At any time, my heart could stop beating
The repetitive drum pounding in my chest could cease
And it makes me wonder what have I done in my life that is worth writing about
I do not want my eulogy to be filled with my mediocre successes
I do not want my soul to leave without saying all that this body has held inside
I want to say things that make my heart beat so fast my knees quiver
I want to be horribly straightforward to the point where people wonder if I am lying and the irony of it all is that for once I won't be
I want to open up these locked doors and let people inside
Give them a tour of this garden that on some days is not always beautiful
The kind of text messages where I want to throw my phone after I press send and I want to do this because I want to know how alive you feel when you feel something for someone else
Some of us are doing our best to be happy but avoiding sorrow can hinder us from growing
Reaching your lowest point can sometimes remind you that you know how to climb a ladder
And I know it's strange and scary to tell people that you want them, need them, miss them, love them but could you imagine dying without them ever hearing it?

I find myself sitting in the confines of my car thinking about everything except where I am going
My destination never means much unless it is somewhere to meet you
The street lights light up this highway but inside this car it has never been darker
I think of you on most days
Most days being all days
I think of riding in the passenger seat with the music too loud
But I would still shout it to be sure you knew just how much I liked the song
I think of how now I open my own door
And I never would have thought touching a door handle would be so bonding
My wrists get heavier each time I reach for it
I think of how when I was tired or scared or worried, I could lay on your shoulder, wrap my arm in yours
I imagine that you drive with your hand on someone else's thigh
And it makes me sick to my stomach
I find myself sitting in the confines of my car at a red light
And the music is too loud, but maybe it's better that way

In the middle of June, we wake up to the light peering through the blinds, it's 10 am
I squint my eyes just enough to map out where you are
I remember I am wearing your white t-shirt and smile
You are already awake, lying there looking at me
"How long have you been up?" I ask
"Just a few minutes, not too long. How'd you sleep?"
"Wonderful, as always with you," I mumble the last part, "Breakfast?"
He smiles and sits up on his elbow, facing me
"I got it, you just make coffee. Deal?"
He gleams with a smile that could give a blind man sight and all I can manage is a nod.
He kisses my forehead and throws the sheets off his body
I sit there, gazing at him, trying not to fall more in love with him than I already am
I check my phone and my mother called, but I decide to call her later and succumb to following the trail of french toast coming from the kitchen
I hear him humming and walk towards the record player
Digging through out box of records, I choose our favorite, Work Song
I look over at him and his skin almost glows at the melody flowing through the walls
"French toast?"
"Problem?"
"None at all," I grin, "How do you want your coffee?"
He gives me a stern look as if I am serious
"I'm joking, two sugars, one and a half creams," I say kissing his cheek
The thing about love is it can be playful and sweet and reckless all at the same time. We have managed a perfect balance between them all. Love wears dark blue pajama pants. Love has burnt caramel hair and candlelight skin. Utmost of all, love makes the best french toast.

We are a story of bad timing
We let each other in, arms swing wide
Holding the elevator door
We were both destined to be going down
You never realize the change of elevation until your ears pop
Space was tight between us like knots in braids, the air hung hot above us as if we were steaming
The confined walls fogging
The thing about this amorous vapor is it never last very long
The doors eventually open
And we can either choose to step off, or suffocate
We are a story of bad timing
Getting in an elevator
Seconds before a fire

I wish I knew what you were thinking
Wish I could crawl inside of your head
Dissect your thoughts, decipher your fears
Know what all of this means
Know the reason behind every text message
I spend hours searching for a prophetic sign in your words and I am aching to take it back to when it was simple
I didn’t have to use a magnifying glass to see the love
It was not hidden
I often find myself picking up my phone just to know what it feels like to put it down
I tell myself this
I have been trying to claw the rested drop of lonely from my throat
But it is sewn in like a patch on a pair of blue jeans
It is hiding my skin for fear if I fall I will hurt myself
I am homesick for a heartbeat and green eyes
I wish I knew what you were thinking
If there is still something there
If you still love me, don’t just assume I don't

It's like we're a world full of love stories
Spinning slowly on its axis, in this magnificent Milky Way, as if we are slow-dancing around the sun
And maybe we have already crossed paths, caught a glance and kept walking
It's funny how out of the 7 billion people on this earth you will come back and find me and we will fall in love like people do all of the time in this passion-driven world
I cannot help but wonder where we will meet, I cannot help but think of the movies
You will stumble into a coffee shop in grey sweatpants and a t-shirt
First, your eye catches the menu, then you glance left and see a girl reading
Puzzled, curious, and awestruck, you will walk over and ask what she is reading
Or maybe it will be raining in the middle of spring
She will be standing at a cross walk with a magazine over her head
You do your best to avoid traffic in endeavor to reach her
You share an umbrella and love will bloom like the flowers of May
Or maybe we have already met
Know each other's names and secrets
Maybe we have already loved and it failed
But maybe we could do it again
Just maybe, we could do it right this time

At the end of a wallpaper hallway you stand, bare and broken with a silver key in your hand
You can hardly believe that it has been this long since you have returned
So long that you haven't forgotten the very smell of this building
It used to be bitter, stained with take-out food and cigarettes
Now, however, you find yourself taking bigger breaths in efforts to reminisce
It's funny how some things that used to be so terrible, bring back the sweetest of memories
You think of walking downtown, the streets were littered and the sidewalks were cracked
But when he was with you, God, the sky could be falling and you would somehow still feel so safe
Now, however, you find yourself walking with your hands tucked into your chest
Never in your pockets for fear that you could not slip them out to defend yourself
Things have changed now, you see pictures of the person you love with someone else
It's a feeling that not even the most intricate of words could describe
For fear that the pages would actually bleed and it is hard to read in red now
You think of the roses that you picked up, bare stem, letting the thorns cut into your hands
You think of his hands, how holding them, everything was possible
There was something about him that made you believe in yourself
You had hope for what was ahead, no matter the obstacle, you had guidance
Now, however, you find yourself getting lost more often than usual
When you lose your sense of direction, you love everything
At the end of a wallpaper hallway you stand, bare and broken with a silver key in your hand
And you can hear her laughing from inside
You can hear him breathing