You were the sudden thought and craving that had been running through my mind for weeks
And finally I became the ghost of a night that was supposed to happen with someone else
I was scared and frigid and you broke me like a number two pencil
You tore away just pieces of my innocence that felt like tearing down brick walls that were built for a reason
Why did I give in so easily
And now I think of you and wonder if I was more than a one night "pretend love"
I wonder if it meant maybe just a little more
Now you only look at me like a gift you wish came with a receipt
But now I think we have both learned that there are no refunds for regrets
You sewed a string of excuses why it was okay because you were just being a man
I gave you a little of what you wanted
And now I am trying to convince myself that I do not need it back

open up your mind
let all of your hidden thoughts
crawl out of the closet
and be set free for just a minute or two
try to remember the simple fragrance of desire
the constant craving kept a secret
until one soul became braver than the other
the beginning was calm and passionate
gentle and sweet
stage two
our bodies caressing on top of one another
turning back and forth
heavy breaths and open mouths
grabbing hard, kissing tender
never wanting to stop, never getting enough
you can hear your heart beat in your chest
and the flutter in your stomach is eternal
the feel of your neck and your hands down my back
until finally one kiss
then another and another
so addicting
then suddenly everything goes quiet, still
eyes closed, one deep breath
and one dark room filled with memories of a night
to forever be kept a secret

Each and every time someone warns me about you
My heart tends to crave you just a little bit more
Each and every time

You are the open textbook on how not to fall in love
You are the hand-written love letter that no one gets to read
You are broken glass vase with a stained memory of where flowers used to live
I know that you are not good for me
You're a liar who feels no guilt in lying
You are a desirable gift that never last very long
You are the reason for when my palms get sweaty I immediately wipe them dry
You are a runaway train that no one can easily get off of
And I do not have time for bumpy rides
My heart refuses to wear a helmet
Today I am saying that no matter how hard you pull or push
I will never go back to the empty train station again

If I were to describe you
I would write for days
Write until my hand goes numb
Write until my lead runs out
Write until the paper I wrote on had covered every blank space
I could write books about you
and how I felt for you
and how I wished you knew
and how I wished I could muster up the courage to tell you all of the things that I refused to let out of the bottle
You are a the red light that I always end up running
You are the punchline to my favorite joke
You are the chorus to my favorite song
You are light that wakes me up every morning
But you are also the thick darkness that puts me to sleep
Waking up to damp pillows and cold coffee
Too cold to get out of bed
Too scared to face the truth that you really have forgotten me
A broken pencil and a trash can full of ripped pages
I woke up every morning asking myself the same question
Hoping for the same answer yet knowing that it was all just a lie
You have taught me to lie to myself and believe it
I look at you and my knees go weak
Your eyes drown my entire being in a warm sea of blue and green waves that never fail to crash in the exact same place
Your lips carry me away so peacefully and swift that I forget where I am, that forget to stop staring, that I forget that we don't even don't even speak to each other anymore
If I were to describe you
I don't know exactly what metaphors I would use
And I'm not sure I would ever be okay with you reading it
But of everything I have learned from being around you
whether I am with you or not
I know that every word I write
is never the right one
Every word I write
is **wrong

You didn't say goodbye, but you didn't say hello either
It's like waiting for an alarm to go off
Then suddenly realizing you never set one
I'd like to think that you think of me, maybe
When the world gets really quiet
That the silence would remind you of my heartbeat
And steady breaths
Sometimes, that you would remember my hands on your chest
My hand in your hand
Do you ever think of me at all?
Or and I just footsteps in the snow
A grain of sand on a beach
Cliche song lyrics that you don't bother to listen to anymore
I guess that I understand
I was always the rough draft
But tomorrow
Under your pillow will be the memory of a girl
Who really did love you
One that has moved on
One that has forgotten
One that does not think of you anymore

Left and Right
Two completely different things
But my love for you
Is neither left nor right
My love for you is in between
My love for you is snow when the sun is out
My love for you is a clean house with muddy floors
My love for you is a shooting star without making a wish
Confusing maybe
But real
My love for you is is indifferent
But my love for you is real