Let's play a new game.
One we've been playing for years.
Let's call it Hide, don't seek.
Hide your feelings well brother,
Don't let a girl find them.
Hide your secrets well sister,
Don't let that boy find them.
Hide those thoughts of suicide kid,
Don't let your mama find em'.
Hide those insecurities pal,
Don't let your father know them.
Hide that, hide this.
Don't let anyone successfully seek.
Write a poem, write a book.
Hide those words, don't bother to look.
Don't you tell the world your worries child,
You know very well this world is wild.
Save that poem as a draft, you ******,
Don't you dare open your eyes you sucker.
Wipe those tears and fears away,
Forget your worries, forget to pray.
Hide the scars around your hands,
Don't let your teachers find em'.
Hide your lips, how dry they are,
Don't let your girlfriend find them.
Hide your dried up tears my love,
Remember no one cares.
Hide your hunger well my bro,
You know that food is theirs.
People that don't follow these rules
Will be disqualified by morning.
People that decide to break them,
Will be followed by deep mourning.
Starting now, you're one of us,
This is the game we play.
Starting now, you must hide, not seek
It will all be good some day.
But hide that little hope my friend,
For you know it shall not come.
And if you're scared at all my friend,
Just chug it down with ***.
That's all we all can do now,
We can no longer tell the truth.
We all are now playing this game,
I call it **Hide, don't Seek.

You make my mouth dry,
palms all sweaty and cold
my brain works quickly and I feel
quite old
when I was up in the morning
with just edges of a dream
I don't understand
can you
stitch up the seams
my blood is clear like a ghost
whispy and thin
I don't want to forget but then again
what happens if I do and you cannot
adderall, alcohol, caffeine and ***.
smoke in my room, sweat on the sheets
you are everything I was meaning to meet.

Strung up on adderall
****** out to normality
led on by conformity
Their path filled in with chaff
Rigged to persuade
Monotony fills their days
Pushed down in worthless ways
fed on a lethal dose of caustic fluorescent

-
today,
I was offered the chance to buy
two 40 mg Adderall pills.
At first I though,
"Eh, a nice dime bag sounds better to me"
But then I remembered my school's mandatory drug testing,
and then I remembered this horrible writer's block that has been plaguing me.

I had heard from friends in the past that the amphetamine-salt combo worked wonders for students.
I had heard that the wonder drug made you do stuff. Any stuff. Anything.
You can not sit still after popping over the dosage of Adderall.
You clean your room, you read a book, you write an essay and for me, hopefully, write.

Enough with the *******.
It's been about forty minutes since I swallowed one and half pills and ground up and snorted another half of one. Okay.

I feel as though I maybe breathing louder than normal.
Also, I'm not writing one line and then switching over to tumblr as I usually do.
Also, my room is really *****.
Also, I've drunk two sprites and ate some leftover Chinese food.
Also, it's really ******* quiet. It's eery.
Also, yesterday in my English class this really nice openly gay kid named Connor walked across the class and as he did so this other kid sitting next to me whispered quite loudly "******" and I did nothing but sit there and angrily stare at my desk.
Also, it's been eating me up inside ever since.
Also, about an hour ago my mom took my (half) baby sister so see her (**** of a) father. She said she'd be home around seven thirty and it's seven twenty eight but she's usually late.
Also, I wish she would buy me cigarettes.
Also, it's Thursday and I have a D- in Biology.

****.

Also, I might hangout with my friend Ryley tomorrow.
Also, I might become a methamphetamine addict.
Also, I spelled that without using spell check.

She has the summertime sadness.
I just got winter time sadness.
She sat in the back of her own car.
Car I was told to drive by him.
He is the guy she sits with now,
Now is the time I want to die.
Dying could come so easily
Easy behind the wheel.
Wheels could take the wrong turn,
Turn down that icy road
Road that invites me so warm,
Warm with the smile of death.
Dead like the heart of my girl.
Girl in the back of the car.
Car whose stereo now howls
Howls Summertime Sadness.
Sadness is a state of mind,
Mind controls your body.
Body that wants her close,
Close enough that you can't touch her.
Her. She.
She will be the death of me.
My heart can't take the pain.
Pain I've never felt before
Before I sang that song with her.
Her. She. My Love.
Love will be the death of me.
I will die with, for, by love.
I will be the death of love.

Once upon a time, there was a girl.
Once upon a time, she was happy too
Once upon a time she was
Strong
And
True
Once upon a time she got depressed
And she didn't know what to do..
Once upon a time
She left a note
And took some pills
And then she left
She was gone
Never to reaper again

You used to say you would never Quit
You told me to stay Strong but how am I supposed to be strong when you are my strength.
You took some pills
You left a note
You lost the battle
Now you're gone and you have left me
**Alone