That somewhat loves me back
And if not, makes me believe it anyways

Alcohol condones such sweet behavior
The way it lets you teach me something new
Lets your lips dance on my skin
Sends my body into ecstasy
The sound of your breathing
Resonates through the air
And seeps into the cracks of the walls
The way it collides with my skin
And buries through the flesh
Whisper passions in my ear
Like waves whispering on the shores of her children
Trail your fingers down my back
Engulf me in sin
No boundaries are drawn in liquor fantasy
The moment between each breath
Carving sweet drunken memories on my neck
Succumbing to your every desire
I know I should stand on my will
But you asked me so nicely
Turning one way and then the other
Falling inward towards the center of this spiral
Leading to such peaceful sleep
The way your snoring claws at the silence
Your burnt out taste has never felt so divine
Leaving numbness on my tongue
With the constant, reoccurring thought
I never want to leave this bed

I want a love that
Light up the night sky and puts
All of the constellations to shame
I want a love that
Does not falter when we fall
Though love sometimes hurts
There is nothing that can break this
I want a love that
Endures every hard time
That walks through battle grounds
Hand in hand
Conquering it all together
I want a love that
Dances on my lips
Sings on my skin
Traces maps on my back
Discovering new beauties
On each other
I want a love that
Grows
Stretches, flows
Like a spring stream
Racing each other
But keeping steady pace
I was a love that
Glows
Fireflies envy this sparkle
The one in your eyes
The one in our kiss
I want a love that
Makes me want to stay in bed with you
That carries me up the stairs
That spins me around, stumbling in the refrigerator light
That helps me do the dishes
That wakes me up each morning
I want a love that
Has you in it
I want a love that
You want too

I miss who he used to be
His heart used to light up with kindness
He kept sweetness in his pockets
He left each day with a mark on it
A memento of some sort of joy
He and I used to dance in the kitchen
He and I used to dance in the street
He and I used to really love
We were infatuated with each other's presence
He was always hoping for the light at the end of the tunnel
But now, he barely even recognizes how to light a match unless he is using to burn something
He is cold and I am sorry to say I ever loved someone like him
Maybe I changed him or maybe this was him the whole time
Both ideas terrify me
I am sorry for all that has happened
I never lied about him, or said any hurtful words to others
I told them that he was a good guy,
Still after all that has happened I endeavor to believe that
I am sorry for all that has happened
But that gives him know excuse to treat me like I am nothing
His words sting like a bee, I only use that analogy
because I am allergic to them
I often wonder, that even though he used to shine bright yellow, maybe I was missing the darkness
That also lined his skin
Maybe I was allergic to him all a long

I have an addiction
Though I hate to admit it
And cannot audibly say this
I have an addiction
I know the consequences
And I understand the risks
Though walking on a tight rope
Has always been more exciting
Than walking on a bridge
And I figure it always will be

I hate to think that I need alcohol
To be confident around you
Without *****, I am only a coy maiden
I am fearful and tread backwards, never stumbling
I cannot trip and fall into you if my blood is only blood
This bitter-sweet poison helps me strip off my coats of paint
Freeing my inner goddess who is much more amorous
She is painted beautifully, she is dark and cunning
She carries herself with such boldness
When intoxicated, my mind does not race towards you
It is only a reminder that things can be easier
It is a coping mechanism that draws me into you but resists in such a way that restores my poise
I know that this will catch up to me
It already has in fact
But as I sober up, and only remember fragments of this puzzle we call a party
The night before replaying in my mind like a scratched up DVD
And after all of the missing scenes and mistaken context
I will always want to do it
*Again

I knew from the start that stepping into this
Was not going to end in my favor
From the moment you gave me that look of desire
I knew it was only the alcohol
Consuming your thoughts and cravings
There was nothing special about me
I was never the girl you wanted to be with
Just for a night, that’s all I was used for
I was just another hit and run
This is no sweet love story where they meet in a bar
And something magical comes out of it
There is only anguish in this hole I have fallen in
This is no wonderland
I knew that from the very beginning
I was doing something so foolish
But I couldn’t help myself

