Dorothy A

Dorothy A Oct 2010

I can't take it anymore
This pain is overwhelming
Why go on?

Keep on going

I'm so tired
All I want to do
Is go to sleep and not wake up

This pain will subside

I feel all alone
Nobody understands or cares
This is killing me on the inside

Keep reaching out to others

Everything in my life seems wrong
Life has no meaning
I just don't see the point

*I gave you life, and it does have meaning

I'm trying to convey the internal struggle....and God trying to touch us in those rough times

Dorothy A Oct 2010

The Rose

The rose
Though it looked lovely to the eye
it was piercing to the touch
Blood streaming down my finger

How deceptive is the rose
Delicate and intricate
but hidden with thorns
that pierce the flesh

Is that not life?
Such beauty
Such an ideal
But filled with ***** traps,
pains and trials

I guess we cannot have life
just in a perfect, little package
No rain
No rainbows

Joy isn't guaranteed
Pain is inevitable
Not just a beautiful creation
The rose comes with a price

Embrace it
and you may suffer
The price might be painful sting
as you gather up the jewel that is the rose

Isn't it odd
that the most celebrated of flowers
is one that bears its armor
like tiny swords?

Does it not reflect both
the beauty
and the pain
of life?

Dorothy A Oct 2010

If I Could Not Write

If I could not write
My days would turn to night

If there was no such thing as art
I would die from a broken heart

If I could not dream
Deafening throughout the skies would be my screams

If I could not hope
I would never have learned to cope

If I did not feel
Life would be unreal

If love did not exist
Death would be my wish

So I continue
To write
To create art
To dream
To hope
To feel
And to love

Dorothy A Oct 2010

Heaven Bound

It will not a grave matter be
when they'll put me in the ground
For once I've breathed my last
I know I am heaven bound

For a heaping taste of hell
I have swallowed up like death
But God saved me, a sinner,
and now my soul's at rest

Dorothy A Sep 2010

Winter Woman

Skeleton trees,
stripped down to the bone,
live naked within the walls of winter

Icicle boughs,
and branches buried deep in white
Conical conifers draped with ****** snow,
a blanket of diamond dust
They now enter my frozen world,
like life would now exist
inside of a snow globe

The drifting slopes
add white dimension
to this winter world
Frost upon the windows,
designed like crystal upon the glass,
sends shivers down my spine
The mass exodus of flocks of birds,
migrating south
for their seasonal vacation,
have gone away

These are the images embedded in the hynotic halls of my mind

The aging calender
upon the sunless wall
will soon give way to another year
The polar atmosphere
will have to surrender
its icy grip
but it is in no hurry
once January rolls around

In wintertime
we become like
weary, winter warriors
as we are manned with
shovels and plows,
battling the barrage of shellfire
of continuous cold, snow and ice
Shielded with scarves and heavy apparel,
shoveling and scraping,
salting and sweeping,
we are at war with
the fierce elements
that make us slip and slide
The salt trucks look like
army tanks on the move

Playful adventurers laugh at the scorn
The mammoth artic tundra
is their playground,
the ultimate winter utopia
They shall master
the slippery landscape
on skis, sleds and skates
in their pleasure
to conquer the frozen land

Winter is truly a wonder,
but soon my
Spring and Summer dreams
lie captive
I find myself
a foreigner of this wintry wilderness
My fair, flowery fields are gone
Barren are those beautiful images,
for Spring, Summer and Fall,
fables to my wintry world,
have slumbered all too long

Soon I am pondering.....

If only I can thaw
these stone solid feelings,
as the land soon melts
into Spring tears,
and can light a lamp within,
defrosting the sub-zero
feelings inside of me,
I will fully embrace the dreams
of warmer times,
and I shall find myself once more

A woman who knows why
she endures such a season,
shoveling my way through
the stormy periods of life
to thrive amid
the firsts of Spring

1990s and improved on it in 2010

Dorothy A Sep 2010

Forgiveness

It is often the
most difficult task,
to forgive
Could you agree?

I am not very good
at it, I will admit
When all you want
is to get even
or to make the other(s)
hurt just as badly
as they hurt you...
that fuels the grudge

What is forgiveness?
Is it letting someone
off the hook?
Is forgivness
simply forgetting?
Is it saying the wrong
perpetrated upon us
is now OK?
That it really did not
hurt or offend us after all?

No, it is so much more
Forgiveness is not an act
of the emotions,
for they seem unable
to ever come to reason
and they often betray us

It is an act of the will,
a release not just for the other
but for ourselves
from the prison of
resentment and anger

Do we need to hear
an apology
to forgive?
No

Do we need to make sure
the other or others
receive justice?
No

What we need is to make that choice
To forgive even if we don't feel like it
To wait till we "feel like it" is a lie
It is like holding on to a poison that
only destroys ourselves
and not the ones we intended
for it to torment

Forgiveness doesn't mean
we now have amnesia
about the wrong
inflicted upon us
It just means
all resentment
and bitterness
no longer have us in
a vice-like grip

And if we refuse to forgive one
who is begging us for it
that person is stuck in a *******, too
Sometimes, we find it is us
that is in need of forgiveness
and sometimes it is
that very thing
that we need to
extend to ourselves
so we can enjoy
being in our own skin

I am nobody to instruct another
about how to forgive
I am writing this partly for myself
It is one of the hardest things
for me,
to forgive
But when I am on the receiving end
it feels so beautiful and so freeing

To err is truly human
And to forgive is truly divine
It is not of our human nature
to simply forgive
but is a gift from God above
Even under the worst
of cruel situations
true forgiveness is possible

Dorothy A Sep 2010

Is That What Death Feels Like?

Sleep seems to be
a daily taste of death
It is like death's cousin,
so I have heard
Our eyes closed
as we often lay flat on our back
in on our beds
like we are layed out
for our own wake
Perhaps, we should see it this way
so we are to know that
it is not our enemy
but our constant companion

For you see,
in our slumber
our spirit is alive
We dream of things
that we often
could never do in life,
to fly like birds,
to have superhuman powers,
to travel to lands, unseen

I often wondered what
death felt like
My body in a coffin
Once open for those to shed
a sea of tears
before it becomes
shut up in darkness forever
The image seems grim
and gruesome
until my imagination
tries to conjure up
a Pollyanna scene

Almost like a cocoon
Our old shell of skin and bone
will soon be no more as
our spirits become free,
transformed like a butterfly,
taking off to a higher realm
We will not be what we were before
but like the butterfly,
we have not vanished, either
We will just journey on
becoming more exquisite
as we are now free from gravity
A lovely concept my mind needs to behold

But who am I kidding
I fear and dread that ultimate separation
Fear that the promise of heaven
would be a cruel hoax
Finding demons waiting to torment me
Fearing that God would not accept me
A nightmare instead of a dream

I guess I have enough reason
to have my doubts
I often felt like I had died
Died a thousand deaths
Or wished I had died
Death often felt like a welcome release
And life felt unreal
Too painful to live
Numbness felt better
I must confess

But even though death
has invaded this earth
and we are in constant reminder
that it will be our final fate
I refuse to believe
that death will triumph over life
Like a baby leaves the womb
It is born into a new realm
A new unknown
but welcomed into the comforting arms
of another who embraces and loves it

So what does death feel like?
Do we feel that fear
as we are fading
from this earth?
Is it like sleep,
a lovely dream?