She's young and confused
Her mind is hazy and her decision making
Has not yet matured
So she downs a bottle every night
Making herself numb
Never tapping out, just blacking out
Feeling that if she feels nothing
Maybe she will feel something
She loses her stability in drunken obscurity
She loves being drunk because
All of the guys are drawn to her
She feels like she fits in
Because if a boy seemingly likes you
In that state, then maybe that was the new cloud nine
They don't know she is confusing
This flirtatious intoxicated brush of the lips
She is confusing this with love
She loses herself like she always does
Because she's just waiting for someone to give it up to
The next morning has never been so cold
There is something about falling asleep to someone
But only waking up to a dent in your mattress
And she will never learn
That you will never find someone
While looking at a blurred picture
There is no clear answers
Only assumption
Do not search for your prince charming in a bar
Because it is too dark to see his face
And you are too drunk to realize the risk
You are about to take
And you think
It is only a kiss
But it never is
And it never will be

Love as thin as water
As bitter as gasoline
As numbing as anesthesia
As calming as ocean tides
As captivating as the night sky
As addicting as chocolate
As addicting as it gets
Love for me, has just been alcohol
Because it is the only love
That somewhat loves me back
And if not, makes me believe it anyways

Alcohol condones such sweet behavior
The way it lets you teach me something new
Lets your lips dance on my skin
Sends my body into ecstasy
The sound of your breathing
Resonates through the air
And seeps into the cracks of the walls
The way it collides with my skin
And buries through the flesh
Whisper passions in my ear
Like waves whispering on the shores of her children
Trail your fingers down my back
Engulf me in sin
No boundaries are drawn in liquor fantasy
The moment between each breath
Carving sweet drunken memories on my neck
Succumbing to your every desire
I know I should stand on my will
But you asked me so nicely
Turning one way and then the other
Falling inward towards the center of this spiral
Leading to such peaceful sleep
The way your snoring claws at the silence
Your burnt out taste has never felt so divine
Leaving numbness on my tongue
With the constant, reoccurring thought
I never want to leave this bed

I want a love that
Light up the night sky and puts
All of the constellations to shame
I want a love that
Does not falter when we fall
Though love sometimes hurts
There is nothing that can break this
I want a love that
Endures every hard time
That walks through battle grounds
Hand in hand
Conquering it all together
I want a love that
Dances on my lips
Sings on my skin
Traces maps on my back
Discovering new beauties
On each other
I want a love that
Grows
Stretches, flows
Like a spring stream
Racing each other
But keeping steady pace
I was a love that
Glows
Fireflies envy this sparkle
The one in your eyes
The one in our kiss
I want a love that
Makes me want to stay in bed with you
That carries me up the stairs
That spins me around, stumbling in the refrigerator light
That helps me do the dishes
That wakes me up each morning
I want a love that
Has you in it
I want a love that
You want too

I miss who he used to be
His heart used to light up with kindness
He kept sweetness in his pockets
He left each day with a mark on it
A memento of some sort of joy
He and I used to dance in the kitchen
He and I used to dance in the street
He and I used to really love
We were infatuated with each other's presence
He was always hoping for the light at the end of the tunnel
But now, he barely even recognizes how to light a match unless he is using to burn something
He is cold and I am sorry to say I ever loved someone like him
Maybe I changed him or maybe this was him the whole time
Both ideas terrify me
I am sorry for all that has happened
I never lied about him, or said any hurtful words to others
I told them that he was a good guy,
Still after all that has happened I endeavor to believe that
I am sorry for all that has happened
But that gives him know excuse to treat me like I am nothing
His words sting like a bee, I only use that analogy
because I am allergic to them
I often wonder, that even though he used to shine bright yellow, maybe I was missing the darkness
That also lined his skin
Maybe I was allergic to him all a long

I have an addiction
Though I hate to admit it
And cannot audibly say this
I have an addiction
I know the consequences
And I understand the risks
Though walking on a tight rope
Has always been more exciting
Than walking on a bridge
And I figure it always will be

I hate to think that I need alcohol
To be confident around you
Without *****, I am only a coy maiden
I am fearful and tread backwards, never stumbling
I cannot trip and fall into you if my blood is only blood
This bitter-sweet poison helps me strip off my coats of paint
Freeing my inner goddess who is much more amorous
She is painted beautifully, she is dark and cunning
She carries herself with such boldness
When intoxicated, my mind does not race towards you
It is only a reminder that things can be easier
It is a coping mechanism that draws me into you but resists in such a way that restores my poise
I know that this will catch up to me
It already has in fact
But as I sober up, and only remember fragments of this puzzle we call a party
The night before replaying in my mind like a scratched up DVD
And after all of the missing scenes and mistaken context
I will always want to do it
*Again