I am doing everything I can, not to love you
Convincing myself that I do not need you
Failing to do so each time
I am doing everything I can, not to love you
Searching ruthlessly for pieces of myself that I have lost
Writing about how I do not need anyone to fill me
Drowning in this agony trying to remind myself that I know how to swim
I am doing everything I can, not to love you
But I cannot help myself
I am endeavoring with everything to keep myself away
But I cant
I am drawn to you like a sinner seeing the light
I am pacing myself for the fall
Assuring myself it won't hurt that bad
Dragging my feet backwards away from you
But you are a magnet and I am only a piece of metal searching for something to attach myself to
I am doing everything I can, not to love you
But frankly, none of it has worked
And for that I am sorry, both to you and myself

We dream about how life used to be far too often. When people loved one another, strangers would smile at one another on the street. The earth was a paradise. Flowers popped up in impossible places and bird songs filled the air of every continent. Snow, fog, rain showers, spread with such astounding and unexpected beauty to every setting. Animals were loved as family members and it was natural instinct to be kind to one another. There were possibilities at every turn, no limits stood in your way and you could almost do anything. What we forget to realize that very little has changed. The world is still a beautiful place, we just tend to only see the worst of it. Love your universe because it is still as beautiful as ever.

I have been looking for a taste like his
Searching for him in back seats of cars to boys who were not him
Testing out new flavors
Hoping that maybe tonight will be different
Stretching myself like a trampoline
Turning bone to dust
Because that is what you do when the curtain is falling, you say the line the audience wants to hear
You do things only to please
But changing the script was never what you intended
I never hoped for any of this
But this is what I am left it
And I sometimes wonder
Maybe you have been rewriting too

I will call you up drunk
Declaring my mistaken disposition
Pulling your skin between my lips
like a cheap cigarette
Igniting your spirit
Watching you dance in the smoke
But eventually throwing you out
Because even fire does not last forever
Though it may keep us warm for a short time
It will always burn out

I want to light you like a cigarette
Burn the back of my throat
Scratch your way to my lungs
Tear them apart
I want to breathe you in
Breath after breath
Take it away and replace it with smoke
Dance in the haze
Kiss my teeth, leave stains as a signature
Declaring your presence
Burn my lips when you finish
Poison my body with this cancer
Watch the horizon flow up
And I press this cigarette bud down
Do not forget to leave the lighter with me
So I can ignite this fantasy, once more

You have colored my skies dark and snatched away my sun I try to tell myself that I can paint back over this but mixing anything with black is just more black
I am out of white paint
My shelves are going dry, because you refuse to stop making art in the hollowness of my chest
Drawing borders that I wish you would cross
But you never do
Even when I am intoxicated
Drunk out of my right mind
On the very brink of alcohol poisoning
I feel your name start to boil in my mouth
And all I want to do is swallow you whole
Forget you ever signed your name on my tongue
But my gag reflex forces me to spit you out all over the bar
I will do my best to wipe it up
Apologizing to all of those who had to see such humiliation
I've come to realize however
That alcohol will always be much easier to swallow than the possibility that you once or still love me
Nothing else quite compares to the claws that slide down my throat when I try to drink a shot of your sweet toxin
There is nothing that quite correlates to that amount of agony
So if tonight, I end up calling you, know that I am sorry
I apologize in advance to the mumbled words and empty laughter
Know that I only did it, to ask for the white paint
That you stole from me

You were the sudden thought and craving that had been running through my mind for weeks
And finally I became the ghost of a night that was supposed to happen with someone else
I was scared and frigid and you broke me like a number two pencil
You tore away just pieces of my innocence that felt like tearing down brick walls that were built for a reason
Why did I give in so easily
And now I think of you and wonder if I was more than a one night "pretend love"
I wonder if it meant maybe just a little more
Now you only look at me like a gift you wish came with a receipt
But now I think we have both learned that there are no refunds for regrets
You sewed a string of excuses why it was okay because you were just being a man
I gave you a little of what you wanted
And now I am trying to convince myself that I do not need it back

I often wonder if sleeping with the lights on will somehow curtail the darkness in this room
There's something about nightfall
Because when the sun is out, everything is fine and
I feel as if I can do anything
But once the sun sets and flaming orange fades to dark blue,
I lose myself
My pride slips out of my chest and shatters on the floor and
I am too fatigued to reach down and sweep it up
There is no antidote to sundown
There is only waiting for dawn

