empty shell of a girl
insecure mess
who craves
diamonds
and pearls
finer things
she'll never get
or receive
from anyone
she disappoints
in life, in bed
insecurities
wrecked her
mind, brain
mad case
of sweet
misery
and pain

attachment is worse
than the aftertaste
of a disgusting drink
like mixing ketchup
with mustard
such a bad mix
makes you
want to
throw
up

if i knew years ago
that people would
hate me so much
i would have
done something
about my existence

she's so lovely though
she doesn't show it, no
she smiles a lot
but never opens up
she says a lot
but her words
are blank
i find it all
hard to read
can't analyze
or see what's
between
the lines
but i see
what's inside
a girl wanting
to show herself
for all that she is
and always was

**** head, struggling for breath
Final hit, before the red
Light flashes, warning to stop
Over dose, **** the innards
She never chose to lose this
Battle, between herself & it
Where'd she go, lost in space
Chasing herself, a dog with his tail
Praying to an above, to lead her
Straight laced, not swerving off track
Please God save me, her last plea
Before another day dawns, her final wish
Sketcher, tweaker, where's that syringe
The lights too bright, reality a curse
Rolled up in rehab, another ghetto kid
Not this girl, high class, white, moneyed
Lost to the night, speed freak, hopeless
Drowning in addiction, using again
Chemical structures defining her fate
Her brain the game
Disfigured face, unrecognizable eyes
Family love, isn't ever enough
Rushed to ER, another broken soul
Promises that drugs will save her
When only she can ever
Save herself
This time, she's not another life
Lost
The Gods sure blessed her, not with
Her wish
So she's packaged off to rehab
The third times a charm, right?

© Sia Jane