Can you remember who you were,
Before the world told you who you should be?

There's something haunting about you
I could watch you all day
And never get sick of it
Like staring at such an intricate piece of art
Finding new details with time and memorizing all of mixed colors that were used to create something so beautiful
Each of your breaths are fistfuls of stones dropped in my throat and anchored in my chest
The way you smile with such sincerity and light-heartedness like an innocent child
I know that you are no good for me
I know there is more to you than the precision that I see
I know that you will only hurt me
And I know that I should walk away before the ground crumbles beneath me
But there is a hope that you will be the one to catch me
Before I plummet
A hope I will hold onto until I fall

There is infatuation and reality
Infatuation is knowing he loves you more than anything
Maybe baseball or his mom but you, you know his love is strong
Infatuation is a short lived love that exists while they are still perfect to you, that exists while you think that he has no flaws
And you love the little ones that you see
Infatuation is flying, soaring through clouds, feeling them brush the back of your hands, kissing your body with empathy
And then there is reality
Reality is realizing that he is like the rest
Never holding him to a standard to be different
Because he is only a boy
And boys will do what boys will do
They will look and flirt and crave and push
He is only a boy
You have to realize that he is not perfect
He has more flaws than the pimple on his chin or his crazy ex-girlfriend
Think about him
Realize that reality is knowing who he is
Not who you want him to be
Your mind is creative with love and this will be hard for you
But realize, please realize, that he is not different
He is only a boy
But that does not mean he cannot love you
He can love you with everything he has
Love you with all of his whiskey breath and cologne sprayed for any pretty girl that is drawn to it from across the party
He can love you like plants love fresh air
His love can grow, spread like roots digging themselves deeper
Reaching for a place to call home
He may love you, but love is not perfect
Love has its faults and failures
It is sometimes messy and will leave empty promises in the palms of your hands, do not hold on to them
You will want to grip them tight, squeeze until the broken pieces mend back together crooked
Reality is realizing you cannot fly unless you are in an airplane
There is no such thing as superman
This is reality
This is not your fantasy
And I know that is hard to hear
But know that even though love is strong, lust will sometimes win
It is not an even playing field
It never was

I do not remember how I fell into this
I only remember you being at the bottom
Of this hole

I hate love and how it is so deceiving
It lures you in with a promise that this will be just like the movies
Giving us an image in our minds
This will be something so sweet
But instead it just cuts the roof of your mouth
And leaves a bitter aftertaste on your tongue

I want to feel this way all of the time

The way I feel when I am with you is beyond heavenly. I do not even realize the blood rushing to my cheeks when you smile. You have no idea of the joy that it brings me to see your eyes beam like green traffic lights as your lips curled upwards, please never stop smiling, I would not mind feeling this way forever. Your tussled hair and serene disposition. How could someone not want you. I watch you as you drive and wonder if this could become habitual. I have never craved a passenger seat so much.  I taught myself not to believe in love. It was only a puddle that was pretending to be as remarkable as an ocean. You will get the bottom of your jeans wet and have to walk around in little puddles after you step out, the ones that form in your socks with every step you feel the memory of water. I am not sure why you do this to me, but then again I see exactly why. You light up when you laugh, you are charming and I want to be rescued, your breathing is a melody, I could listen to it on repeat, please never stop breathing, I would not mind feeling this way forever. I know the risk but I am willing to walk on a tight rope with a blindfold if you happen to be waiting on the other side with your hand folded out. Palm sweat evaporating into the breeze, the one that is trying to trip me up and knock me over. And though this all sounds crazy, if only you knew the way you make me feel when I am with you. It is beyond heavenly.

I want to feel this way all of the time