Throughout your life you will experience love in some form
Maybe in a one night stand, maybe in a relationship, maybe in an unrequited form
Whatever way it may be, you will experience it
Some people think that a significant other is all there is to life
Thinking that you need someone to complete you is the easiest way to get broken
You will experience heart ache and somber
There will be days where you feel as if staying in bed is the same thing as staying alive
You will learn to never take a risk and never look down
You will learn to succumb to your pillow instead of going out with friends
You will learn that love is not a road easily traveled
You will forget that there is actually some light in this seemingly dark room
Yes, love is burdensome and tiring and it will only wear out your legs causing your knees to weaken at the sound of their name
But do not make that the reason you give up because strained legs that have shuffled over a burning bridge are so much better than those who have never experienced running

They say I drink too much
Alcohol may burn the throat but it numbs a heart's bruise
Drinking to flood my sober blues
Lips and memories soaking in *****
They say I smoke too much
The burning in my throat begins to flame
Doing all I can to smoke away your name
Although my lips recite it all the same
They say I should slow down
Speeding past every caution light
Drowning in these drunken nights
Squeezing memories in the palm of my hand tight
They say I will get over him
But I have learned that every story sounds the same once you stop listening
Every memory sits in shot glass, glistening
Calling my name as if I were its revival
Patiently waiting for your arrival
And they keep telling me you are not coming  
But you must be
**I know that you must be

Laying with my body pressed against yours
Hearing your breathing sing in my ears
Like a choir in an empty church
An echo that keeps me awake
Holding onto every last piece of you
Memorizing how your chest elevates
How your brow curls when you're angry
How your lips form the half crescent moon when you smile
How you walk with such confidence and stand in such a way that makes people wonder why you would ever sit down
Your body is a sculpture that I stand in wonder at
The detail astounds me, I am in admiration of such artistry
You are so exquisite, I hope I can show you one day
To see yourself as I do

Tonight, he will probably go and get drunk
He will drink beer after beer, shot after shot
Until his vision is at the brink of extension
So much, that a girl from across the party catches his eye
And he will stroll over, spilling out his best pick up line all over her lap and she will laugh because he has always been able to brighten a mood even when he is intoxicated
And you will wonder if she looks like you
Wonder if her eyes are deep brown, if they flutter when he smiles, if they notice how beautiful his are
Wonder if he hair hangs long down her back
Wonder if he runs his fingers through it when they kiss
Wonder if he presses his fingers into her back like wet cement
Wonder if she had a bad after taste that left a bitter dryness in his mouth, wonder if he had another drink to wash it away
And as you sit on your back porch, letting the cold grip you in the palm of its hands, squeezing, turning you numb
You will drink straight from a bottle of *****
And you will wonder if this is how love tastes, after all

I still have not yet discovered how you managed to sweep up the most elegant constellations in the sky and paint them in the pupils of your eyes
I still have not yet discovered how you managed to steal every piece of my favorite poems and recite them into my mouth when we kiss
I still have not yet discovered how you managed to wipe away every sense of doubt I saw in myself just by simply smiling in my direction
I still have not yet discovered how you managed to control the rate of my heart beat as if every time you are around me you kick it up a few extra notches
I still have not yet discovered how you managed to make me fall so hard for you
I am still learning new things everyday
I one day hope to fully resolve that inquisition
Maybe then I will also learn why you do not love me

Do not confuse the act of kindness with the art of love
There is a line drawn in the sand that you desperately hope the tide will wash out but it never does
There is a difference between a drunken kiss and a sober smile
Do not think for a second you are the reason he wore cologne tonight
Do not acknowledge the hundreds of ropes untangling themselves in your stomach
Do not let his words seep into your skin
Believe them as much as you would believe the words of a man whom you've never met
He will smile in your direction
And it will make you feel like candlelight
Do not let the flame grow
You may think it will keep you warm but it will only burn you and you will wake up with the scars from his fingertips and try to fill in the gaps with liquor
But his taste burns so much sweeter than any alcohol
There is something so captivating about a wildfire
That we want to reach out and touch it
And when we do, it will burn us
Every Time

