Falling in love knowing your heart is going to break is the best way to do it
Fall like a summer thunderstorm and don’t look back unless you're searching for flowers that will bloom in your wake
Wander into uncharted territory and let your guard down
Do not let the barb wire fence frighten you, reach out to touch it
Bleed red like the roses he will bring your mother in the winter
Let your thoughts wander over the precipice of the future, imagine him in it, imagine the both of you sharing an apartment
One with wood floors and white walls
Waking up next to him, his arms wrapped around you
Let the sound of his breathing resonate in the compounds of your mind
Remember this sound when you cannot produce it yourself
Your body will turn to face him and he will squint his eyes at the light reflecting off your skin from the window
He will sigh and say "good morning," in sluggish harmony with the most beautiful smile
The innocent kind where nothing could ever take away the grace, the way his cheeks slide up and he exhales with a laugh
Imagine that he is happy, still
He pulls you towards him and kisses your forehead
His body is warm like an eastern sunset in the middle of the summer
And in this moment you will smile in disbelief of how lucky you are
"Do you want coffee?" you will say, running your fingers through his tussled hair
He will nod, slightly, just enough for you to see it and though you don't want to, you will slide out of bed
Leaving the warmth, leaving him there with every intention to return
Falling in love knowing you heart is going to break is the best way to do it
And sometimes sliding out of bed will become parallel to sliding out the door
And leaving the one place that really felt like a home
You may intend to return, but when you do
You will discover that he has changed the locks

I was a canvas, the side of a building, a vacant bedroom wall in a new house
Love painted over me
Each kiss, red
Each smile, yellow
Each fight, dark blue
Every look, green
Every touch, mix colors, purple
Swirling in constellations for astronomers to decipher one day
Splashing on flaming sunsets for children to gaze at all of its glory
Sketching trees for lovers to carve their initials in under its shade
I was the sky beyond the clouds, I was the ground beyond the soil
I had it all when you held the paintbrush
I have never known someone to love me like this
And now that it is over
I am having a hard time
Putting up this new wallpaper

Upon finding pictures of you ex-boyfriend kissing his new girlfriend

        1) Remind yourself why the relationship ended. Do not forget the weight in your chest that you felt when he slipped away in such a secular way, he was only doing what his friend was encouraging.
2) When you skin is itching for his touch, think of how his fingers burned holes in your skin. Look at the scars but do not stare at them, they are only proof that you have gotten stronger, do not think about the sensation of the drawn out flame. You never imagined that torching your flesh would feel so freeing.
3) You will wonder what she tastes when she kisses him. If he tastes like whsikey or chap stick or both. You will wonder what his lips feel like because you never got to experience them, do not think about this for too long, this will only lead you to bring it up in your conversation. This happens far too often than it should.
4) When you are not expecting it, though you never are, and you see the passion in his face towards her, remind yourself that he once claimed to love you. Even if he did not mean it, imagine that if you ever were to kiss him he would have kissed with the same devotion.
5) Think of how he never loved you past midnight. Lost slippers and love affairs in the aroma of alcohol or curfews. He tried and so did you but it wasn’t enough. Sometimes that's just the way it goes.
        6) When you think you are over him, have fooled yourself that this is concludes your tear stained pages, convinced that you will not answer his call. Remind yourself that you will, but do not mistake desire for love, because though he may call, you are not the only one in his recents, think of the picture of him kissing his new girlfriend and though it may break you, it will help you not to get wrapped up in the thought that he might actually miss you too.

I am in this world as a stranger
I do not speak it's language
It is all gibberish to my ears and this world simply does not understand my look of curiosity, it does not understand my silence
I have been trying to learn how to speak with its tongue
However I find myself only tying knots inside of my mouth
I want to be a part of this soil
Want to dig my roots into it, I want to taste rain
I feel as if I am a seed that no one wants to put in the ground
For fear of bitter fruit sprouting from it
They say, that when you get hit, to turn the other cheek
The people who tell you this are not implying that they were hit again, nowadays people only turn their cheeks to look the other way
My mother told me, "you must never begin your story with the weather"
I never imagined this would be hard to do until I found myself sleeping outside
My life is only a story of bad timing
Coincidence that I was here or there
Bad luck they say, that's all it is
I am trying to believe this but how can I trust something that I have never touched, never held, never experienced
They will tell you their story of how it was all turned around
And still I sit there, trying to decipher these words
I simply cannot speak this language
This language of joy and peace
It seems that it is a sunny day in everyone's garden except for mine
Sometimes, I think of destroying my greenhouse
This body I once saw as a temple now only a cult gathering place, they mock the every thing I was built for
The irony of it is more enticing than the end of the story
No one is going to miss these battle grounds
They have moved on from what was there before
It seems as if they are already making new blue prints for a new building where I once stood
I do not even deserve a memorial
I have been trying to learn this language
But each word gets stuck in my throat
I have forgotten how to articulate correctly
I swear that I'm trying
I just cannot manage to abandon my own skin
I promise that one day I might look like you
I will paint over every curve and edge of my body
Re-floor, re-decorate, I will change
If only that means you won’t look at me
Like I am an intruder

It is hard to describe the feeling of missing someone
Who is not missing you in return
They have moved on to a new home
And they have taken the keys to the old one
And you find yourself sitting outside an abandon house
Knocking on the door
With hopes that eventually
Someone will open the door
And invite you back inside

There is something about getting knocked down
by one who once claimed to love you
It does something to you
It makes you feel so much prettier
On the floor

He walks backwards into a room, takes of his jacket and sits down
The bartenders slides him money and a receipt
He slips the money back into his wallet and the bartender fetches the receipt from under his shot glass
His makes a bitter face as the alcohol creeps back up his throat
He picks it up and sips it back into the glass from his mouth
Things in rewind seem much easier
Like ants running back into their hole
Raindrops flying into the sky
Your skin will soften, teeth will sink back into your gums
Your shoes will get bigger, feet smaller
You will remember less memories
Remember less of the pain
You will forget about all the nights you lay in awe of how much you miss him, you will think of him getting drunk
Wishing he would spit it back into the bottle
Wishing he would unhang up the phone
Wishing you hadn't walked out
You imagine unpacking your bags as salt water tears that dissolved into your shirt slid back up into your eyes
In the distance you can hear the music playing backwards as you rock back in forth, unkissing his neck
You want life to be recorded on a VCR, little green and red buttons putting your mind at ease
But then again, you haven't owned a VCR in years