I like to think of people as a greenhouse
We are only a short moment in history
We can be radiant and beautiful
We can diffuse bliss and contentment
We can show the world that there is more to it
Some of us are short-lived gardens
We forget to water ourselves
Forget that we need sunshine to live
We forget that most on our rainy days
When clouds swarm our four walls
And the light of day does not touch us like it used to
Our flowers droop, fall, and die
We are only plants that require attention
Living objects that some pick up and some only marvel at
We are unique and earmarked
We are not the same
But each of us are fascinating in our own way
Do not forget to take care of yourself
You have so much more to yourself
Than the desolation you feel

I've discovered a kiss means nothing until it means everything
A spark is not authentic until there is a fire
A lighter is nothing without the fluid that makes a flame
Now all that lingers is lips on lips
And nothing more than that

There is something enticing about how beauty is so powerful in the world we live in today
If you have a sculptured body with curves that flow endlessly and eyes that make the night sky jealous
Well you can do almost anything
People will tell you what you want to hear just to see the sweet words shatter as you try to catch them
They will sell the vow like a groom on his wedding day
Dancing to her father's favorite song but only waiting to take her to the bedroom to show her what you think she's missing
But she is not missing anything
They will advocate the promise and you will believe every word because beautiful things demand to be trusted
But soon they will disappear
Just after they have tied you up and left you in agony
They will walk away just like the prince in your little fairytale
You will realize, maybe not right away
But as you sit gripping the ends of your shirt, cradling what's left of your innocence in the palm of your hand
You will realize that is was your soul they were selling
**The Whole Time

Looking at you for only a moment
Because staring too long would cause my eyes to drip like melting iron, slipping down my face and onto my neck
Seeping into my skin like a red needle
Looking at you for only a moment
It is all I can bear before the urge to caress the tips of my fingers down your back, drawing a map, creating borders that I intend to cross, I look away
Looking at you for only a moment
Because if I look too long my brain will check out and begin to sing like a scratched up CD
The words are so beautiful but you can hardly understand what they are saying, I look away
Looking at you for only a moment
Making sure to direct my attention elsewhere before you turn and see me in awe of the beauty of you
In a room full of art, I would still only see your eyes
Because although paintings are beautiful
You are so addicting
You draw me in like a child coloring outside of the lines
Stepping over the obvious boundaries but still thinking that this is how it is supposed to be
I cannot steady my hand enough to even write
I am a drunk, you are the alcohol and everything around you is the water I should be drinking but I cannot seem to get enough of the way your burn as you go down
My mouth dries at the thought of you leaving the room
Looking at you for only a moment
Then looking away but I get a sense of unease realizing that you are no longer standing across the room but in front of me
Looking at you for longer than a moment
The closing my eyes
Finally reality punches me in the face like a guy in a bar who has had one less drink than me
Angry and overwhelmed, pushing his fist into my jaw
Hearing it shatter in my ears like throwing an empty bottle at the ground you can barely stand on
I wake and realize that looking for only a moment
Is the only sensation I can reach
When you are so far away from where I am

I want to fill you up when you are empty
I want to be the shore that crashes over you
I do not think you know how much I love talking to you
Saying your name, my precise tone and articulation
Spoken as if my lips are dancing to no music
Your beauty punctured my soul
I yearn to be closer to you but the same time afraid
But then my heart taps on the shoulder of my mind
Saying 'what is there to fear when love goes down so smooth'
Is it wrong to want to be centered when we are so unbalanced
I am walking into this knowing that the tide will overtake me but continuing anyways
You are the sweet whisper that is selling the promise of love but never actually delivering
But I do not care about your faulty misconception to what a token of truth is really worth
Play with my emotions like a child who has just received a new toy at Christmas
I know soon you will get sick of me and crave something else but I am willing to be thrown away if it is your arms that I am leaving from
I know it sounds crazy but I have discovered that you cannot call something crazy unless you have something normal to compare it to

There's something different about how I feel
It's not really infatuation so to say, it’s a lot of pain
It's not the same as it once was
Before this, I never really had a hope
I didn't have a memory to hold on to because it wasn’t as vivid
Nowhere as near as vivid as this
I guess I missed understanding the meaning of love
I've learned that love is not someone who makes you happiest
But the one that makes you feel the most
The one who can conduct your heart to drum the loudest
I becomes so easy to think on it to the point where his love is boiling and possible and suddenly  becomes so close
It isn't
You are simply playing tricks on yourself again
You silly little girl
He is never as close as you think he his
Never closer to you, only her
So as you down your 4th shot of cheap liquor
Leave the image of him smiling in the toilet
When you wake up you will feel empty and aching
Do not regret anything, remember, being drunk is the only way
To numb his touch from the valleys he made in your back
To numb every hole he burned into your skin
To numb every cut that his gliding fingers made as they traced your body
You are nothing special
And you never were

Lately I've been feeling a vague sense of unease and an unshakable feeling that love was never meant for someone like me
Love is some obsession I have
I crave to be admired and wanted but once I get someone who does this they never seem to be right
Love is a sea we swim in but always climb out when the water splashes in our face and our fingers prune
Love is careful with whom Love lets others hold them
Like a newborn child, someone who is not ready to be so gentle simply cannot handle the responsibility
As I sit in this cage with my feet dangling in the pool
I miss how the water felt
But now I can only barely skim it with my toes
Do not forget how the body needs to feel something
Do not take that feeling for granted
Like I did

Raindrops think they are flying until they hit the ground
Soaring like an eagle, oddly in love with the feeling of going down
But hitting bottom is like no other disappointment
When morning comes you will realize
You were not flying at all, you were descending
Sliding down a rope of oxygen and demolishing at the impact
The concrete will never feel so cold
And you will wonder why you let him slip into your sheets
Keeping you warm, soaking yourself into him like wet cement
Only until he climbs out
And you will have to act as if it were only a change in weather
A punchline that you saw coming
Do not look eager to hold him again, if he felt the same
He wouldn't have gotten up in the first place
I am only a raindrop
I used to think I could fly until morning hit
Sobriety found its way in and the hangover was nothing like this emptiness
I have hit the ground and now I am only hoping to evaporate again
And fall into every piece of air that you blew into me

Who knows if it’s easier to breathe through your mouth or through your nose
Through the nose I smell your sweet scent
I can memorize the sweet, trace my fingers through the depths of your collar bones
Follow your heartbeat with the tapping of my fingers on your chest
Through the mouth I can breathe you in
Your kiss is more intoxicating than any liquor I've ever remembered tasting
I find myself craving you in moments where I know you won't be there
Who knows if it's easier to breathe through your mouth or through your nose
With you, it does not matter
Not that it ever really did

Lost in my mind, I am swarmed by my thoughts like an angry mob of bees who's hive has just been knocked down
Bumping me left and right, up and down
I dream of a mind as peaceful as a meadow,
As clear as a river,
As calm as a lake
A mind where my thoughts flow easily
Although instead I am in the middle of the traffic of my mind
Thoughts like cars rushing by or completely stopped
Laying on their horns drowning out any sanity I had left
These thoughts fight against me and I wonder who could possibly win in a battle against myself
I dream of a mind where my thoughts are wiping away worries and gently push me into cloud 9
I wake from this imaginary inspiration and only feel the sting of the bees piercing my skull and keeping me from ever settling this war with my own head
There is no way to escape from yourself
That is one thing I have learned
And the hardest of all

I want to be a poem
Drawn out using long words and comas
Penciled before penned in case you write me wrong
Find a spark in me and write about it
Write down all the words and phrases that come to your mind when I cross it
Think about what you want to achieve
Will I be one for the books or just another in your leather notebook filled with other girls names
Let the creativity flow like a river after it has been drowned in the rain, pushing the excess water it can no longer hold
Use concrete imagery and vivid descriptions
Paint all of the abstract concepts like you are painting your favorite piece of artwork in black and white
Use poetic devises to enhance the beauty in meaning
Add a sharp turn at the end
Leave the reader hanging
Read over me, memorize every punctuation
Bring me to life and read me out loud
Bring rhythm to my every syllable and make me a song
Edit my body if it does not suit you
Make any changes that you see fit
If I do not rhyme, do not fret
Even blank verse poetry can be beautiful
I believe all poetry is a work of art
I want you to see me in a frame
Why else did you think I asked you to write me down?

Let's get drunk together
So I can kiss you
And blame it on the alcohol

Sleepless nights fill with incompetent infatuation
and drunken bewilderment
igniting white sticks of numbness
to grip all of our pain in one palm
and take it away
in a quick instance
Hoping that maybe tomorrow you will
feel a little less pain
But when you wake up
in a painful daze
with smudged make-up on a white pillow
and cold coffee
Confused as to why
It Still Hurts So **** Much